To expect an 11 year old to be able to eat off the adults menu

[Icklepickle101]

Me & DP have been invited out to dinner by the in laws, text from MIL said 'you choose where we go, we aren't fussy'.

I text MIL I've booked a table at a local pub type and a copy of the menu. I then get a reply asking if we could go somewhere see as there is no children's menu for SIL age 11.

I could understand if the menu was fairly out there but there are things like a chicken Kiev or pie and mash but apparently these aren't suitable as she won't eat it all anyway.

I suggested she could eat something from the starters menu with a side but apparently this wouldn't be a balanced meal?

AIBU to expect and 11 year old (secondary school age!!!) to be able to choose something from the adults menu and not to want to change where we are going to accommodate her?

Susan is right.

how else do you think people learn their behaviour and actions have consequences. if your difficult, stroppy, manipulative etc then no, no one's going to want to speak to you or play with you while you are acting that way.

perhaps if she was actually made to realise it was unacceptable rather than people switching plans to suit her all the time shed cut the crap.

It sounds ridiculous, but I'd just roll my eyes and pick somewhere else with a child's menu, or else if you think you'll find her so annoying at the meal that it's not worth it just cancel the whole thing.

I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself at the place you chose if she was liable to be sulking and not eating anything.

This sounds like quite an extreme reaction to an 11 year old.

Is it really your MIL attitude to the 11 year old you dislike? Does she let her wants override absolutely everything and everyone else?

There's food available at the pub that she will usually eat without complaint.
The pub has said they will do a small portion of anything from the normal menu.
She could have a starter and a side order of something if that's not good enough.

She has absolutely nothing to object to by the sounds of it and is most likely kicking off purely to cause trouble. She sounds lovely.

Of course the MIL and DIL are being unreasonable. But the OP isn't parenting SIL, and may not want to start a long lasting family feud over a steak and chips.

Does she let her wants override absolutely everything and everyone else?

I suspect the girl is a late baby and indulged because of it.

Aye PIL changed their wedding colour theme because SIL objected when she was 8!!!

DP has said I can't refuse to go and us have a takeaway and it's up to me if I want to choose somewhere else or stick with my first choice.

In a way I'm tempted to stick with my choice to prove a point that even if her parents pander to her every desire I will not, otherwise I can see there being boundary issues when the baby arrives but equally I don't want to cause unnecessary tension.

I'm not in favour of children's menu's in general - it's got too much like children can't eat real food and it would be cruel to face them with an actual vegetable! Though they can be good value I will concede

Sansoora it's probably that the posters don't think that there's anything special or complicated about olives. If they're not part of your daily diet it may be a bit much to suddenly expect your 4 year old to tuck in nicely on demand.

I've seen the looks in faces when south american and middle eastern friends have visited, asked for something British, so I give them a full on roast beef or shepherds pie. They do this I don't call their children fussy and make sure there are bits served in a way that they can forage on.

Maybe we have too much choice here? Where some of my relatives were in France every restaurant served pretty much the same thing. If the kids grow up going to those same places repeatedly for years , yes they will be used to it.

Sorry Libraries I thought I'd read it all, must have missed your post.

And yes MIL sounds determined to cave in to this girl's attempts at manipulating everybody.

Another pp said MIL should be helping her daughter to adjust to the new family dynamic.

God if I try'd to make my 11 eat of the children's menu, then she'd want a least 3 of them.

Last time we went out she had a normal adult fish and chips, which she inhaled cleared her plate then finished her dad's chips as he never eats more then a couple.

Even my 6 yr was disappointed with the size of his dinner from the child's menu.

Oh don't worry Bewitched. I wasn't being an arse. I meant it more like 'great minds think alike'.

YANBU

An 11 year old child is either being deliberately awkward and expecting the adults to rearrange plans to suit her - which shouldn't be indulged
Or she has genuine serious food issues in which case why would her mother suggest eating out and leaving the choice to you?

However, since she told you "we aren't fussy" you can assume this is the former.

My children usually feel short changed if they get handed a nuggets and chips type menu, and usually beg for something from the adult menu because it is always much more enticing. But I am the laziest cook in the world so they have always had to eat whatever I make, no menu choices at home.

She sounds very difficult. But she's 11. YABU to blame her.

YANBU to blame your MIL, for offering you the restaurant choice and then vetoing it, and for pandering to your SIL's nonsense (and possibly for your SIL's behaviour in general).

Be the adult. Suck it up, ask MIL nicely to select a venue, and have a special meal with your DH on another occasion.

She made them change their wedding colours.

Was your DH this spoiled OP?

As far as I've read, there's no sign from OP that the SIL has refused to eat off the adult menu: rather, the MIL has asked them to choose somewhere with a child's menu.

I think YABU not to change, given that you've been asked to do so - you might want to prove a point about a child you clearly dislike, but it doesn't reflect well, on you as an adult. Do the right thing - and perhaps asl MIL where she would suggest.

rather, the MIL has asked them to choose somewhere with a child's menu.

Yes, because she knows there was a need for one.

Krampus - I hear you

I took it how you meant it

Ickle I think you're in a difficult position in this family. I don't blame you for not liking this girl, it sounds like she is being as unpleasant as she can pooibly be.

For the sake of your future I would be inclined to try and hide my dislike and absolutely pounce on anything positive and praise her to the heavens.

It's going to be so lovely for the baby to have such a young auntie, blah, blah, sure you get the gist.

But be uncompromising when it comes to indulging her spoilt brat moments.

DP has said I can't refuse to go and us have a takeaway

Sounds like the bossy behaviour is not limited to your SIL. You don't have to go - I might actually 'pander' to them, then suddenly have a severe case of morning sickness an hour before going. However, I'm mean and grumpy .

*possibly be

"Yes, because she knows there was a need for one."

But she didn't when she told Op to choose somewhere to go?

I was a bottomless pit and was eating adult meals from age 8. As an adult I eat about half that. If she doesn't eat it all, box it up and take it home as left overs.

That said, she's 11. You can't really hold much against a child. You have a PIL problem for allowing their child to run the show, not a SIL problem. You talk about her like you would an adult throwing a strop.

Next time just do something with you and DP. Or tell them you're eating here and would like them to join, if they suggest something else tell them they're welcome to eat there but you and DP are still eating at that place.