WIBU to just fuck off

[MusicalFanjo]

I've got a bloody stinking cold and chesty cough and feel like utter shite and I haven't slept for more than a few hours for the past 3 nights as 4 week old DS has been cluster feeding.

My partners alarms have been going off since just gone 5am. He has no fucking intention of getting his arse out of bed until at least 7. Every 2 fucking minutes they are going off. I'm awake, DS 4 weeks is awake and now my (also poorly) 22month old is awake. My partner is, you guessed it ASLEEP!

He knows I'm pissed off, he knows he's woke the kids up and yet he can't be bothered to get up.

Well I've just got dressed and I'm seriously tempted to just fuck off out for the day and leave him to look after the kids. I've already told him
That I hope he enjoys having them today. The only thing stopping me is the fact he does actually need to go to work and I don't actually have anywhere to go (loner) well that and DS2 is exclusively breastfed so the poor mite would starve.

I'm fuming absolutely fucking fuming. I'm just so so tired and I really can't face the over tired tantrums from ds1 that are bound to happen today now. I am struggling enough as it is. Having two under 2's is hard. I don't know anyone here so I'm always on my own and I struggle to get out and about with both kids in tow so we tend to spend most of our time at home. The days seem to be getting longer and I don't know how to fill them.

He will probably be waking up soon and I can guarantee that he will have the arse with me for being short with him... Because having your alarms set to go off every two fucking minutes for a solid two hours is perfectly reasonable don't you know.

Twat.

Oh and totally agree with pp - if you need to get up at 7 why the hell would you set an alarm for 5? That's just stupid and ruining your sleep pattern.

Tell him if he's happy to miss 2 hours sleep each morning then he can do so alone, in the spare room or on the sofa. I wouldn't be sharing a bed with him on the current terms and I'm a snoozer for a limited period in the morning, but 2 hours!!

Seriously, you need to go for the cold water option. Have a discussion with him about the fact that this needs to be sorted, not least because if he is late for work repeatedly he will lose his job. Tell him that, as from tomorrow, he has to set his alarm for a sensible time and get up by, say, the third time it goes off otherwise you will give him a faceful of cold water. And then do it, repeatedly if necessary.

Sharp elbow to the kidneys, kick him out onto the floor, take his bedclothes and pillow when he leaves the bed, pour a glass of water over his face - all of these would be considered as my response if I had SUCH an inconsiderate wanker first thing in the morning.

And then he'd be sleeping in a different room.

As for the sheer lunacy of setting an alarm 2h early - no. Just fuck off with that level of stupidity.

Stop enabling him. He's not lovely. This is not 'lovely' behaviour.

'He sets so many alarms because he simply can't get up in the morning.'

Yeah, he can. He would be sleeping on the sofa in the living room, for starters.

That sort of sleep deprivation is like flipping torture - even more so when you have a teeny tiny one needing attention through the night.
Tell him that you have reached breaking point and it feels like he is purposefully doing the cockwomble alarm thing to push you over the edge.
My DH moved into another bedroom when he realised that his thrashing was making me so ill. I ended up completely breaking down and wailing in despair at him - he was horrified as he just thought I was being grumpy when I complained before. Seeing my absolute despair made him realise I wasn't just being a nag. Perhaps a similar display will make him realise? For some reason some men believe it more when we cry about it rather than talk! Twunts.

There is no way I would stand for that.
My DP is crap at getting up, but there is no way he expect me to accept 2 hours of alarms. Who the fuck who needs 2 hours of alarms?!?
What a selfish fucker

I think the PP who suggested the ice water had the right idea. Some sort of retraining is needed to get his body/mind to respond to the alarm. So, here's my suggestion: when you're up in the night with DS, prepare the glass of ice water.

When the first alarm goes off, dump the contents on his head. Point out that he's up now, he may as well start getting ready for work and having a nice relaxed morning. And he could bring you a cup of tea too. You know he finds it hard to wake up, you're only being helpful and now you and DS don't have to listen to all the alarms. Isn't that great?!

Repeat it. Every day until the alarm gets set later (at least until it reaches an acceptable hour for you), or until the point where he hears the alarm in his sleep and sits bolt upright saying "don't you dare.."

You're training his subconscious to recognise a warning, after he's spent years training it that this warning can be ignored.

In our house we have a rule - you wake them, you settle them. Next time his alarm wakes the children, take them into daddy and let him deal with them. Meanwhile you take yourself out for an early morning jog/walk/shower, doesn't matter what you do so long as you lock yourself away somehow.

I read somewhere that each time you use snooze, you are allowing your body to start going into deep sleep again, so each time you wake up, it will be harder to get up & you will feel more crap throughout the day.

I stopped snoozing a few weeks ago, after reading that & I do feel better during the day, and get up really easily now.

wtf? My dp is an arse at getting up. Consistently late because of it. ( though we're talking ten minutes here not hours)

He struggles to get up I. The morning. The answer is not making the whole family suffer because of his issue - it's his either learning to change or dealing with the consequence ( lateness) of his behaviour. Dp often works his lunch hour. Thanks god his boss is so understanding.

Sorry for the long replies.

Cold water you say? No I couldn't although I'm tempted I'm far too kind. My mum used to throw things at me to wake me up, I hated the sudden jolting awake and it would put me in a foul mood all
day.

MrsJaneDoe I haven't tried any playgroups in this area yet. We only moved here a week before DS2 was born. I'm a bit hesitant to go to one if I'm being honest. All previous attempts with DS1 haven't really gone well. The groups have been really cliquey and I've felt patronised because of my age. It doesn't seem much better where i live now. I'm 22 but look younger. People give me pitying looks when I'm out with DS1 in his pushchair and DS2 in a sling and It makes me feel self conscious.

