To expect an 11 year old to be able to eat off the adults menu

[Icklepickle101]

Me & DP have been invited out to dinner by the in laws, text from MIL said 'you choose where we go, we aren't fussy'.

I text MIL I've booked a table at a local pub type and a copy of the menu. I then get a reply asking if we could go somewhere see as there is no children's menu for SIL age 11.

I could understand if the menu was fairly out there but there are things like a chicken Kiev or pie and mash but apparently these aren't suitable as she won't eat it all anyway.

I suggested she could eat something from the starters menu with a side but apparently this wouldn't be a balanced meal?

AIBU to expect and 11 year old (secondary school age!!!) to be able to choose something from the adults menu and not to want to change where we are going to accommodate her?

I just can't understand why a child at secondary school can't eat sausage and mash or a chicken Kiev and just leave what she can't manage?!

She has no dietary requirements and has eaten off the adults menu when it has been somewhere she has chosen

Have you double checked that there is no childrens menu or small appetite menu options? Sounds unusual for a pub.

Both of mine would have eaten from the main menu at that age but I can understand why some children of that age may prefer a younger menu option. If they have a small appetite a huge plate of rich food could be off putting. Also not good value if all they want is a small drink, small portion followed by a small pud. £7 for all rather than £12 for one half eaten plates.

I can see why a starter and side wouldn't be the best alternative. If they don't think she would like a main course then a small baked brie, chilli jam & dressed mixed leaves with bowl of chips isnt going to appeal. Depends whats on the starter menu but they don't tend to be that balanced.

One of my boys at 11 would eat off the main menu but we had to stipulate, can we have that without the dressing, without the sauce etc He would put up with, some wet food but didn't like it so even pasta dishes were difficult. Totally different several years later, loves a curry or pasta now. Back then he would eat half of the main then would have a pudding. If there was an option the kids deals were better value.

The other boy loves saucy food and meat, he is younger than 11 but would opt of an adult meaty gloopy dish. He prefers to fill up on that in a restaurant knowing he wont have room for a pudding.

Wow, what a nice attitude to have towards an 11 year old child.

Look, this meal doesn't sound like a "treat" at all.

Tell your MIL to forget it and you and your DP go out alone.

Yanbu to expect your choice of eatery, particularly when they have agreed to make smaller portions of the menu.

Yab a little u to be so gravely offended by the drivel of an 11 yr old child though. It wasn't a nice thing for her to say but she's immature...feel free to take no notice of her whatsoever.

The thing that would bug me is the fact that four adults are being dictated to by what an 11 year old girl wants.

I wouldn't be letting it happen.

I agree that letting her get her own way to help her adjust (if that is happening) isn't a good idea.

I don't know, when I was 11 I went where I was taken for meals out& chose something from what was available!

I'd be happy to accommodate vegetarianism or allergies, but an 11y old kid refusing to choose from a normal menu would carry very little weight if I were choosing a venue. That said, the request seems to have come from MiL not her, so maybe she's being infantilised.

So the 11 yo is the SIL?

Wow. You really are very unkind about a child. I suspect MIL has told her she has to come out and she is trying every trick in the book to get out of it. Can't say I blame her, tbh.

Oh dumdedum.
There's always one Every thread relating to food. Every thread.

SuburbanRhonda - the 11 year old is being babied by her parents. Does she have a specially prepared "kid's meal" prepared for her at home, or does she eat the same as her parents? There'll be hamburger or pasta on a pub menu, surely? Or a salad of some kind? Most of which are better than turkey twizzlers or chicken nuggets from the freeszer, surely? Sorry, have not lived in the UK for 25 years so I am probably making completely false assumptions about what's available! But seriously, a kid's menu for an 11 year old - I've heard it all now.

actually 11 yr olds can be nasty. being a child doesn't mean they aren't capable if unpleasant spiteful behaviour.

people often underestimate a child's capabilities.

I suspect the little sil would have whined about wherever you had chosen as she likes to rule the roost. Your in laws would be fools to pander to it, but something tells me they will.

Dear God, I've lived abroad so long that I had forgotten how ridiculous the English are about food. And I will be having foie gras and veal at Christmas and ENJOYING IT!

Spot on Giles.

Dear God, it’s not as if the child’s entire family structure has crumbled. Her adult brother has moved in with his GF and they’re having a baby. Do kids have to be sheltered from this frightful shock?

And why on earth wouldn’t there be something she liked on the adult menu?

Look, this meal doesn't sound like a "treat" at all. Tell your MIL to forget it and you and your DP go out alone.

Agree. More trouble than it's worth.

Lonny - gosh that was a wild assumption that incorporated being horrible to the OP wasn't it? Did you get a little thrill from that?

Sounds to me that sil is playing up as she is no longer the spoilt little sister - I'm guessing her brother was quite a bit older than her?

And the frogs' legs are doubtless raised in better conditions than frigging twizzlers and nuggets, so don't get on your high horses (which I also eat) about that!

I suspect the little sil would have whined about wherever you had chosen as she likes to rule the roost. Your in laws would be fools to pander to it, but something tells me they will.

The MIL already has pandered to it, by acting as message box for the SIL.

Honestly, when I was 11, if I'd tried to pull a stunt like this my mother would have got out the menu and pointed out all the things I normally happily eat. Then we'd have had a longer chat about why I behaving that way.

Either the MIL was being overly optimistic when she told the OP to choose the venue as "we're not fussy" or her DD has her wrapped round her little finger.

Foie gras dumdeedum Not exactly something to brag about eating now, is it?

YY to 11 YOs being nasty and controlling.

I stopped eating out with my sister and her DD at about that age because she was incapable of behaving nicely throughout a meal.

The DD would usually choose where to eat and then whine that there wasn't anything thing she wanted and this was just normal average places like carveries or pizza express that we all liked to eat at. There would usually be tears from at least 2 of us and I followed through with my promise never to eat out with them again.

Yes 11 year olds can be nasty but I doubt many of them have the same motives as adults. She is a child and her thinking is immature. It is for the adults to manage the situation without resorting to making their dislike quite so apparent.