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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to just fuck off

139 replies

MusicalFanjo · 19/11/2015 07:03

I've got a bloody stinking cold and chesty cough and feel like utter shite and I haven't slept for more than a few hours for the past 3 nights as 4 week old DS has been cluster feeding.

My partners alarms have been going off since just gone 5am. He has no fucking intention of getting his arse out of bed until at least 7. Every 2 fucking minutes they are going off. I'm awake, DS 4 weeks is awake and now my (also poorly) 22month old is awake. My partner is, you guessed it ASLEEP!

He knows I'm pissed off, he knows he's woke the kids up and yet he can't be bothered to get up.

Well I've just got dressed and I'm seriously tempted to just fuck off out for the day and leave him to look after the kids. I've already told him
That I hope he enjoys having them today. The only thing stopping me is the fact he does actually need to go to work and I don't actually have anywhere to go (loner) well that and DS2 is exclusively breastfed so the poor mite would starve.

I'm fuming absolutely fucking fuming. I'm just so so tired and I really can't face the over tired tantrums from ds1 that are bound to happen today now. I am struggling enough as it is. Having two under 2's is hard. I don't know anyone here so I'm always on my own and I struggle to get out and about with both kids in tow so we tend to spend most of our time at home. The days seem to be getting longer and I don't know how to fill them.

He will probably be waking up soon and I can guarantee that he will have the arse with me for being short with him... Because having your alarms set to go off every two fucking minutes for a solid two hours is perfectly reasonable don't you know.

Twat.

OP posts:
TonyMaguire · 19/11/2015 10:04

I don't understand why anyone would use a snooze button, isn't that just torturing yourself?

OP, this has to stop or you will be ill. It's no use saying your DP is nice, in this respect he is behaving like a disrespectful cunt. The rules need to change, one alarm at 7am and get the fuck up.

Regarding the willy waver, would putting him in a back to front sleep suit help?

banff82 · 19/11/2015 10:04

I'm just feeling a bit down in the dumps at the minute and I think
this is why I'm letting things bother me more than they usually would.

No, seriously, just no. It's not you. It's him. He is being a selfish twat and you're trying to justify and minimise his behaviour, and worse, blame yourself. For him to do this if you didn't have two very young children would be bad enough, but for him to do it when you do is staggeringly, unbelievably selfish and bastardy. And he's not really 'lovely' when he's blaming you for his lateness and punishing you by staying at work after hours leaving you alone to deal with the children. That really isn't the behaviour of a lovely person.

I say all that as someone who is very much not a morning person. I hate getting out of bed, but I have set myself a limit of one snooze and that's it, I'm up. Do I like it? No. But hey, welcome to grown-up life. Leaving aside the waking up others thing, setting alarms to go off 2 hours before you need to be up is sheer madness anyway; all it does is train you to ignore them and completely fuck up your sleep pattern.

You need to sit down and talk to him seriously about how much this is affecting you and be very clear that it cannot continue or there will be consequences - be it that you re-set the alarms to a decent time i.e. 5-10 minutes before he actually needs to get up, his phone meets a sticky end after the first snooze hit, you dump cold water on him, you leave him to deal with the children, or he sleeps/lives elsewhere (any and all of which are entirely justified). You then need to enact and stick to those consequences. What he is doing is grossly selfish and unfair but you are letting him get away with it.

GruntledOne · 19/11/2015 10:09

I've turned all the lights on before now and he has jumped up, turned them off and then returned to bed.

I hope you turned them straight back on again?

GruntledOne · 19/11/2015 10:19

Cold water you say? No I couldn't although I'm tempted I'm far too kind.

Why? Is what he is doing kind to you and the DC? If you give him fair warning of what will happen if he doesn't sort himself out, there is nothing unkind about it.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 19/11/2015 10:25

Separate rooms. It's been 6 years and he isn't getting the message.

foolonthehill · 19/11/2015 10:25

Him power and control.

you controlled and put in your place.

Him work and life

You isolated and lonely.

Him stropping and blaming you and punishing by staying late

You role of martyr and "kind one".

You've got to stand up for yourself and say it's not on...endure the row, endure the strop, endure the silent treatment, endure the blaming. Don't climb down.

If he IS a lovely person and he understands and appreciates your kindness and forbearance and HE LOVES YOU he will eventually see that he is acting like a twat. If he is an unreasonable twat who thinks all others are beneath him and he rules the roost and all his needs are to be met he won't and he will have shown you the future...you in service to him forever...or not (your choice).

Good luck

HPsauciness · 19/11/2015 10:28

I think you posted about this before, it seems very familiar.

Can't believe you are still putting up with it instead of hurling the alarm clock against the wall and sleeping in separate rooms if he persists with the two hours of wakefulness before getting up.

Also can't believe you let him wake the children up so they will be tired and get sicker- they need their sleep too:(

Nothing is lovely here, I'm sure he's a laugh, but does he put the needs of his family equal to his own? No, not at all, I find it awful you think this is normal and just something you moan about but tolerate.

Original poster
MusicalFanjo · 19/11/2015 10:38

I can't turn his alarms off because he would just sleep until I wake him when I wake up. then it really will be my fault that he's late. He's the only earner so his job is vital.

