To think the adults should get presents too?

[lborgia]

Last year my SIL and family asked if we could just do presents for the children. They were saving up for a trip and somehow this became almost as big an issue for the whole extended family as it was for them. The kids only idea was part of their saving scheme. They have suggested it again this year. Money is not am issue for them, and i don't think it's the reason for their decision.

SIL2 was happy with this as her routine line is "i don't matter, it's all about the kids" with ref to any sort of occasion.

I feel quite strongly that i want my children to know that the adults in the family are as important as their cousins. I have thought about this long and hard and 1- I don't like being told what to do, 2 - it doesn't stop us doing it differently as i could ignore the edict.

I really really don't care if i get a present i don't need another shopping note pad or scarf in my lifetime but somewhere in my head I've got this strong feeling that it represents a bigger issue. I think I've answered my own question, yes AIBU..

I'm single out of a family of married and married with kids so I could end up with no gifts at all. Well people say no gifts they don't mean off their kids or their other half then present other half with bag full while you have none.

If it's just SIL family on a visit nothing stopping you giving to rest of the family. I'd say I know we decide only children's gifts but these are for other family members.

We only really buy for the kids on DHs side as he lives quite far from his family and they don't really know what we might like. The kids are just simpler.
Actually maybe that's the reason, it's just simpler trying to get a child something rather than the minefield of getting something suitable for an adult.

Sounds great tbh. Adults can buy themselves stuff they want. You could always go one step better and get the kids to make them somethinh. Proper passive aggressive response

Yanbu, it's your Christmas as much as hers. Presets for adults are an important thing in our family, fair enough if some don't do them, but one family member doesn't get to decide that. I'd tell sil that you don't expect her to get you anything but that you will be buying for everyone. Just don't be offended if you get fewer presents than you give.

New life they were wanting everyone to agree to the same policy.
Gwen is not about presents is about the giving! As tiny children they have always squabbled about who gets to hand out the gifts and they still want to see if the adults are looked after. . Last year ds2 did in fact say " but why hasn't uncle Bob got a present? " uncle Bob is something of a favourite

Can't find the pp who said "i don't think the kids get a shit whether you get a present or not".well that's precisely my point.

Meanwhile, I'm talking about a relatively contained group - 2 grandparents, 6 parents/step parents and six kids. These are people they spend time with frequently throughout the year. We know what we are all like, interests, and if not we've always asked (dh and i usually ask for £20 voucher for b&q or similar when asked).. there are plenty of second cousins, etc etc that we don't see.

milk because I'm describing what they're like sometimes. About things like this. They're very good to the boys, dh is fond of them, and when we are face to face as a group or 1-2-1 with me they're generally friendly and actually i think very like blood relatives. .of course i love them (well some of them), but they can be like this about family decision making and after a decade I've cracked and vented! It could've been any one of a number of edicts issued over the last few years. When i arrived it was the case that one SIL made ALL decisions about how the family would meet, spend time together, celebrate birthdays etc, and i was completely baffled.

Good to be reminded actually. She doesn't get to do that anymore --and i don't think has forgiven me for taking her power away (ie asking PILS what they actually want to do). Major ah-ha moment. .

I buy for a niece and nephew and that's it for children, and that is just something small. The only reason I do that is because my brother does it for mine and I see him Xmas eve/ boxing day, but neither of us spends more than £5 on each child. I have 15 nieces and nephews in total so it had to stop.

I also buy for my mum, inlaws and grandparents, but that is it and that is no more than £80-100 between them.

I am so glad we stopped buying for so many people, it allows me to spend more on my children. It can get out of hand and costs a stupid amount of money if you have a big family or are not very well off.

Me and dh might get something for each other depending on money, if not we will have a day out in January and hit the sales.

I never want to go back to a Christmas where I have to worry about buying for so many people. They are equally as happy because with five children I can cost them a lot

I think only buying for children is perfectly acceptable and the norm in most families I know. I am generous when it comes to buying birthday presents and love spending money on people, but I just can't afford it all.

Gifts to adults (I'm thinking excluding your parents or bro/sister) should be limited to edible or drinkable gifts. I hate receiving generic tat from my cousins. Just give me a £5 bottle of wine! Or some olive oil. Or some interesting pasta shapes or something.

Otto yes! Thank you! I'll get out the sparkly paint. It is all about the thought for me and what would be more thoughtful and thrifty than a potato print looroll pencil holder, Blue Peter circa 1978

I wanted to just do small presents for immediate family - adults and children this year, but was outvoted. We buy for 30 relatives. Utterly crazy.

