To expect an 11 year old to be able to eat off the adults menu

[Icklepickle101]

Me & DP have been invited out to dinner by the in laws, text from MIL said 'you choose where we go, we aren't fussy'.

I text MIL I've booked a table at a local pub type and a copy of the menu. I then get a reply asking if we could go somewhere see as there is no children's menu for SIL age 11.

I could understand if the menu was fairly out there but there are things like a chicken Kiev or pie and mash but apparently these aren't suitable as she won't eat it all anyway.

I suggested she could eat something from the starters menu with a side but apparently this wouldn't be a balanced meal?

AIBU to expect and 11 year old (secondary school age!!!) to be able to choose something from the adults menu and not to want to change where we are going to accommodate her?

If your DH wants to play along with her behaviour and is going to make it "Ickle said we had to stick to the original restaurant " then you cannot win.

Tell him that you are having nothing more to do with this bar turning up. His family can sort out restaurants. You can arrange a meal out with friends as your treat instead.

I think you really have to remember she is a child. Seems a bit odd to me to refer to her as "SIL" throughout the thread. I think I'd have to say DP's (little) sister. Yes, I know it's longer but still.
Adults need to provide stability where possible and that includes not letting the youngsters call all the shots, also trying to get on with each other and reach sensible decisions in a reasonable way

*"Yes, because she knows there was a need for one."

But she didn't when she told Op to choose somewhere to go?*

Im sorry but I don't know what point you're trying to make and I think you've not understood what I said.

Dear me, this thread reminds me of the time I had to tell my difficult but lovely nephew he was eating chicken when it was bunny rabbit. He ate every last morsel, in his innocence.
Sorry, OP, my enjoying winding up the more humourless, less cosmopolitan, folk on this thread isn't helping you with your dilemma. You're probably going to have to suck it up and go somewhere which passes your SIL's muster, for the sake of playing Happy Families. Though as you will have gathered, I don't think you're behaving in the least unreasonably! Good luck!

My 11 year old would never manage the quantity of an adult meal and id probably have a hard time finding something he would eat. He's not babied, he just has food issues.
I think the OP sounds about 11...

Tell him that you are having nothing more to do with this bar turning up. His family can sort out restaurants. You can arrange a meal out with friends as your treat instead.

This.

I just read your DH is not on board. You're not going to win this. You can however remove yourself from the situation and refuse to participate.

How often do you do these meal things? If this is a once in a while things, I'd suck it up and find a place everyone likes.

If plans are constantly dictated by a child, time to dig your feet in and stop tolerating it.

hefzi - I thought that too but the OP has clarified:
FIL has said it was SIL that made a fuss and refused to go
So I'm coming around to the thinking that SIL is being a brat over this. Although suspect there's more likely to be a happy resolution if the OP just picks somewhere else.

"Im sorry but I don't know what point you're trying to make and I think you've not understood what I said."

Because if it was that important, MIL would have said it to OP in the first place!

You don't have to stick to your choice or chose somewhere else. Let them choose, and then let them pay. So annoying when people ask for ideas then rubbish them without offering anything themselves.
If you choose somewhere else and sil doesn't like that either? Let Mil worry about it.

My DC have never eaten from a children's menu because it was always a load of old shit like chicken nuggets and sausages and chips.

My ds is a fussy eater. He goes where we go and has whatever he will eat. So carvery he had soup and cheesy garlic bread. Indian he has plain rice and naan. No way should a child be dictating.

I wouldn't change the venue OP It's your treat. The sil can stay at home with a babysitter

diddl, we're talking at cross purposes here and you've obviously not understood my response to a previous poster so if its ok with you I'll leave you to just get on with it.

I'm amazed at the number of people excusing the SIL's behaviour because "she's only 11"! If she'd been 4 I could have understood it but not 11 - that's perfectly old enough to to be able to behave properly and not act like a spoilt brat.

Having said that I'd bow out of this one and just let MIL choose (& pay!). Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle....

My 9 yr old eats of te adult menu, I really wouldn't pander to this

What a ridiculous fuss about nothing.

You are still in the planning phase of this meal out and your first suggestion doesn't suit the people who have invited you out.

So you don't go.

Even if you hate their child and want to teach her a lesson, you don't because it is rude and pointless and incredibly childish.

I can't get over an adult making this much of a fuss over where they get taken out for a meal.

Have a word with yourself.

She can eat off the adults menu or starve. She is 11 not a toddler. Don't suck it up to keep the peace, it will only encourage more bratty behaviour.

Oh FGS - they're really not doing her any favours by letting her dictate where you eat.

My DS has sensory processing disorder. I've taken him to quite a few restaurants where there is literally nothing he will eat on the menu. But everywhere serves bread.

I try and find somewhere that will serve him something but if he has just bread or chips, he's not going to die.

As you said earlier, thank them politely, get a takeaway with DP. Re-visit when SIL is old enough not to be babied like that. Alternatively, see it as SIL's last chance to play the baby before there is a real baby in the family and the spotlight moves on.

I agree with Libraries.

Just say, "Okay, you sort it out between you, and let me know what you choose."

But, don't offer to pay. If it's their treat, let it be their treat.

MIL wants a 'balanced meal' and opts for the ghastly children's menu?

Get tae fuck with that.

"it sounds like she is being as unpleasant as she can pooibly be." What a superb typo Bewitched, I think I might adopt that phrase.

Hand it back over to your MIL to sort out OP; its not on to invite someone out and say "your choice of restaurant - but not that one!". She is not doing her or her daughter any favours, but SIL's 'spoiltness' for want of a better word is not your concern: not your circus, not your monkeys. And then have a treat for you and your DH - alone - another time.

I'm amazed at the number of people excusing the SIL's behaviour because "she's only 11"! If she'd been 4 I could have understood it but not 11 - that's perfectly old enough to to be able to behave properly and not act like a spoilt brat.

Yes, but at 11 this still isn't entirely her fault so much as it is the parents catering to madam bossypants. If I refused to go somewhere my parents at that age I would have told me too damn bad and dragged me while swearing under their breath they'd kill me if I didn't behave.

You're being treated to dinner. So in the circumstances, I think it's very U to complain about this request, even if it would have been better if it had been mentioned before you made the original booking.