To expect an 11 year old to be able to eat off the adults menu

[Icklepickle101]

Me & DP have been invited out to dinner by the in laws, text from MIL said 'you choose where we go, we aren't fussy'.

I text MIL I've booked a table at a local pub type and a copy of the menu. I then get a reply asking if we could go somewhere see as there is no children's menu for SIL age 11.

I could understand if the menu was fairly out there but there are things like a chicken Kiev or pie and mash but apparently these aren't suitable as she won't eat it all anyway.

I suggested she could eat something from the starters menu with a side but apparently this wouldn't be a balanced meal?

AIBU to expect and 11 year old (secondary school age!!!) to be able to choose something from the adults menu and not to want to change where we are going to accommodate her?

Oh that's bolody ridiculous.

I have this image of MIL with a wheedling voice saying to SIL, "we are going to X because Ickle wants to is that OK"

How was she given the opportunity to fuss?

The little naughty brat is just doing this to get her own way. Why on earth can't she just find something on the menu. Your Pil need to stop pandering to this but she is their child so will probably do so. I think best you and your dp go out on your own, no need to put up with this unecessary stress.

They must be at least mid 20's as the OP's partner is about 14 years old than his sister.

Agreed Krampus. I did try to bring my DS up to be a proper mumsnetty child but he steadfastly rejected avocado, houmous and olives.

So beige childrens menus are pretty much the only way we can enjoy a meal out without a massive strop.

Clearly she doesn't though so either change the place to suit or don't go. It is that simple.

I dont understand the remarks about olives, avacado, and hummus. They're every day foods where we live as they are in many countries of the world.

Smacks to me of tail wagging dog - I wouldn't want to be forced to go to a harvester or beefeater to satisfy a whiny 11 yr old that has form for being a PITA. She IS the child and as such the adults need to take control of the situation. Sounds like the teen years are here and she is best avoided at all costs OP

Ahem, the gloating offshore folk: the vast majority of British MNers on this thread are saying the MIL and SIL are being beyond ridiculous. So stuck that up your marrow bone and stew it!

Yanbu. You are not being in the slightest bit unreasonable. Not one jot.

When you posted about disliking her, I assume you meant your mil?

But, in any event, of course an 11 year old should be able to eat something off a menu in any pub. And when mil said "you choose" she then changed that to "you choose so long as it has a children's menu" which is different.

They serve chips they serve ice cream. job done. seriously.

won't drop dead if it's not a "balanced meal"

she eats the stuff at home so she's being difficult fir difficult sake.

YABU to expect SIL to make do. It's not that precious to expect a nice meal to be a nice meal without having to faff about asking for smaller portions. Presumably you don't live in the sticks so it's pretty easy to book somewhere that everyone likes and doesn't make anyone feel like a second-class citizen.

I'll say what I always say on threads like this - having a feud with a child never reflects well on an adult. You and your SIL are going to be in each other's lives for a long time. You can be the adult and try to make it work or you can turn every little decision into a battleground. But if you do the latter, you have to realise that will impact on your DP and your ILs.

oh and any decent pub grub gastro place that cooks from fresh wld accommodate a child in my view and experience and I don't even live in the south

the gloating offshore folk

Who are the gloating offshore folk?

Im even more confused now.

This is your DP's family . Let him sort it and chug along for the ride.

And why would you pander to deliberately difficult.

be different if she was phobic or genuinely fussy or had allergies etc.

but refusing to eat food you have eaten everywhere else is just petty and not something anyone should cave into.

Your dislike of your sil dripps through every post. She doesn't want to go because she knows you don't like her.

Oh and people adapt all the time it's no big deal. no dressing or smaller potion or chips instead of jacket etc. ALL THE TIME

no one's carrying an arrow with neon lights ready to make it obvious to the world

OP is under no obligation to like her SIL. Jesus, even kids have to learn not everyone likes them particularly when they behave like a spoiled brat.

In principle, I agree with you OP. There's no reason whatsoever that a child can't choose from the adult menu, especially when there are things she'll eat and the pub has said they'll do smaller portions for kids. I also don't believe you're a shitty person for disliking an 11 year old. They may not have the same motives as adults and their manipulative behaviour isn't uncommon, but it doesn't make all of us immune. I was the child that a few adults in my family disliked...believe it or not, it actually did me good. I really did feel the consequences of my actions, which I wouldn't have if everyone had pretended my behaviour didn't affect how well liked I was. That's how we learn not to be dicks.

However, I'd pick my battles. And this one isn't worth it. There will be bigger ones that aren't solved as easily as saying "ok MIL, you can pick somewhere, we don't mind."

I'd also say that as you're all paying for yourselves, you all have equal right to object to a place. If MIL had simply said that she didn't like the place and would you mind picking somewhere else, I'm sure your reaction would be different. You're reacting to her reason rather than her request.

People posting from abroad saying their kids eat out, frogs legs, Brits are weird about food......

Nice Susan

No-one seems to have considered the option that if SIL can't behave and find something she's willing to eat, she stays at home with a babysitter.

That's what I would have been told at that age, and what I would have said to my kids.

Bloody ridiculous pandering.

Ah right.

Im posting from abroad and I think its weird that avacado, hummus, and olives are a 'thing' on MN.

Bewitched - I said that a while back. But the MIL is clearly not on board with giving consequences.

It reads as if the 11 year old has been babied a lot to behave like this. Neither I, nor any of my siblings would have been allowed to dictate dinner plans (unless our own birthday/celebration), and one of my sisters had an illness that meant she ate like a baby bird for a few years. In fact, by your SIL age, we would have been quite mortified if our mum insisted we had to eat from the children's menu. Yes, 11 is still a child - but not in the same sense as a primary school child or younger. Without any other issues, most children this age want to be treated a bit more 'grown up', and dinner out with mum, big brother and pregnant SIL is a great chance at being a little bit adult. Seems harsh, but I probably would stick to my guns on this one - if the menu does not suit SIL, I'm sure she has grandparents that can babysit for a couple of hours and fill her with all the nuggets and chips she can handle.