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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect an 11 year old to be able to eat off the adults menu

429 replies

Icklepickle101 · 17/11/2015 16:46

Me & DP have been invited out to dinner by the in laws, text from MIL said 'you choose where we go, we aren't fussy'.

I text MIL I've booked a table at a local pub type and a copy of the menu. I then get a reply asking if we could go somewhere see as there is no children's menu for SIL age 11.

I could understand if the menu was fairly out there but there are things like a chicken Kiev or pie and mash but apparently these aren't suitable as she won't eat it all anyway.

I suggested she could eat something from the starters menu with a side but apparently this wouldn't be a balanced meal?

AIBU to expect and 11 year old (secondary school age!!!) to be able to choose something from the adults menu and not to want to change where we are going to accommodate her?

OP posts:
BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 17/11/2015 19:33

Thanks so much for highlighting that OnIlkelyMoor, I hoped it had slid under the radar Grin

Mominatrix · 17/11/2015 19:34

YANBU

Childrens' menus as vile, full of junk-n'-chips. All the pubs/restaurants we have been to will offer smaller portions of their adult menu for children - someone mentioned that this would be a faff and I just don't understand why.

Your MIL did ask you to choose and state that they were not fussy. She did not say, you choose but keep in mind that SIL is fussy.

No menu is so dire that the cannot find SOMETHING to eat. The typical children's menu at a pub would have chicken and chips, sausage and chips, fish and chips, and a pasta dish. I absolutely cannot imagine that these are not anywhere on the menu in some guise!

LineyReborn · 17/11/2015 19:34

theycallme,

OP says they do pay their way.

MIL claimed not to be fussy.

Foslady · 17/11/2015 19:35

I had a SIL of similar age pull similar stunts. I still remember her laughing as she told us as an adult what fun it ha been to get her mother to pander to her so she had one over on her brother.......I feel your pain.......

lavenderhoney · 17/11/2015 19:35

Get your dp or you or both of you to invite his 11 year old sister round, show her the menu and say " what do you think? Like anything on there?" And then look at other places and menus. Including her might make the difference. She might like the idea of a starter and some chips or something. Then you can say " x is fine with this mil, you can give her something nice for tea up to your standards"

The child isn't making a fuss, this is all being driven by your mil.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 17/11/2015 19:35

lemon - Except that the OP has said that the PIL always offer to pay, but in fact the OP and her DH do. It doesn't particularly sound like the PIL expect to pay. They expect to offer and not have to.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 17/11/2015 19:35

dh needs to tell the ILs it's his favourite place, seems to me the 11 year is is objecting on principle as the OP chose the venue

get canny and fight fire with fire, surely it's not beyond you to outwit a sulky preteen?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/11/2015 19:36

There are things on the menu that this girl will eat at home.

She has, in the past, chosen from the adult menu, when eating out.

Now, she is refusing to do either one or both of these - to m, that says she's being deliberately difficult, and is being allowed to get away with it. If this was my child, I wouldn't be allowing this behaviour, and if this was supposed to be a treat for me and my do, I would be cross at being held to ransom by an 11-year-old - and I would want to dig my heels in, and say this is where I want to go, SIL can take it or leave it.

But I recognise that this would cause tension with your ILs, Ickle - so, as a compromise, could you give your in-laws a shortlist of local restaurants that would be a treat for you, and leave the final choice up to them?

Potatoface2 · 17/11/2015 19:38

this is a treat for you after a difficult year.....that you have to book and rearrange around a spoilt 11 year old.....i would cancel it and go out alone with DP!

rookiemere · 17/11/2015 19:41

I agree with theycallmemellojello, MIL doesn't know that you intend to pay your own share, therefore whilst what she has done is rude - saying you can pick the restaurant when it turns out that actually you can't - putting your foot down would be impolite.

It's not really etiquette approved but I would be tempted to go back and say "We'd really like to go there, do you know they have burgers, pasta, pizza" - whatever it is on the menu that SIL normally eats as MIL may not be aware of this

battlebacktonewlife · 17/11/2015 19:43

She's spoilt. Stick to your guns.

However the SIL isn't the issue. Your PIL are and I hope both you and your husband address that going forward.

She's a child. She's acting the way her parents allow her to.

Place your boundaries and stick to them. Then make sure you follow through and PIL understand that you will continue to.

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 17/11/2015 19:43

Have text MIL saying

"Sorry, saw there were things on the menu that dd eats at home so assumed it would be suitable. If dd doesn't want to go let's just go to Pizza Express like usual and me and DP will go to x pub for a special dinner another time'

Pizza Express is SIL's favourite, hence we always end up there so will see what the response is.

OP posts:
wallywobbles · 17/11/2015 19:43

Offer to pay for a baby sitter!! Sounds like a win win to me!

Bubbletree4 · 17/11/2015 19:44

I'd just tell mil ok you'll cancel the booking and can mil book somewhere that's ok with the child Hmm.

I have a fussy dc with asd and would never derail something someone else planned. I would just get dc something plain and snack later if necessary.

rookiemere · 17/11/2015 19:46

I feel your pain OP - Pizza Express is such a ginormous case of Emperor's new clothes, if I have to have pizza I'd rather go to my local Italian and have something else or Pizza Hut and pay half the price.

chumbler · 17/11/2015 19:48

Has anyone asked the kid what she wants?

JugglingFromHereToThere · 17/11/2015 19:49

That sounds like a happy compromise to me OP
Though have to say looks a bit like DP's sis has kind of got her own way/what she likes/ her fav restaurant
But maybe that's not your problem?!

TheFairyCaravan · 17/11/2015 19:50

I agree with Bathtime up thread.

If MIL had decided on this pub and OP didn't like the menu folk would say MIL was being unreasonable not to change the venue. But because it's a child they have to suck it up.

reni2 · 17/11/2015 19:50

Oh, ok then. You get your treat where SIL wants, make sure to treat her on her own birthday to a curry.

theycallmemellojello · 17/11/2015 19:51

Yeah, the PILs have invited and said they'll pay. In my book that means that you have to go somewhere they are happy with (even if the OP does win a fight over the bill at the end). They have asked the OP to accommodate SIL's wishes, and in those circumstances I think it would be unreasonable not to do so. It would have been better if they'd mentioned if before, but there you go.

originalmavis · 17/11/2015 19:51

I still remember tbe horror when the waiter tried to give DS tbe "wee kiddie Christmas menu" when we sent out for a family meal.

It was things like fish fingers and chips, hot dig and chips, pizza and chips, pasta and chips, chips and chips, etc. He was very disappointed that he wasn't getting turkey with roast potatoes and stuffing (hates sprouts though, the odd child).

He must be been about 5. He did get his proper Christmas dinner after some negotiation with the waiter (who was a bit of a jobsworth).

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 17/11/2015 19:52

So she's got exactly her own way. Again.

Just sure as hell don't refuse to let them pay.

Viviennemary · 17/11/2015 19:52

Yes she should be able to eat something off the adult menu. Eleven year olds would normally not be eating from the children's menu in any case. Some people are such hard work it's a bother arranging anything with them. YANBU.

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 17/11/2015 19:55

MIL has said we shouldn't choose somewhere just because of SIL, it should be somewhere WE want to go.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK Hmm

OP posts:
zeezeek · 17/11/2015 19:55

Oh FFS stop being dictated to by a child. No one is doing this brat any favours by pandering to her and she is only going to become worse as she gets older.

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