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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving children in cars? Is this ok or not?

142 replies

babarthefuckingelephant · 17/11/2015 21:30

Theres another mum at the nursery that i've noticed since the weather has been getting colder has been leaving her baby in the car while she takes her toddler in or picks her up. Car is locked and usually parked at the end of the path so 10-20ft from the door, and she seems really blasé about it but it unsettles me a bit and i don't know if IABU and just overanxious. Its a small nursery and you can be in and out in a minute or two but then you never know when someone will pull you to the side and it will take longer. I don't know whether to mention it to somebody, but then I leave my baby in the car when i go into the petrol station to pay for petrol (about the same distance and time), so am i just over worrying?

OP posts:
Qwebec · 18/11/2015 02:57

In Quebec it is also illegal to leave a child under 7 alone in the car.

srslylikeomg · 18/11/2015 07:01

I think I must be on a different planet to some of you. If I saw a car parked outside a pharmacy and the mum had popped in leaving the kids I might hang around to make sure the mum came back but I sure as shit wouldn't call the police. Same with parking outside the nursery, report it? why??? It's a far more streamlined way of dealing with a nursery drop off and seems more risky to negotiate a busy car park/road. I genuinely don't see the concern.

Giraffescandance1 · 18/11/2015 07:11

I leave my baby in the car as long as I'm close by and can see it. I do it at petrol stations and if I'm collecting dd1 from nursery.

Tbh my biggest concern would be baby waking and crying rather than theft - I drive an old car so unlikely to be stolen, random baby kidnapping whilst I'm in view seems unlikely (plus they'd have to unstrap the seat/baby to get her out, by which point id be at the car punching the attacker

anotherbloomingusername · 18/11/2015 07:29

My local schools and nurseries often employ the "gossiping mums" system. There's always at least one cluster of mums gossiping outside the gates, so when a mum with a baby pulls up she'll alert the nearest group. The chatting mums shuffle over and continue gossiping while coo-ing at the baby and the baby's mum can run her child in.

Alternatively, passing mums with their children will offer to walk in the toddlers/older children so that the baby's mum doesn't need to get out of the car.

If you're worried, maybe you could offer to watch the baby or walk the toddler in to the nursery?

Senpai · 18/11/2015 07:35

If you want to run errands without your kid, leave them with a sitter. Otherwise, you brought them along, take them in with you.

It takes only one time for temps to get dangerously high or low in a moment of distraction for them to end up in the hospital because you didn't want to be inconvenienced. I'm not sure what the temps are in the UK, but here in the US kids die every year because of this.

Personally, if I saw a child in a car, I'd call the police and report it. If it was a hot day, I'd break the windows.

jamesdeandaydream · 18/11/2015 07:41

I thought all places did pay at the pump now? I've never needed to go inside a petrol station in years!

SocksRock · 18/11/2015 07:47

We don't have any pay at pump facilities within a 15 mile radius here. I leave my three in the car to pay for petrol, and to nip into the shop (actually the same place). It's busy, with lots of entrances and exits, a big shop, car garage and car wash. They are far safer in the car while I pay and I can't imagine social services giving a tiny shit.

WorzelsCornyBrows · 18/11/2015 07:49

My parents used to leave us in the car all the time, my mum used to leave us in the toy aisle in the supermarket while she did the weekly shop, but attitudes have changed and what was perfectly normal 30-40 years ago, just isn't now.

I would leave DCs in the car, but only if the car was off the road, in sight at all times and I wasn't going to be long. I those circumstances, I really can't see what the problem is.

PresidentUnderwood · 18/11/2015 07:50

I leave dd2 in the car nearly every day for 2 mins so I can drop DS off at school.

Car is left in private car park, window left slightly open even in winter and I can see car most of the time.

DD is a runner who hates been put in car seat, refuses to get dressed for school run and tries to walk into school screaming blue fucking murder when I try and get her back in the car.

I'm leaving her in the car until she moves up a car seat and can get out herself wouldn't trust the child not to drive the car

SocksRock · 18/11/2015 07:51

Senpai are you seriously suggesting I should find someone to watch my kids when I run out of bread and need to nip to the shop? Or I should cart three children across a very busy forecourt, including two who like to run? I can see the car at all times, and I will carry on leaving them in the car.

jamesdeandaydream · 18/11/2015 07:52

Ahh fair enough. I don't see the issue either.