Geranium - I'd want to hide! And presumably it's you who has to organise it all? My mum used to buy for all sorts of people we didn't see from one year to the next. .can you make the list and do you have adh who can actually do the shopping , and share the wrapping. Might be cheaper to go away fire Christmas.

It's ok I have a lovely DH who helps with list making, present buying and wrapping and actually does the cards himself. We stick to edibles for the adults and save up beforehand. But I still rather resent it all. To me it is just not what Christmas is all about.

You've said yourself that you often receive things you don't really want & yet you want to keep doing this, as well as wasting money on buying things other people don't want.

I hate the stress of Christmas shopping, I hate the tidal wave of junk which overwhelms my house. I've gone non-present with as many people as it's feasibly possible to suggest it to, where family adults don't have children, we buy for them & they buy for our DC, otherwise it's children only. I'd never suggest no kids presents, as it would never go down well, but sometimes I wish we could do that too.

I love the decorations, the family get-togethers & all the festivities of christmas, I just hate the buy, buy, buy mentality, which makes everyone give & receive piles of stuff they don't want.

We are a fairly large, close family who usually spend Christmas together but since the younger generation (i.e me and my cousins) started churning out numerous kids, we took the decision to stop buying for each other anymore

I still get for my parents and I do a few bits for my grandparents but gone are the days of us cluttering each other's houses up with 'token gifts'. The £15 pp limit was tough to get anything meaningful for and it all added up to an expensive time.

The amount of buying for Christmas really gets me down. Really I don't want or need anything. If anything, a DVD would be fine. I can't be bothered buying loads of adult gifts. Dh wants some socks. I can cope with that.

I have bought an absolute shitload of stuff already for too many people. I don't want any more plastic shite in my house because I already have so many toys I don't know how to store them all and they are everywhere. I feel guilty if I don't buy gifts for teachers. I don't mind getting them something, I am grateful to them but spend too much time wondering wtf they might want.

All this stupid pointless buying completely ruins Christmas for me. I hate seeing shops stuffed full of Baylis and Harding gift sets. I've never met a person who wants that shit.

I don't like the presents for children message either. My kids get presents for the adults who buy for them. I think that's. A good thing to teach them.

It doesn't need to be expensive though.

Oh gosh unless you are geranium no way to avoid expense with 30!

I'm hoping to win mil to my way of thinking by next Christmas as she has been murmuring this year about how it has got a bit out of hand.

I have 18 nieces and nephews. We stopped buying for adults a decade ago, thats 21 less pressies to buy.

That 21 doesn't include any cousins.

YANBU I agree with you that you're never too old for presents. I love the adults in my family and like to give them gifts. However in MNland it's beyond ridiculous, precious and entitled to expect anything better than a kick in the face on birthdays and Xmases so I suspect you won't win this one OP

Oh, but i don't need to win piper lots of posts were agreeing with me and that's fine. I do feel for those drowning under a tsunami of Christmas excess and crappy presents; this is just 3 families buying an extra 2 presents each, and needing a big round robin email making sure no one buys anyone anything and then endless phonecalls between each house. . I've equally had edicts in past about a £50 budget pet person so it's very much about this family and what they do controlling Christmas maybe? .

Of course my title referred to "adults" meaning every adult in the world that anyone could possibly be related to. But really I meant a much smaller number .

I will still take the cake though, thanks for the gift. It was thoughtful and made me feel happy .

YABU. I don't want anything. No. I'm sure. Really. No.

If you do, and you won't give he a hint. Don't balme me if you get a hook voucher or soap on a rope.

We don't do adult presents for a variety of reasons, mainly nobody in my family can afford to buy presents and therefore I would feel guilty if they spent their money on me. i know they they would feel awkward receiving a gift from me if I had not bought them a gift so we suggested children only gifts. We also have 7 children and quite frankly buying for them is enough, I don't want people to buy for us too.

We also host family from Christmas Eve until New Year's Eve and some of my relatives see that as a gift in terms of us paying for the whole Christmas experience, we do parties in Christmas Eve and New Years Eve, a pants trip, Boxing Day open house etc.

Sometimes we do a bit of IOU gifting, so swapping baby sitting, putting together an album, giving home made things etc so that it is not just about the children.

This year we are going to do an adult secret Santa.

My DC choose their grandparents a small gift to give them, the other adults in the family get wine and chocolates. Except for my sister and her dh. My sister always picks the most thoughtful lovely presents. So we still exchange presents, in secret.

Christmas shouldn't be about all this stress of present buying so that some people are starting in January to spread the cost.
Christmas shouldn't be all about presents.