To expect an 11 year old to be able to eat off the adults menu

[Icklepickle101]

Me & DP have been invited out to dinner by the in laws, text from MIL said 'you choose where we go, we aren't fussy'.

I text MIL I've booked a table at a local pub type and a copy of the menu. I then get a reply asking if we could go somewhere see as there is no children's menu for SIL age 11.

I could understand if the menu was fairly out there but there are things like a chicken Kiev or pie and mash but apparently these aren't suitable as she won't eat it all anyway.

I suggested she could eat something from the starters menu with a side but apparently this wouldn't be a balanced meal?

AIBU to expect and 11 year old (secondary school age!!!) to be able to choose something from the adults menu and not to want to change where we are going to accommodate her?

God I hate "kids menu"s.

Never understand why restaurants can't just serve smaller portions when needed. Kids menus are just beige coloured rubbish. I would rather share my adult portion of food or order a full size meal and accept some will get left over.

Your MIL sounds precious.

And I wouldn't listen to that smug arse Jay Rayner.

Your MIL is going to have so many more problems with her DD if she doesn't stop pandering to her every whim like this.

Clearly your SIL is dead jealous over your relationship with her brother, but that doesn't mean anyone should give in to her ridiculous behaviour. And it IS ridiculous, utterly so. Your MIL is mad to allow her to create issues like this.

IF you go ahead and have your meal with DP's family at the pub you've chosen, she's going to ruin it anyway by being a whiny brat. So your instinct to go where she wants, while still "giving in" to her, would at least make the meal tolerable. But this shouldn't be down to you at all - your MIL should have put her foot down from the outset and said "No, Ickle and your brother have chosen this place, this is where we're going and you WILL behave yourself" You should never have been put in this position!

Perhaps they should get a babysitter for her instead and have an adult meal out with just the two of you and them, that would teach her a lesson that she can't always have her own way, and that if she won't "play nicely" then she gets to miss out entirely.

And I agree - being a child doesn't automatically mean that they must be likeable despite their abysmal behaviour - sometimes, they're just not.

As an aside, kids' menus mostly suck, especially if your children are GF - mine mostly just have either a starter off the main menu, or if they're not big eaters, then they share food off mine and DH's plates. I can't be doing with paying out for a crap meal of food that they don't/can't eat, it annoys me too much. BUt that is a very minor aside in this instance - it's not the food per se that's the problem, it's your SIL throwing her weight around and demanding that things are done the way she wants them - and this needs to be stomped on by her own mother.

There was a thread on here recently by a 41yo version of your SIL. She was furious her dbro spent his pregnant wife's birthday with his wife and his sister's birthday with his sister. She felt he should have spent both with the sister and oh, his wife was welcome to tag along. Hopefully your SIL will grow out of this unlike the sister on that thread.

As much as she is still a child some 11 year olds are deliberately nasty. It seems like she is trying to prove a point. YANBU

OP, you mentioned that your in-laws were married when little sister was 8. Does that mean that FIL is her step-father? Does she see your DP as her main father figure? If so that may be one of the reasons she has had such a problem dealing with the new family dynamics. If so, I think this needs to be addressed, maybe by trying to involve her in the decision as a previous poster suggested.

Maybe the mil does not want to pay for an adult meal for her.my almost 11 yo DC would be full up with a child sized portion.
But the main issue is nor the food.it is about a little girl struggling to come to terms with a change in family dynamic.my aforementioned almost-11 yo misses her elder brother who is at uni like crazy and that is with 3 other siblings at home.i think you need to be the adult here

Geez! Op I feel so sorry for you because your dp and in laws all sound like selfish nightmares!

1 dp should be dealing with this not you AND he should not be allowing them to mess you about not dictating your reaction!

2 pil need to bloody well BE PARENTS! Ie not allowing a child to dictate to them or you nor behave badly

3 sil is a spoilt madam who needs TOLD to stop misbehaving! TOLD there are items on the menu that she's eaten before that can be ordered in a smaller portion therefore BEHAVE and don't ruin this event for others.

