To think the adults should get presents too?

[lborgia]

Last year my SIL and family asked if we could just do presents for the children. They were saving up for a trip and somehow this became almost as big an issue for the whole extended family as it was for them. The kids only idea was part of their saving scheme. They have suggested it again this year. Money is not am issue for them, and i don't think it's the reason for their decision.

SIL2 was happy with this as her routine line is "i don't matter, it's all about the kids" with ref to any sort of occasion.

I feel quite strongly that i want my children to know that the adults in the family are as important as their cousins. I have thought about this long and hard and 1- I don't like being told what to do, 2 - it doesn't stop us doing it differently as i could ignore the edict.

I really really don't care if i get a present i don't need another shopping note pad or scarf in my lifetime but somewhere in my head I've got this strong feeling that it represents a bigger issue. I think I've answered my own question, yes AIBU..

Ofcourse, everyone should get a present for christmas :) I'm getting this for my parents this year:
amzn.to/1X9DyEM

I'm in the 'no presents for adults' camp too - exH had a huge family and it got bonkers. We did a secret santa for everyone, including children, that would be there on XMas day and we only bought major presents for our own DC. It was fun to do especially for the lucky person who got my SIL buying theirs, the world's best present buyer!

I'm not sure how giving adults in the family a Christmas present is the best way to show children that adults are important. Don't get that at all.

I wish everyone in my family thought the same as your SiL - I've managed to persuade one couple that there's no need for us to exchange presents but that's it so far.
As others have said, it's not about the money, but about the time it takes to think of / find something they'll like, and then suspecting they probably won't like what I've got them anyway. Plua the sitting there opening things I've been bought but don't want, when I'm working really, really hard at trying to declutter my home. I'd just rather cut present giving down to little people.

OP I'm with you. It's lovely everyone exchanging gifts, even if it's something token or homemade. I help my kids choose small presents for dp and for the grandparents, so they can enjoy giving too.
Some of our friends once suggested just buying for the kids to save money, and I was actually very tempted to suggest just buying for adults instead (dc's were 2 at the time, and guaranteed a mountain of unnecessary presents - I'd far rather have had a bottle of wine or pair of socks!)

If your children buy you presents then the adults are getting presents. We still give to grandparents and they give to us. We just cut out all other adults. I don't think that Christmas should be all about presents.

We have already had a whole thread where lots of people didn't want homemade presents - someone went as far as calling making jam 'pretentious'! Although I don't give presents to adults I do hand out some homemade chutney, mincemeat etc.

I'm in the children only camp. The adults end up exchanging marks and Spencer shortbread or Thornton toffee which gets dumped in the canteen on the first day back at work. I tried suggesting that if we must do presents we limit to £10 but that didn't fly. I suggested an oxfam good works present. That didn't work. I just don't want bubble bath. Or biscuits. If they want it that's fine, I can get them both but they don't need to reciprocate. I guess it's different if you live locally to family, see them all the time, actually know what they might be into right now. But we don't. So I'll be ordering 3 for 2 tins of shortbread.

a few years ago my brother and I agreed on 'austerity Christmas' which basically meant presents for under 18s only. He has 4 grown children and 4 grand children, so I now end up doing token pressies for the littlies (£5 book token each). it's great, saves so much time, money, effort etc - and 3 of his grown up ones earn more than DH and I put together! However as my DDs are now 19 and 16 I am hoping he and SIL will continue buying for them for a few years more...

DH's family on the other hand have always been in the 'pile it high' frame of mind until yesterday's epiphany - PIL have just downsized and dont want anything that is not edible or a plant. Huge sigh of relief!

We do presents for the children, and token present for their parents- my SIL and I have alwuys enjoyed charity shops and bootsales together so tend to get each other books from there, strictly £5 limit. This means we both get to lie around on Boxing day reading trashy novels!
Wouldn't work for everyone, but it does for us. You can also get books on Amazon for well under a fiver, my son is very good at this.
I do think it's a bit miserable for the adults to get nothing at all, not really in the Christmas spirit, and the suggestion seems to show a lack of imagination. One of my favourite presents was from a very hard up friend who bought a sack of spring bulbs and divided them up and wrapped them in offcuts of cloth for every one. I think of her every time they flower.
So its not hard to find something thoughtful without spending lots of money. I think in your shoes I'd give a small, maybe homemade gift , like preserves or truffles, to make the point.