Leaving children in cars? Is this ok or not?

[babarthefuckingelephant]

Theres another mum at the nursery that i've noticed since the weather has been getting colder has been leaving her baby in the car while she takes her toddler in or picks her up. Car is locked and usually parked at the end of the path so 10-20ft from the door, and she seems really blasé about it but it unsettles me a bit and i don't know if IABU and just overanxious. Its a small nursery and you can be in and out in a minute or two but then you never know when someone will pull you to the side and it will take longer. I don't know whether to mention it to somebody, but then I leave my baby in the car when i go into the petrol station to pay for petrol (about the same distance and time), so am i just over worrying?

YANBU but you are over worrying. It's so unlikely that anything would happen. Don't fret about it.

Having said that, if my other child was in a car seat with a handle, I'd take them with me anyway. Babies that size/age don't generally wake up unless they are already about to wake.

If they're older and in a big seat with a normal seatbelt I'd probably leave them to sleep but only if I was genuinely just dropping off & coming straight back. If they were awake I'd expect them to come with me.

The child is in the greatest danger when the car is in motion. Simply driving the child anywhere puts them at risk.

Anyone ever gone for a drive because it soothes the baby to sleep? Taken the scenic route just for the enjoyment? If so, you have unnecessarily placed your child at risk.

Wow i was left in the car when my parents paid for petrol and amazingly i never set fire or broke anything.
Kind of hypocritical senpaito comment on other people's parenting and then go on to say how you couldn't be left in the car as a child.
Other kids manage to just sit in the seat....
You also have no idea whether other posters on here have children with specials needs who have no perception of danger, but let's just call people ineffective parents.

So all you who do leave their children for a few minutes, would you be happy for your childminder or Nanny to do the same?

Yes! I trust my childminder to assess each situation and do what is best.

I am clearly an ineffective patent then. My 2yo runs all day every day. If only I knew how to teach someone with no perception of danger the risks associated with running into the road. I wish I was you senpai

I think "because I couldn't be arsed to take them with me" is a perfectly valid reason for leaving your kids in the car....

I would never in a million years leave my baby unattended absolutely anywhere it is very irresponsible and illegal. Social services got heavily involved with the whole family and the dad got a criminal record in an incident where a dad left his baby in the car when he went into a pharmacy. Regardless of the legalities I would never do it

Boomerangs but what about at night time, when you're asleep?
Or when you're in the shower?

Well it's not illegal in the uk Boomerang.

It must be exhausting to have your child within an arms length all the time.

Fair play to you all who do it. I'd find mine really fucking irritating within about two hours.

I've never really understood the polarised over the top " you irresponsible parent " thing when for example popping into the petrol station when you can see the child all the time

Having said that no I didn't do it until extremely recently and DS is 3 and I have done it twice

This is because my bff went into a petrol station when I was 7 months pregnant and the cashier accidently hit the alert button which slammed all the shutters down and trapped everyone until the police attended and the woman in front of bff had left her baby in the car and understandably had a meltdown as it took a good hour to get to the baby , they could see it on the camera and the police checked on th e baby asap (who incidentally apparently slept through the entire thing and was totally unharmed)

The story scared the bejeezus put of me so I never dared risk it..... until DS was 2.5 and became a stupendous 'twist and runner' and now at 8 months pregnant I have to make a risk assessment about whether if he takes off is it more dangerous if I can't get to him quickly or is he safer in the car

So twice I've left him in there when in plain sight

But barring leaving them for long periods of time ..... This is a judgement call situation.... not a cut and dried....quick ring social services one.... five mins whilst in the petrol station nor nursery is not cause to clutch the damn pearls

And mums wonder why we get a name for being all judgey I'm a bit amazed at the wording being used ... good lord

Boomerang there is Jo way o. Earth the man got a criminal record forbleaving a child in a car for a few minutes
And nobwaybdod social services get "heavily involved" over that one incident.
If they were "heavily involved" it would be because of other concerns.

In of itsself leaving a baby strapped in a car seat for a few minutes is not illegal, irresponsible or worthy of social services intervention.

If people honestly think its some form of neglect to do this, and they call the police and or child services as a result, then they need to visit ss and spend an hour with them and actually see how understaffed they are dealing with actual real cases if neglect and abuse.

To say that it is neglect is very damaging and irresponsible!

