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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving children in cars? Is this ok or not?

142 replies

babarthefuckingelephant · 17/11/2015 21:30

Theres another mum at the nursery that i've noticed since the weather has been getting colder has been leaving her baby in the car while she takes her toddler in or picks her up. Car is locked and usually parked at the end of the path so 10-20ft from the door, and she seems really blasé about it but it unsettles me a bit and i don't know if IABU and just overanxious. Its a small nursery and you can be in and out in a minute or two but then you never know when someone will pull you to the side and it will take longer. I don't know whether to mention it to somebody, but then I leave my baby in the car when i go into the petrol station to pay for petrol (about the same distance and time), so am i just over worrying?

OP posts:
BeanGirls · 18/11/2015 09:52

This is such a non issue. It's really none of your business.

Notagainmun · 18/11/2015 12:14

Isn't anyone concerned about the car catching fire? It is more common than you think. When you park up the engine is still hot. Fire fighter mate has been to several where the car has gone up in minutes. He will never leave his DC in the car alone.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 18/11/2015 12:31

I always took DC with me when I paid for petrol. Either in car seat when tiny so didn't wake, or carried later. Others laughed at my paranoia. Then came the story of the car stolen at petrol station with 5 month old inside. It was eventually found in its car seat by the side of the road. And now Zafiras are spontaneously combusting.

Petrol stations are places with unattended cars and highly flammable fumes so not worth the risk.

CrispyFB · 18/11/2015 12:33

So long as it's not hot, yes, I do it. I've never left them for more than a few minutes though. I didn't with my first (including petrol stations!) and tried not to with my second. But now I have four and in some situations I honestly believe it is much safer to leave them in the car.

For instance yesterday I had to pick up my older two from an after school club at a busy sports centre. It was pitch dark, tipping it down with rain and blowing a gale. As a result I knew drivers (who often drive like twats in the car park as they're in a hurry) would find it hard to see pedestrians crossing quite a long way across the car park and at least one of mine is a bolter. I don't have enough hands to hold all four, so I left the younger two strapped in the unlocked car. Statistically I firmly believe my choice was the safest option.

ShootTheMoon · 18/11/2015 12:35

notagain no, I'm not rationally worried by fire. Apparently around 2 cars in every 1000 in the UK catch fire each year, and overwhelmingly these are arson attacks.

The engine is usually protected from the passenger space by a firewall. In my case the car is always in sight and is a few feet away. The risk to my child is far, far greater on the actual drive to preschool. That is why I have rear facing seats and drive sensibly within speed limits.

Risk and perceived risk are very different things.

Dragonsdaughter · 18/11/2015 12:41

Mmmm risk assessment - car spontaneously bursting into flames - getting 3 under 5's across the forecourt of a busy garage safely?

Seeyounearertime · 18/11/2015 12:48

Car fire worries? Jeez.
I'll add that to being worried about carbon monoxide, electricity fires, chip pan fires, not waking up in the morning, brain aneurism, getting burgled, lightning strikes and getting mown down by a killer double decker.

All things that could, but rarely happen.

kungfupannda · 18/11/2015 12:52

10 to 20 feet away? I'm struggling to see a problem.

DS1 used to go to a nursery with a small car park. I don't remember ever seeing anyone unloading another child to do the drop-off. The furthest car was probably 20 feet away.

Sounds like a perfectly reasonable approach by the mum.

Notagainmun · 18/11/2015 12:57

Yes, I may be slightly irrational over the tiny risk of fire but, as I said earlier in this thread, I have seen two inceidents of parked car at our local primary school, within a few years of each other, so that is probably why.

So all you who do leave their children for a few minutes, would you be happy for your childminder or Nanny to do the same?

mrsjanedoe · 18/11/2015 12:57

I never leave the kids in a petrol station, but we're lucky that there are enough pay at the pump stations around here, so it's a non-issue for us.

I would leave a baby in a private car park, or on a private drive, but not if the car was parked on a road. The risks of a someone crashing in my car are minimal, but it would make me feel too uncomfortable.

Leaving them whilst I go shopping (milk/ post office)? big no for me, but more importantly: I have seen quite a few times on social media people reporting that the police had been called. People are glue to their phone/ camera and prompt to report nowadays.

Wholelottawe1ght · 18/11/2015 12:57

If the car is locked amd child is safe I don't see the issue with leaving them for 2minutes its a very slim chance anything bad will happen,I have done it with my 5yr old to pick up a parcel.

What I have been agog at is walking through a large sainsburys car park where there was a lone parked 4x4 with one sleeping older child amd one sleeping baby with the windows wide open with not an adult in sight. Chances are still small but is Definetly more risk if the car isn't secure and not something I would do.