As many pp have said

1 my parents would NEVER have allowed me to behave like this. At that age barring own birthday I would not even have been involved in the decision making! I'd have been TOLD 'we're going to x on y day' and expected to be grateful for a treat and behave accordingly. If I hadn't I'd have been left at home AND had MY next treat cancelled.

2 my dd would never behave like this because she knows I'd react exactly like my parents in this instance! She was a fussy eater when younger at some points but there was ALWAYS something she would eat and she would never have said anything while out.

I cannot believe anyone is trying to excuse either the MIL or the SIL. The MIL clearly said to the OP that the choice should be hers without any caveats. The OP was considerate enough to send a copy of the menu only to get the response she did.

The SIL actually wants to control the situation by complaining about the restaurant. She is a child. What parent allows their child to control their evenings? Is this the new normal? What sort of lessons about social etiquette is this young girl learning? If I were the MIL I would be scolding the girl and telling her that choice in restaurant has already been made, and that she is welcome to not eat, but that would be her choice as there are plenty of things on the menu she could choose from, but is spitefully ignoring them. The lack of childrens' menu is a non-issue as most restaurants are very happy to do small portions of their normal menu. Anyone who actually thinks that this child is right to dictate the evening and think that the majority of the group (adults) need to cater to her have a very strange outlook on what acceptable manners should be.

Yanbu but some people have fussy kids (half the time its the parents that are making a song snd dance out of nothing).

When i was younger (like 6 or 7) and my parenrs took me out, and knew i wouldnt eat something if it was somewhere a bit more out there i had the option of having a sandwhich or whatever before we went but i got to choose a spectacular pudding to have - safe to say that arangement suited me fine!

No one has said that the MIL has to pay for an adult meal for the SIL. There are a number of options such as a starter or light bite/small portion which are usually priced similar to children's meals anyway.

Mominatrix has got it right that the MIL/SIL seem to be controlling the situation because they think they can.

Being flexible and going along with the flow is part of being a polite grown up and it seems sensible to nip this in the bud with the SIL sooner rather than later to avoid her turning into one of those adults who will only eat crappy food, dictate the choice of restaurants and will never try anything new and are generally a pain in the backside as far as food is concerned because it always has to be about them and no-one else gets to choose where a group eats.

Good thing there's a MIL in this story, isn't there?

It may just be immaturity on the SIL part but it could be due to her personality and environment and she may just end up being a really awkward adult and always a bit of a pain.

SiL sounds a manipulative little thing. It's up to you and your DH to decided whether you allow her to manipulate you.

Wow totalrecall - you're pleasant, aren't you.
The OP has already volunteered to go where will suit the bratty SIL (Pizza Hut) but now MIL is saying no no, the OP and her DP should still choose where they want to go.

But don't you bother reading the whole thread, because otherwise you'd have to re-think your unpleasantness.

Jeez.

Total recall

So because she's immature she gets to behave badly?!

No wonder some kids are being raised to be badly behaved selfish rude entitled adults!

I agree with Bacony. Sure, the MIL is saying 'no no'. Thus putting the OP in an utterly impossible situation. Either she pushes on where she wants (bad guy) or she says Pizza Express (again, Bad Guy because MIL doesn't want her to do that).

Children behave badly. Our job as adults is to correct that behaviour, not indulge it. The problem here is that the MIL isn't doing that, she's shifting the responsility to the OP.

I still think the only way out is to tell your DH to deal with it OP.

Really - I am being unpleasant because I would make allowances for an 11 year old who wants a kids menu?

No, totalrecall, don't be so deliberately fucking obtuse with your ridiculous little confused face. You are being unpleasant for calling the op a bitch.

I didn't say she was a bitch. I said she was being a bitch. That is very different.

I think that I would say back to MIL "No, Pizza Express will do, you have already said no to the place that we want to go"

It would appear Mintyy that you are more immature than the 11 year old