Boomerang

So you take your babies into the bathroom when you have a quick shower? And carry them with you when you're putting the rubbish out?

I wouldn't do it there are too many risks for me personally I would just panic the whole time. They are very unlikely risks and I don't judge other people who leave their children in the car to pop to the petrol station etc.

I am no better parent than people that do, I would prefer to be a bit more relaxed I think.

Haven't read the entire thread but 00100001, if it is the Tim Haines case, all of his children were put on the child protection register and he was charged with wilful exposure of a child to risk of significant harm. He went into the chemist to buy calpol and was less than ten minutes and could see the car at all times.

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11249091/Father-prosecuted-after-leaving-daughter-in-car-for-ten-minutes.html

The Haines family have been fighting now for ten years for there to be a clear legal position on leaving children unattended.

I think "because I couldn't be arsed to take them with me" is a perfectly valid reason for leaving your kids in the car....

Yep - agreed. Added to the fact that I'm a pretty intelligent woman and can make decisions based on my own risk perceptions.

For me, my kids dying in a hot car (despite the fact that its about 150oF here), the car catching fire or some maniac car jacking my jalopy with my two kids in it (good luck to the car jacker!) is a risk so imperceptible that it doesn't even feature on my radar.

I stand slightly corrected, however it also proves my point about how damaging silly accusations can be

I find the petrol station thing on mumsnet incredible - how do you all do it? Every time i attempt to take one of my children out of the car at the forecourt i get yelled at over the loudspeakers "no children on the forecourt!" And have to put them back in smartish. Ive always left my children, from babies, strapped in, doors locked, alarm activated in the front IN CASE they unstrapped themeselves and got in the front (never happened) and gobe and paid for my petrol. When they were younger and all asleep id often take the opportunity to hear myswlf thibk for a moment and peruse the newspaaper headlines. I have never, ever, ever seen anyone in RL get a baby or child out of the car when they go to get petrol.

After the Haines case, I never leave my kids in the car. If the pay at the pump isn't working then I do take them to the petrol station and I have been known to wake an ill, sleeping baby to take her in the pouring rain to pick up her brother from school.

Not because I'm paranoid about car being stolen, suffocation, kidnap...but because of the very real threat (as evidenced by OP and others on this thread) that somebody else will see fit to call the police/social services. Their story gives me the chills.

The thing that always amazes me most about these threads is the comments about 'just pay at the pump' as if every petrol station has that facility.

I couldn't be bothered bringing my DCs in with me to the petrol station so I leave them in the car - and warn them not to be hitting each other - and I don't keep an eye on the car out the window - I browse through the newspapers in the shop before wandering back to my car.

I also leave them in the house alone while I pop over to the shop - which is literally 30 seconds walk from my house. I know I could get flattened by a car on the walk and not be able to get back to my DCs but I think it's worth the risk - when I consider the hassle of getting the two of them dressed and out the door and trying to battle with them in the shop while they try to run around and grab things.

I have let them play alone downstairs while they were quite young and i was sick in bed. According to mumsnet I should never have done this. They kept coming up the stairs waking me so I didn't get much rest anyway - even though I pleaded with them to leave me alone.

The world is full of danger and you need to be careful without going over the top.

Pages Are you the hungover in bed lady ?

sparechange I'm totally with you. How likely is it that anything bad will happen to a child that is secured in a child seat, asleep and unable to get out of the seat or the car by itself?

I've seen threads like this where people say things like "the car could explode", or "another car could crash into it". Yes, of course that could happen (once in a blue moon) but it could also happen with the parent in the car and that would not make the child any safer would it?

One thing I read about said a grandparent left the baby in the car, got run over herself while running across to the shop and because she was unconscious nobody knew the baby was there til it had overheated and died. While that is obviously tragic, if she had taken the baby with her it would have been run over too - how is that better?

I'm at the idea that if you have a make and model of car that is prone to randomly bursting into flames, your response to this is just to take the kids out of the car when you pay for petrol.

Instead of y'know, changing it for a car that doesn't burst into flames.

I do actually know someone who's car caught fire (it was a Volvo) while she was driving it and her two kids were strapped in in the back. She was totally paralysed in fear and couldn't get them out of their seats. Thankfully the person in the car behind her stopped and got her kids out, but in her panic, she couldn't do anything. She was normally a very calm and collected person as well.