To expect an 11 year old to be able to eat off the adults menu

[Icklepickle101]

Me & DP have been invited out to dinner by the in laws, text from MIL said 'you choose where we go, we aren't fussy'.

I text MIL I've booked a table at a local pub type and a copy of the menu. I then get a reply asking if we could go somewhere see as there is no children's menu for SIL age 11.

I could understand if the menu was fairly out there but there are things like a chicken Kiev or pie and mash but apparently these aren't suitable as she won't eat it all anyway.

I suggested she could eat something from the starters menu with a side but apparently this wouldn't be a balanced meal?

AIBU to expect and 11 year old (secondary school age!!!) to be able to choose something from the adults menu and not to want to change where we are going to accommodate her?

I'd have thought that tbe last thing an 11 year old would want is the a kiddies menu. Pizza express kids menu hasn't filled up DS since he was about 8 and he's not the biggest of eaters. He usually has 2 kids portions at wagamas because he really likes one of the dishes that hasn't got an adult equivalent (and he eats my dumplings too).

Your MIL can't have it both ways - are you allowed to choose where to go, or is SIL in charge?
I think you should put your foot down or she's going to keep getting away with it.

MIL is being ridiculous.
I'd text back and say well the pub's where we want to go that's why we booked it. They have x, y and z that we know DSIL likes. But if that's not going to work you choose somewhere and DH and I will go to the pub for a special meal some other time.

Tell her the pub then! And get a smell portion for the princess

Small

They prob is a kids menu they don't always advertise it

They will do a small portion if you ask

Order a starter instead

Order a main meal and she can eat what she can and leave it

Ffs why did she ask you to pick if it's an issue !

So it's sorted then. Choose where you and dp want to eat and let the brat just suit herself, she can eat or watch everyone else eat.

From here I would say "It's fine, we do like Pizza Express, let's go there"

• Keeping the peace is worth a lot with IL's of all kinds! And they do do very nice pizza

Then just quietly go somewhere with DP another night?

Your pub then. You could print a copy of their normal menu, with some Frozen pictures on to colour in and bring some crayons, she might fall for it .

Just ring mil and say (pleasantly), "Just so we're clear, are we to choose where to eat as previously suggested, or is sil to make the final decision? If it's the latter, let me know where she has decided our treat should be."

With just the right tone it should hammer home to mil how ridiculous this is.

My 11yo has refused point blank to eat from a kids' menu for the past 3 years, even though it means he only eats half his food, much of the time. He has ASD and re-defines fussy eating. (If there's not a burger and fries with no mayo on it (his rules dictate that he's not allowed to ask for something on a menu to be left off), or spag bol, he'll sit and squirm and watch everyone else eat and declared that he's bored, after 5 minutes).

or just buy a happy meal.

Missed the update, sorry.

Stick to your original choice then!

You obviously will never please your SIL or MIL so I would stick to your guns on this one - you will never win, so you might as well enjoy the meal you would like.

Stop texting your MIL. Relay the latest exchange to your DH and tell him to make the arrangements. Whatever you do now you are the bad guy.

In fact, better than that. Text MIL. Say "I'm feeling a bit under the weather so off to bed. Will get DH to arrange with you xx". Then tell him.

It's quite entertaining watching Mumsnetters tying themselves up in knots because they have here in one person a MIL who is by definition always wrong and a fellow mother, who by definition always right!

OP. Choose another restaurant. Let your MIL give you the treat she wants to give you. And try not to hate your sister in law too much- she's 11 and will be a completely different person in a few years time. A person who might well be a fun favourite aunt for your bBy. None of us would like our 11 year old selves to be judged by adult standards.

Why are you doing all the communicating? Why is your DP not speaking to his mother about his sister? Hell, why can't he speak to his sister directly? Why can't someone just pick up the phone instead of sending passive aggressive texts (which you text about going to PE as usual was, OP)?

The SIL is being childish (well, she is s child after all). But tbh the OP isn't coming out of this smelling of roses either.

YANBU/YABU as you can see I am in two minds about this. I don't think YABU to think that an 11 year old should be able to find something on a menu that they would eat (have 11 year old DS myself and expect this from him and have done for the past 2 years or so) BUT given that your SIL has been pandered to and allowed to be a spoilt brat up until this point you can not expect a change so therefore I think that a meal where everyone can enjoy themselves is a best option.

Yanbu. She's being a brat.

I think I'd find an excuse to avoid the meal as it will just be stressful.

If it's meant to be a treat for you and dh, it should be your choice and not a pander to dsil.

Again, my advice is avoidance by all necessary means possible.

Having an 11 year old myself as said in PP they are full of themselves, hormones and emotions run rife. While still a child they are trying to place themselves in an adult world...though it also does sound like she is a bit entitiled

She's right op - GO WHERE YOU WANT TO GO! Stuff what the kid wants it's supposed to be your treat so stick to you damned guns!

I don't think its the SIL that's the problem.

It's the fact that the MIL is letting an 11 year old dictate where she takes other relatives for dinner. It sounds as if MIL lets her call the shots for an easy life, but doesn't realise the impact on others. MIL can't have her cake and eat it. She can't say its the OP and DH's choice if she has vetoed the pub because SIl won't like it.

Some DCs will always push the boundaries as far as they can. It's the responsibility of the parent to teach them what is and isn't acceptable.

I think those of us who are older, Bertrand, just have to get over this insistence that making phone calls is better than texting. It makes us sound stuck in the past and unable to accept change. People do it by text now, that is the norm, we need to get on with it or forever seem a bit daft (like the Mum in the Liver Birds who kept her telephone in a cupboard and was frightened when it rang).

My DS wasn't a brat, he just didn't like anything other than bland food, it took his palate longer to change. He's 17 and eats almost everything now.