WIBU to just fuck off

[MusicalFanjo]

I've got a bloody stinking cold and chesty cough and feel like utter shite and I haven't slept for more than a few hours for the past 3 nights as 4 week old DS has been cluster feeding.

My partners alarms have been going off since just gone 5am. He has no fucking intention of getting his arse out of bed until at least 7. Every 2 fucking minutes they are going off. I'm awake, DS 4 weeks is awake and now my (also poorly) 22month old is awake. My partner is, you guessed it ASLEEP!

He knows I'm pissed off, he knows he's woke the kids up and yet he can't be bothered to get up.

Well I've just got dressed and I'm seriously tempted to just fuck off out for the day and leave him to look after the kids. I've already told him
That I hope he enjoys having them today. The only thing stopping me is the fact he does actually need to go to work and I don't actually have anywhere to go (loner) well that and DS2 is exclusively breastfed so the poor mite would starve.

I'm fuming absolutely fucking fuming. I'm just so so tired and I really can't face the over tired tantrums from ds1 that are bound to happen today now. I am struggling enough as it is. Having two under 2's is hard. I don't know anyone here so I'm always on my own and I struggle to get out and about with both kids in tow so we tend to spend most of our time at home. The days seem to be getting longer and I don't know how to fill them.

He will probably be waking up soon and I can guarantee that he will have the arse with me for being short with him... Because having your alarms set to go off every two fucking minutes for a solid two hours is perfectly reasonable don't you know.

Twat.

If he is such a good partner he has to change this to stop you all struggling.

He needs to take charge of his own sleep hygiene and waking patterns immediately - early nights, no caffeine, no screens in the bedroom, proper heavy curtains that block out the light, that wristband alarm (set for 7am so that he sleeps properly till then).

There are a huge amount of suggestions online and if he's an adult he should be researching these and applying them properly .

While he sorts this, he sleeps elsewhere till he is able to be a considerate partner in the bedroom (non sex related!).

If he tries properly (i.e. for several months, consistently) and then still has problems, then he needs to source himself a referral to a sleep clinic.

OP you seriously don't have to put up with this, it's not on.

Options from my point of view, as an awful alarm-snoozer who just cannot get up myself:

He moves out of your room, and your elder DC moves in with you.

Daylight alarm - mine was great when I was struggling to wake for work over the winter, it's not like the diffuse light from a street lamp, it's like having a fricking torch in your face - perfect.

He changes his alarm settings so they're only every half hour - so if he misses two he get the adrenaline rush of knowing he really HAS to get up.
If he can't do that then he can only set three over 5 mins, then another three half an hour later, so you're only disturbed for 5 mins instead of constantly.

Re escaping willy, my DS1 did that, we put him back in sleepsuits, that didn't work, so he went back into grobags until he got out of the habit.

I think I will tell him tonight that he has two alarms tomorrow and then I'm going to turn to the rest off and leave him to sleep till he wakes himself, which could well be as late as 11 and then he can explain to his boss where the fuck he was.

The escaping willy- I've tried putting some pants on over his nappy and vest so he can't get his hand in the top but he just pulls it out of the side instead. It is driving me insane as his bedding takes up all the drying space we have. I've not managed to do a non kid wash in about a fortnight now.

OP, re: the playgroups things, you should try again. At first, just go so your kid can play with different toys, and to break your day and force you to get out of the house. Just that is enough to help.
Smile, and maybe it will take a long time, but you will end speaking with nice people. Most mums are playing with their own kids, or catching up with friends anyway, I've rarely seen one big group!

people might stare at you, but you don't know what they are actually thinking, it might not be judgmental at all. It can be anything from "where did I put that sling of mine?", "oh, 2 little ones so close in age, they're so lucky" "I am not copying with one, how does she manage with 2"
that sort of things.

The willy thing has to be sortable. Grobag, vest over pj bottoms or sleepsuit? Sleepsuit on backwards? If it's really impossible to contain him there is a wealth of bedwetting stuff, but there has to be an easier solution with a one year old. Absolute max bedding needed should be a sheet over a wipe clean mattress cover, and a sleeping bag.

Presumably you are, ahem, tucking him back in once he's asleep.

You poor thing. I will never forget the absolutely earth-shattering tiredness I felt when my children were that age. I don't actually know how I made it through each day. I feel for you.

On a practical note, can you make room anywhere for a tumble drier - and get one delivered asap? That would make the constant task of getting bedding dry a lot easier. put it by DP's side of the bed, he may go and sleep elsewhere

Dh used to do this. Take his alarms or turn them off after the first ring OP. Once he's been late a couple of times I guarantee he will manage to get up. At the moment he knows you won't let it happen and is being a selfish arse. Remind him you are not his mother, he is an adult and needs to manage getting himself up in the morning without waking the whole house.

Or get a cattle prod....

How was this morning, Fanjo ?

Pooseyfrumpture, your username makes me smile whenever I see it. I thought it was a word only my gran used.

You're getting loads of good suggestions here OP. Are you going to take any of them?

OP consider this...he's ALREADY making you and your child ill! I'd lay odds you'd have not got this current bug if he wasn't such an immature selfish tosser!

Throughout reading this thread I have been thinking you should keep a bucket of ice with a sponge in it. Itpf he doesn't get up at the first alarm apply to back/back of neck! Bet he'll bloody wake up then! In fact I bet if you tell him! You're gonna do this that'd be enough to stop this ridiculous behaviour!

Fyi messing with people's sleep patterns is a bona fides method of torture!

Consider that too - is it OK that he's allowed to torture you and a baby with a method used for terrorists/spies?! And they don't have it for years on end either!

I have an alarm on my phone that wakes DP up (and myself obv), he knows that I turn it off as quickly as possible so it doesn't wake 4mo DD who's in the same room. It goes off at 6am which is when he needs to be up, sometimes he falls asleep again, but I give him one or two hefty nudges and he gets up... He knows he has to or he'll be late and end up losing his job and then we'd all be screwed as I'm a SAHM. Tell him if he cant be trusted to get himself up on time then he cant be trusted to provide for his family and as soon as baby is weaned you'll go back to work and he can have the kids. Also I'm 21 and DP is 23 so he cant use age/immaturity as an excuse.

Keith I might have stolen it from your gran I think there was a 'strange words your granny uses but no one else ever does' thread - I registered a bunch of those as potential name changers.

Obvs they weren't all from your gran