MinesAPintOfTea · 18/11/2015 07:52

No child will overheat in a car in the uk in november.

gingerdad · 18/11/2015 07:58

We don't have any pay at the pumps with in 15 miles of here either. To be fair it's 8 miles to the nearest petrol station.

My dad regretted leaving me in the car when I was 6 or 7 as I'd branded the steering wheel with the cigarette lighter when he came back.

Janeymoo50 · 18/11/2015 08:02

I'd do the same probably. I once left my toddler charge asleep in her car seat for 45 mins when I popped to see my mum (my mum did ironing for the neighbours of my employers so I used to drop it off and collect it). My car was literally parked by the sitting room window (in the drive) and I could see her from my armchair. I've also done the leaving two toddlers strapped in their car seats in the nursery car park for 45 seconds when collecting the 4 year old from inside. I honestly think with the doors locked and two sleeping toddlers inside it would be highly unlikely someone would break in and get them both out (they'd have screamed like mad too if woken up!). I think it's all about weighing up risks and managing practical situations.

Notagainmun · 18/11/2015 08:07

Two cars at my local primary school have caught fire, soon after parking, in recent years. I have a Zafira and after the reports of them catching fire I am never going to leave a child in one for a minute alone, especially locked.

TheBitchOfDestiny · 18/11/2015 08:10

i have, and do, leave my dc in the car as long as I can see the car and its for a really short time

they are 9, 6, and 19 months

I think its fine

TheBitchOfDestiny · 18/11/2015 08:13

I did once ring the police though when I pulled up in a car park at a local shopping centre and noticed a baby and a toddler in a car next to me. the car park was quite a way from the shops and the toddler was out of his seat

I gave it a few mins in case the parents had literally just ran in to a shop though but no sign of them

I thought that was disgusting and neglectful and I hope they got a bollocking

Bungleboggs · 18/11/2015 08:17

What if the child in the car is contagious? Is it worth taking them in to potentially infect others?

ShootTheMoon · 18/11/2015 08:17

Are you talking about me? Small private car park, parked within 10ft of the preschool door? I leave my very young baby in the car if he is asleep because he doesn't transfer well.

I minimise carrying him in the car seat because I have hypermobility syndrome and already have a rib slightly out of place, and pain from one sided carrying. My wrists sublux too.

I bring him in in my arms if he is awake, but pick up is genuinely only a few minutes and the car does not get warm in winter in the UK. No one is driving fast in the car park as there are preschoolers getting back into their cars, so no chance of someone crashing!

No different to leaving when you pay for petrol, or leaving them while you unload shopping into the house, I feel.

HeadDreamer · 18/11/2015 08:24

I do that all the time. It's pretty safe here. Unless it's very hot. But in this weather, what is going to happen when the mum is at the nursery door?

HeadDreamer · 18/11/2015 08:26

I even return the supermarket trolley with the children strapped into the car. It's much harder to get them all walking through the carpark with me. That must be a slightly longer distance than the nursery door?

00100001 · 18/11/2015 08:31

do all the people who say "never leave them aloooooone ever" allow their children to go to the toilet alone? Are they allowed to be in their rooms alone?

It is definitely more risky to walk a child across a petrol forecourt than it is to leave them in the car for the few minutes.

And as for Senpai saying "get a sitter" pffffffffffft.

mrsm12 · 18/11/2015 08:31

I do it all the time too, much safer than trying to get ds1 into pre school while carrying 7 month old twins! Leave all 3 of them in the car if I'm paying petrol or getting bread and milk or cash point etc

Fallout4fan · 18/11/2015 08:31

Can't leave a baby or toddler in my car when it's locked because as soon as anyone breathes the alarm goes off.
My children are older however and can lock themselves in without the alarm going off which is handy when I can't be arsed to drive to the pay at pump petrol station not so handy when they won't unlock it so I can get back in Grin very embarrassing actually.

BooOzMoo · 18/11/2015 08:35

Wee have 3 ... 8,6&4 ... 6 year old needs a wheelchair.
Never ever get them out the car to pay for petrol... Never have. !!! Would be more dangerous to do that !!! When DS1 was 3 used to carry ds2 in bjorn and Dd1 in car seat to pick him up as couldn't park close enough !!!

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