To think the adults should get presents too?

[lborgia]

Last year my SIL and family asked if we could just do presents for the children. They were saving up for a trip and somehow this became almost as big an issue for the whole extended family as it was for them. The kids only idea was part of their saving scheme. They have suggested it again this year. Money is not am issue for them, and i don't think it's the reason for their decision.

SIL2 was happy with this as her routine line is "i don't matter, it's all about the kids" with ref to any sort of occasion.

I feel quite strongly that i want my children to know that the adults in the family are as important as their cousins. I have thought about this long and hard and 1- I don't like being told what to do, 2 - it doesn't stop us doing it differently as i could ignore the edict.

I really really don't care if i get a present i don't need another shopping note pad or scarf in my lifetime but somewhere in my head I've got this strong feeling that it represents a bigger issue. I think I've answered my own question, yes AIBU..

YABU - I wish we could go to presents for just kids who actually appreciate it rather than the rubbish mugs/scarves/chocs/smellies we get each other as adults you don't know each other that well and have wildly different budgets.

DH and I give each other lovely gifts. From his relatives we get a pile of shite that goes to the charity shop. That's joyless consumerism in my book that I could well do without.

Maybe it's because I have no siblings and had no grandparents by the time I was an adult but I'd never think to buy presents for dp's siblings.

The only adults I buy for are dp and our parents.

We only do presents for the children and it has been that way for years. It was my idea.

We dont give to adults. I think its the best thing ever. So glad that I dont need to spend time purchasing things that noone will want or use and the same in return. Christmas is for the kids. 100% agree. I am sure the kids won't give a shit if you get something or not.

Yanbu. In laws and dh brother contacted us this week to say no presents this year - for anyone. Also turned down any meet ups. We get the message! Bah humbug!

We did no adult presents one year and found it a bit depressing: as someone said, it becomes all about the children. So we don't do that any more and I think it's nice for the adults to have presents too.

It's not about money, it's about thinking of people - I've given and been given some fab homemade presents.

So YANBU IMO!

With my siblings we still do adult presents too. DH & I don't buy much for each other - maybe a couple of token bits but no more. My DPs are dead, so if my siblings & I didn't buy for each other we would have nothing at all.
I guess if we could only afford adults or children though, we would drop the adults gifts.

With friends (friends I've had before DCs), we now only buy for the children. My best friend has 6 DCs.

Not buying presents for adults is definitely not normal. I do not know of any family, and I have a very wide circle of friends, that do not buy presents for the adults of the family. It's one of those only on mumsnet things!

This. Everyone I know gives the adults gifts, at Christmas and on their birthdays.

Christmas is a holiday for everyone, not just the children. In this house Santa delivers to mom, dad, and DD. Same when I was growing up.

I mean, it's not that hard to make an amazon list or ask people what sort of things they want. If you don't know your siblings that well, talk to them? Surely if you know they don't have a hobby, but that they do a lot of cooking you can get them some novelty kitchen stuff.

'Normal' is relative isn't it? I don't know a single family who only buys for the children, all the adults I know are included in their present buying circles.

I love doing presents, I'd be gutted if we stopped.

I admit that I most often get my father a box of chocolates and my mother a nice herbal soap. Those are things I know they will use. At most, I will get them a book (from a favourite author of theirs) they don't own yet.

Just giving adults symbolic presents is totally okay. I am sure most will be happier with a bar of their favourite chocolate than something they have no use for.

@OP: Just give your partner something small, and respect SIL's request to not be given anything. I trust she will not be too offended if you don't make a big deal out of it.

Some people prefer a simple Christmas. That is one of the reasons that we went to only buying for children. Most of my friends are the same.

Yabu, I haven't bought presents for my brothers for many, many years. I bought for their kids but now they're adults thats stopped as well.

Tbh I wouldn't know what to buy them and I don't want to waste money on pointless tat.

Yabu
I don't like tat and it gets passed on
I understand it is important to show people you care but presents are not the only way
Husband and I don't bother unless there is someone particular one of us wants

I'm amazed at all the people saying they only buy presents for the kids. I don't know anyone who does this in real life.

I'd be annoyed in your situation too OP, mostly I think by someone else dictating The Rules of Christmas present buying. Fair enough if you both agreed to it, but otherwise I think it's a bit mean.

yanbu for exactly the reasons you state.

Crochet definitely agree with you there. As a single parent I'm already becoming slightly sad at the thought that nobody will be putting any thought into getting me something nice. I'm not anyone's number one priority. We used to do adult gifts as well until my two db's had kids of their own..

YANBU

Ask them to make a list - and everything on the list costs double what you want to pay.

Buy something relating to their interest - not another fucking item with a cat on it thanks. And every item in my kitchen is chosen with care, I don't want anything 'novelty' spoiling it either.

I'm sure they think they have put a lot of thought into it. But really the thought would be in maintaining the relationship the rest of the year, not passing over tat at Christmas and pretending we're all bestest friends.

YANBU. Christmas is a time for celebrating and the exchanging of presents. This is children and adults. Adults teach children how to do this. But the best way to teach children anything, including how to celebrate, is by example.

There are so many presents to get nowadays and easy to buy online that taking money out the equation there is no reason to give rubbish presents. Cinema vouchers, coffee shop cards, luxury treats, homemade chocolates, etc. Adults should definitely be included in the joy.

Our family do kids only. I find it gutting. Even my parents only buy for the children. I haven't had a Christmas present in more than 20 years and I'm going to buy my kids presents for as long as I am still alive to do so.

We do get for a few adults, but tend to buy things like vouchers for a meal out/cinema/afternoon tea etc.
Or bouquets/fave perfume/tipple.
All stuff that will get used up.
Can't be arsed traipsing round shops for things that they just don't want.

We stopped buying for all the adults a long time ago and I am so thankful we did. We now just put all the adult names in a hat, pull out a name and buy a nice gift for that person. Everyone then gets one present to open and we are all happy. It's taken off a huge amount of pressure finding the right gift for so many people not to mention ££'s saved. Before this I remember one Christmas feeling sick looking around at the piles and piles of presents (mostly not needed stuff) and thinking what's it all about. The kids still get too much in my opinion but as they are getting older the gifts from family are becoming more practical like clothes, stationery and toiletries so don't feel so bad.

I don't enjoy shopping so it is just a chore for me. Cutting down on the number of presents I have to get has greatly increased the joy of Christmas for me.

We only buy for the kids. It's just so much simpler for everyone, particularly family members with a fluctuating income.

We do make up a hamper for my pil, though, which they enjoy, and take lots of goodies when we visit my parents. Ds1 likes to choose something silly for them, too.