He gets out of bed to turn it off and then brings it back to bed and goes back to sleep.

I've turned all the lights on before now and he has jumped up, turned them off and then returned to bed.

He's a DICKHEAD!

Seriously, if it was one of my kids it'd be a cold flannel or jug of water on them!

Is there another room you can put him in, or move to? Or can you just turn all the alarms off while he's asleep? A few late days might cure him.

Or put all the alarm clocks in a bucket of water in the middle of the kitchen right now so they're waiting for the idiot when he gets home.

I'm so angry on your behalf I can hardly type!!

I wouldn't lower yourself to behaviour such as kicking him pushing him into the floor or pouring water over him. If you need to resort to these things (and I would say they are abusive) in a relationship, it's not a good relationship.

He is being extremely selfish and to me, abusive towards you. He's putting his wants over your needs. Lack of sleep, particularly with little DC is awful. He just doesn't care enough about the impact it has on you, to change.

I would seriously be saying to him that if he didn't change his behaviour right now, you can't live with him any more. You've told him before and either he didn't listen or he doesn't care. I would be sitting him down and saying this is his last chance, you will review your position in a week but if his alarm clock is more important to him that you, he should be looking at Rightmove.

My DH had a 16 hour day (work and college, no breaks at all) yesterday and is knackered. I have chronic pain and have had four hours sleep over the last two nights. This morning I turned off the alarm as I was awake, got up with the DC and let him sleep until 8, and then brought him him a coffee. Every single other morning he gets up with them and brings me tea in bed. It's just about being kind to each other. I'm not some awful martyr that bangs on about putting other people first all the time well not always but I think in a happy relationship you enhance each other's lives and actually try and make each other happy.

What he's doing is quite a big deal - in terms of the signals he sending you. It must be hard to read posts calling your DH a selfish twat, but his behaviour here is very selfish.

Worst thing is sleep deprivation is cumulative. It can seriously affect both your mental and physical state. He is also depriving himself. Like others have said, if he just set alarm for 6.45 or 7 he would be less tired and more able to get the fuck out of bed! I'd get up and bounce on the bed calling him a gobshite until he got the message.

urgh I feel your pain-I've got one a bit like that not the 5am alarm setting but the I can't get up and you don't understand its an illness mentality- It is sooo pathetic and at times it drives me up the wall. Things have got a lot better since our DD arrived as I read the riot act spare room/divorce etc. I have also "developed" a similar inability to get up and also left him to get on with it think he realised how annoying it is- you are doing no favours being sympathetic. Though having said that I've just been through this morning to wake him up but I have it down to a fine art curtains open radio blaring lights on...covers off- works every time!
Hope you get sorted!

Musical being "too kind" is costing you your sleep, your health and your good humour.

You may have hated your mum waking you up but you don't have trouble getting out of bed for anything important now, do you?

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. If you're not prepared to do anything about it other than come on here for a moan and a "poor you, he's a dickhead"... Then I'm afraid you may just have to suck it up. He's not going to magically stop being a selfish dickhead while it suits him.

You get kicked out of my bed after I count to 100 when the alarm has gone off.

When DD3 was small I slept in a different room with her. I used to get up at 5 after I fed her, put on the laundry etc and have a bit of me time and then go and have a shower, thus waking up DH. I went back to bed for an hour during the day at nap time. Sounds like you need to carve out some "me" time.

So you don't want to put your DP in a mood by actually doing him a favour and waking him up, but he can sleep deprive his whole family which surely leads to your mood suffering, you struggling to cope on not enough sleep and bad behaviour / overtired kids?!

Please do something about this. I remember your last thread and I am horrified he is still doing it!

What does he say when you ask him to stop? Does he just not give a shit?

I would actually do a complete fishwife at DH if he pulled a stunt like this. I might even have thrown something.

There is a case for kicking him out of the bedroom for a while so you can recover, frankly. And for the alarm clock to experience a nasty accident.

What about buying him a Jawbone, with the sleep tracker?
With the agreement that he HAS to follow it for a month. Go to bed at the time it suggests and use its smart alarm thing in the mornings?
It monitors your sleep and waits until you are in a light sleep and then vibrates on your wrist to wake you up.
It works out things like how long you take to fall asleep and how much deep sleep you get, and suggests your ideal bedtime based on that.
It might put him into a more healthy sleep pattern and stop him being so knackered in the morning.

If that doesn't work, GP for blood tests and maybe a sleep clinic.
I was diagnosed with an under active thyroid after a few years of feeling so dog tired I couldn't get myself up in the morning, so if he isn't just being a lazy bastard, he needs to take some responsibility about his health and get himself checked to ensure there isn't an underlying issue

Does he eat a good diet? Could it be a vitamin deficiency?

The person who brings women-only gyms with creches and sleep pods to the UK will surely make their million.

www.virginactive.com.au/home/special_pages/siesta_anyone.aspx

I once lived with someone who did this...not for two hours but probably 45 mins. I dumped him.

DP will sometimes sleep through his alarm so I have mine set as a back up for him...but I accept his knackeredness as he will get up through the night to one or other of the dc's and then get up at 5 to walk the dog before he goes to work if I have something planned with the children.

This kind of thing is the worst, it's so exhausting and fucking needless. I agree with pp saying to chuck him onto the sofa (I would hear the alarms from another room upstairs) or to change the alarm time.

Surely he is knackered from his last two hrs of sleep being so disturbed???

Ridiculous behaviour which benefits noone AT ALL

Wow OP, I can't believe this is still going on. I remember your thread from last year. And now you have a new baby too.

Coming on here for a rant is great and everything but you're going to have to actually address this. It's gone beyond the realms of acceptability now that you have a second baby. There's some great advice on this thread. Please take it