To expect an 11 year old to be able to eat off the adults menu

[Icklepickle101]

Me & DP have been invited out to dinner by the in laws, text from MIL said 'you choose where we go, we aren't fussy'.

I text MIL I've booked a table at a local pub type and a copy of the menu. I then get a reply asking if we could go somewhere see as there is no children's menu for SIL age 11.

I could understand if the menu was fairly out there but there are things like a chicken Kiev or pie and mash but apparently these aren't suitable as she won't eat it all anyway.

I suggested she could eat something from the starters menu with a side but apparently this wouldn't be a balanced meal?

AIBU to expect and 11 year old (secondary school age!!!) to be able to choose something from the adults menu and not to want to change where we are going to accommodate her?

I was all set to say YABU as DS is a bit of a fussy eater, but having read the circumstances YANBU. FWIW DS wouldn't eat chicken kiev or pie and mash, he would however eat spag bol, fish and chips or a plain burger, most of which are on a pub menu. It is a bit tricky now as he's getting too old for children's menus - portions aren't big enough, but is too much of a fussy eater to enjoy a proper adult menu. Clearly all the result of my horrendously bad parenting, but in the circumstances you describe I'd tell him to have chips and be quiet.

However if PIL offered it as a treat then I'd throw it back to them and say "Ok didn't know this wouldn't work. Why don't you book somewhere that SIL is happy with, we'll go wherever you like." and then I wouldn't offer to pay as they have offered it as a gift and have imposed conditions that mean you can't go to the restaurant you want to.

My kids (10 and 11) WON"T eat from the children's menu! But they eat more than I do, so fair do's.

It does sound as though this has come from MIL.

Op, perhaps you dislike the behaviourmore than her?

And the way that she is pandered to (which isn't herfault).

So your OH thinks taht you should choose somewhere else.

I'd feel like saying to forget it tbh.

Also, am I remembering incorrectly, butI'm sure kids food used to be just a smaller portion of what was on the menu?

My dc would all prefer to eat off the adult menu, and would have since they were small. However it's a matter of price. Children's meals are often much cheaper, come with free refills or free desert, and that's why the children have them.
It's not that they won't eat the food at all.

Well, I guess I don't really see why you have got your heart particularly set on the place you are going. You don't make it sound like you chose it for any particular reason, and the only reason you don't want to change the booking seems to be out of principle. Which is all very well, but wouldn't it have been less stressful all round to just say "Oh, OK. Where shall we go instead?". It only becomes a battle where she can "win" if you let it be.

Are you trying to make a point to her and her family?

"Tell your MIL to forget it and you and your DP go out alone.

Agree. More trouble than it's worth"

Yep. Because the MIL's feelings don't matter at all..............

She eats those things at home?

Cancel. Seriously . It's not worth it.

If I was the MIL I would be getting a sitter and going without her. Clearly your MIL either doesn't want to go there herself or indulges her tantrums. Either way it won't be a treat.

I wouldn't put up with this from my 6 year old . Or my 4 year old for that matter.

I have to say OP, your SIL is only 11. Do you really want to be setting yourself up for conflict with an 11yo?

She at least IS actually a child, but what is your excuse? Decline the invite - ffs, do you realise you sound like a sulky child yourself? Here they are trying to do something nice for you and your DP, trying to include their younger child and all you can do is have a strop because it's not going exactly as you want?

It was only pub food anyway, hardly the treat of the year. Why not just ask them to choose what would suit? If the adults in her life want to indulge teh 11yo, they probably have their reasons don't you think? Probably know more about her and what she might need than MN? Hmm?

The MIL can't be doing that bad a job, you married her DS!

I wonder if SIL is the same 11-year-old who commented on a stranger's fat legs and was then called a cunt by that stranger while out with her godmother a few days ago (on another thread).

Why should she change it. the kid eats the stuff at home and she's clearly just having them on. as Pp said nothing majors happened her family is all still there she's clearly just used to getting her own way.

if she was my kid I'll tell her to order sone chips and jeep her mouth shut if she can't do anything but whine. like hell.od pander to this nonsense

Wilting - except it's not about including the child if the menu includes things she will regularly eat at home and the pub have said they can do small portions.

If they knew there were food issues, why would they say they aren't fussy and suggest the OP chooses. It smacks of power games from someone and I'd opt out of playing.

Except that we don't know yet that the SIL has anything to do with this and that it's not just the MIL's attempt to make her feel included and build some bridges.

Well, there is nothing to force her to change it, Giles. But frankly, why shouldn't she? It is not like it will make any difference. It doesn't sound like a carefully chosen and special dinner location - just a "local pub type". With that being the case, if one of the attendees is unhappy why not change to a different "pub type" which will accommodate them happily?

You know. Because to an adult it really doesn't make any difference.

But none of that matters. So what? Not up to OP to start seeking to interfere with how SiL is being reared really is it?

The MiL is hosting. Probably paying. Wants to change this to suit her 11yo daughter.

It's only becoming a power game 'cause the OP is reacting.

Indeed Giles. If I was the MIL it wouldn't have got as far as a text to the OP. My child would have been a strict talking to at home.

Sometimes I feel like I'm from another era. I'm only 35.

Honestly I think the entire situation is ridiculous. I think that the child should eat from an adult menu but since she won't I can't see why you can't just say "OK well you pick I'm not fussed".

Think it's obvious things are a bit fraught but think all sides are being a bit precious here. Sorry OP.

Make her feel included how exactly Giraffes. If she wanted her to feel included you'd say "shall we let SIL choose?". Not suggest they do and then one or the other refuses the choice.

Wilting - OP says she is paying for herself. And whilst it isn't her job to parent, it's perfectly within her rights not to want to play along with baby ing a year 6 child.

It's a local pub but independent and most of their food is locally sourced and tastes nicer than a lot of chain restaurant food I have had.

FIL has said it was SIL that made a fuss and refused to go so MIL wanted to compromise and go somewhere else so she could be included.

Why not just such it up though ickle?

Sure you fancy the other place but you're both being as destructive as each other IMHO and she's 11. You're not

Obstructive not destructive. Silly phone.

I don't really get the angst about beige crap childrens menu's. If the pub is serving up crap for the kids, the adult menu may sound more exciting but not likely to be healthier or beter quality. Ive had some dodgy fajitas in my time, at least the kids get a smaller portion of crap They may have even bought in frozen meals aimed at kids that have at least some salt control, who knows what went into that main course blue cheese pasta.

The more gastro home cooking pubs around here fall over themselves to do good children or smaller portion meals. They need to attract the lucrative nice family early evening or lunch meal out. The meals tend to be simpler and smaller with a range of veg.

why's it a big deal? if she's throwing a strop then she should stop being a spoilt madame and deal with it. Or get left at home. It's really not a big deal to just get a small plate of something of the adults menu!

but how old are you op? are you and your dp pretty young?

I wouldn't be sucking anything up for an 11 year old when it comes to a meal and to be frank it very much comes across as the 11 year old being a child who came along a bit later in her parents life and is spoiled.

She's 11. She goes where she's told to go.