I don't feel he is punishing me by staying late tonight. It's all gone tits up at work and he has things that needs to be completed within a few days when really it's at least a fortnights worth of work. He wanted to get in earlier instead of having to stay later to get as much done as possible.

Honestly he really is amazing in other ways and as I said before I am extremely happy with everything else in the relationship. His sleep habits are our only issue really.

OP posts:
IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 19/11/2015 10:40

then it really will be my fault that he's late.

NO IT WON'T!

He's allegedly an adult.

Let him lie in & reap what he sows....

Muldjewangk · 19/11/2015 10:50

I felt angry reading this, how selfish and inconsiderate is your DH. He is not lovely, I would be throwing out the alarm clocks, keep one and if he doesn't wake up shove it down his throat.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 19/11/2015 10:53

I'm sorry but you are not too kind you are a mug.

Have you got a tens machine. Charge it, apply pads to his arse, ramp it up to max and press go.

MrsFrankRicard · 19/11/2015 10:53

You need to tell him tonight - 1 alarm at 7am and he will just have to get up!! Waking everyone at 5 for nothing is fucking ridiculous.

Flomplet · 19/11/2015 10:54

I am a fan of the snooze button but 2 hours is insane and incredibly selfish.

Separate bedrooms are underrated.

A sunrise type alarmclock (with a beeper) would be worth a try. I love mine.

whois · 19/11/2015 11:07

Haven't you posted about 10 items before about the crazy alarm situation?

You either need separate bedrooms, or separate lives cos he isn't going to change b

momb · 19/11/2015 11:10

'I love you so much but I'm just shattered and I cannot be responsible for getting myself, two littlies and you out of bed in the morning. You need to look out for yourself. I am worn out and I can't get back to sleep with the alarm going off for two hours. You need to manage your own waking and work journey.
From now on If I am woken by your alarm you will get one chance for a snooze and then I am turning the alarm off. I will tell you at that point what I am doing. If you sleep beyond that point it is not my fault. '

OP his bodyclock is still that of a teenager because he hasn't had to train himself to wake up under his own steam. He needs to take control of his own morning routine: you have enough on your plate.

Original poster
MusicalFanjo · 19/11/2015 11:13

Oh no he isn't snoozing his alarm! These are all individually set alarms.
6am
6:02
6:05
6:07
And so on and on and on and on

Ha! The thought of attaching a tense machine to his arse makes me giggle. His bollocks would be a better target though I think Grin

I'm not sure a sunrise clock would be much use. We have a street light directly outside our window and it lights up the whole room. You can see the entire room perfectly even in the middle of the night.

Thank you all for your help. I will definitely be talking to DP about this again tonight.

OP posts:
moonbells · 19/11/2015 11:19

Perhaps you need to speak with a GP and get him referred to a sleep clinic. There are several good ones about.

Jux · 19/11/2015 11:23

Waking everyone at 5 for nothing is fucking ridiculous

Waking everyone except himself at 5 for nothing is ridiculous^

PuntasticUsername · 19/11/2015 11:23

OP, this has to stop or you will be ill. It's no use saying your DP is nice, in this respect he is behaving like a disrespectful cunt. The rules need to change, one alarm at 7am and get the fuck up.

Just saying this again, as it bears repeating. I cannot believe anyone would put up with such behaviour for so long.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 19/11/2015 11:33

This really has to stop, OP. Your DH is being completely unreasonable. Alarms going off for two hours in a house with a small baby and a toddler. No chance.

Flomplet · 19/11/2015 11:36

Then you need blackout blinds and blackout curtains and masks if necessary. You need dark to regulate your melatonin to sleep properly.

Seriously, something needs to change. If not for your sake, for the kids.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 19/11/2015 11:37

Cheezqweez has the answer re the wrist bands. So he can just use one of these in future. Problem solved.

And if it's not, he's being an arse.

PhoenixReisling · 19/11/2015 11:39

If he is lovely then he won't mind sleeping on the couch then will he.

OP there are two issues here, but the one that is more concerning is the fact he doesn't care that it wakes you and how he has reacted to you being cross. He is acting like a child, not a grown man with children.

He either sleeps in another room/moves to another room after the first alarm or you sleep elsewhere.

Zucker · 19/11/2015 11:48

You started this thread to rage at him and now you're minimising his selfish behaviour. Why do you think this is?

He is a selfish manchild. Every morning starting the day with him having zero consideration for anyone else in the house does not make him a lovely man.

OldGreyCat · 19/11/2015 11:53

My 11 year old (asd traits) does this.

He tried setting the alarm ridiculously early and then keep switching it off and going back to 'sleep' (thus ruining his sleep!).

I took the alarm away.

So he tried timing getting up to the last second (he thinks he only needs 6m to get up dressed, washed, brekkie, teeth, school - ha!).

I took the clock away.

This morning I had to remove his duvet and eventually used some cold water (just flicked a tiny bit on his ears - remarkably effective).

But he is ELEVEN AND ON THE SPECTRUM.

Pls get your 'partner' to read this.

Congratulations on your new baby btw. I hope you get some rest today.

ps, put a second bigger nappy on your older one - backwards - that'll learn him! Grin