Writerwannabe83 · 18/11/2015 13:45

I think part of the concern is what if something serious were to happen to the adult, they collapsed or whatever and got carted off to hospital and nobody knew that 20 feet away she has left her baby in a car?

I know of an instance when this happened, a mother had a collapse of some sort, was unconscious, taken off by paramedics etc and as a result a baby was left unattended in a car for over 3 hours. The only way the baby was even 'discovered' was because when the woman's DH arrived at the hospital he asked the nursing staff where their baby was...

The chances of such things occurring are very small but that doesn't mean it can't happen.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 18/11/2015 13:55

I would leave my 7 year old to pop little one into nursery or pay for petrol. Wouldn't leave 21 month old if awake. Might leave for 1 minute or something if asleep and strapped in but only if I could see clearly. Hard to picture a nursery where you could see the car at all times as when paying for petrol (for instance if no pay at pump) but k would want to be able to see clearly.

phoenix1973 · 18/11/2015 14:48

Not if its one of those VAuxhall cars which has been known to catch fire for no reason.

Other than that depends on the location of the car in relation to the parent and also how long the carer is away from the car. Plus the age and number of the children. It's not one size fits all, is it.

BasinHaircut · 18/11/2015 14:49

Getting a child out of a car to go and pay for petrol/post a letter because you think to leave them would put them in some sort of danger is madness.

Bad things happen all of the time but to take the example of a car catching fire - i wonder the statistic significance of the difference in risk of mortal peril from any of the possible things that could happen, versus just leaving them in the car.

BasinHaircut · 18/11/2015 14:50

i didnt take the example of the car catching fire at all there did I! posting fail!

yumscrumfatbum · 18/11/2015 14:52

Personally I have never left any of my four children unattended in the car, at a petrol station, school or even on my drive. I have an irrational fear that my car will catch fire or that someone would snatch my child. I know this is unlikely but in my mind it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take. A car that I was driving caught fire once (pre children) and that possibility has stayed with me. I always used the garages where I could pay at the pump to avoid this scenario and if my children fell asleep in the car I would bring them in when we got home and inevitably wake them up. My friends and family members all thought I was being a bit ridiculous but it's how I felt. My children are all much older now. I don't judge others who leave their small children in cars in the scenario you have described, it just isn't something that I would do myself

wowis · 18/11/2015 16:06

I'm really surpised to hear the general consensus is leave them. I have done it to pay for petrol to be fair but wouldnt for anything else... its very rare but we know children go missing in under 5 minutes. william tyrrel, ben needham etc, very rare but possible.... just makes me feel why take the risk?

Pico2 · 18/11/2015 16:08

How would a child be taken from a locked car? Yes, we've heard of children being taken, but not from locked cars.

00100001 · 18/11/2015 16:10

yy pico

StormyBlue · 18/11/2015 16:47

I suspect the number of children kidnapped from locked cars is nearly non existant, where as children are hit by cars in car parks fairly frequently. Yet the former are the parents accused of taking risks. Hmm

Snossidge · 18/11/2015 16:57

I do this all the time - outside the shops, petrol station, drop off at school.

The risk of the car catching fire or kidnap is less than the risk of crossing a road with them, crossing the petrol forecourt, or even driving them there in the first place.

2ndSopranosRule · 18/11/2015 17:37

Most petrol stations round here seem to have pay at pump so that's not an issues for us, but I do leave mine in the car aged 8 and 5.

I actually let the 8 yo go to the shops on her own completely out of my sight and on holiday I let her swim in the deep end while I was I was on a sunlounger. Should I turn myself in to Social Services now, or later?

PurpleGreenAvocado · 18/11/2015 17:37

Well the worst is that your car could get stolen with them in it but it's highly unlikely to happen on a petrol station forecourt because of the numbers of people coming and going and the cctv etc. I'd say the nursery car park was fairly safe as well if it's at pick up and drop off time but I personally have left mine in the car at the petrol station but not in the nursery car park because it was too easy to get caught up talking when I couldn't see them.

Senpai · 18/11/2015 17:43

Senpai are you seriously suggesting I should find someone to watch my kids when I run out of bread and need to nip to the shop?

I'm suggesting that if you bring your children along, you need to bring them in, yes.

Or I should cart three children across a very busy forecourt, including two who like to run? I can see the car at all times, and I will carry on leaving them in the car.

Yes. It's called parenting. Teach them not to run off and you'll probably have better shopping experiences. If you're truly an ineffective parent and can't keep your cherubs in line, read some online advice and apply it.

There was a thread where the kids got into the front seat of a car and drove into the front of a shop. My parents left me and my brother in the car and we broke the electric seat motor.

There's never a reason to leave them in there.