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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed the school showed a video about the Paris attacks?

176 replies

DancingLady · 16/11/2015 20:28

DD is 5, and in assembly today the children were shown a short video about the Paris attacks. Might have been the Newsround one - from what I've read, it sounds similar. I asked her for context (did the HM talk about the attacks before or after the clip?) and she said she didn't know. I'm a bit baffled as to why a school would feel it was their place to show a load of 4, 5 and 6-year-olds (it's a new school with only reception-year 2) this.

We've talked to DD about what happened - she saw we were upset on Saturday and while we didn't have the TV on DH and I discussed it a bit and answered her questions. Tonight at bedtime she was scared and worried.

Would you mention this to the HM or your child's teacher? I don't think it's a school's place to show this to children - not such small ones, anyway.

OP posts:

MrsHathaway · 18/11/2015 18:58

That is, in the context of how many questions he asks, I said "DS1 came home asking about Paris - how did you talk about that?" not "what did you doooooooooooo?!"

Narp · 18/11/2015 19:12

I am trying to find the clip you refer to, OP. Have you seen it?

You mention you were upset on Saturday, and spoke to your daughter. Is it possible that she was upset as result of that?

Goldenbear · 18/11/2015 20:14

I think there is quite a bit of difference even between a 6 year old's understanding and a 4 year old's understanding though- IME they become much more curious and knowledge seeking in those two years. My DD is 4 and doesn't know what day of the week it is, neither does she understand what 'death' is- she lives in the moment like most 4 year olds I know. It is often difficult to even talk about 'past' events as in what she was doing that morning.

Original poster

DancingLady · 18/11/2015 20:21

Going by what the HT said, I think it's the 8th clip down, on this page - with the Sydney Opera House, titled 'Jenny reports on the attacks in Paris'.

www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/34819597

Hope that link works.

Yes, she could have been upset because she saw me upset, but she was fine after we chatted and went to bed that night and Sunday night with no anxieties. Tonight (and past two nights) she's been getting up a lot, asking me to sit with her, asking me what every noise is... Even said 'I feel like my heart isn't beating'. I keep reassuring her that we're safe, we're safe in our house and in London, and I won't let anything happen to her.

Of course, I can't directly blame school for this anxiety, but it may well have contributed.

OP posts:

Narp · 18/11/2015 20:23

Thanks, I'll take a look.

Another thing occurs to me

Was it really windy last night where you were?

It was scary here. That night have added to it

Narp · 18/11/2015 20:26

Dancing

That report has a lot of complex language and no imagery, so I'd be really surprised if that, in itself upset her

vladimpaler · 18/11/2015 20:48

It is called education. It is most important that children develop understanding on what goes on in the world, that is what growing up is all about. School has a massive socialising effect on all children; more than parents as the child gets older and older.

As for one person above who thinks they should be the one to discuss this and not the school - perhaps you should consider home schooling? Picking and choosing what the school teaches really ain't how it works is it?

Original poster

DancingLady · 18/11/2015 21:42

Narp Yes the weather didn't help! The HT said he talked over the politicians talking, but the things my DD took away from it were: over 100 people died. That's a scary thing to try to get your head around.

vlad ODFOD. Have you even read the thread?

OP posts:

Goldenbear · 19/11/2015 07:42

Vladimpaler, 'Education' before 6 is about interaction with things, it is about the child, not about what we want to 'teach' them. They are considered not to have the cognitive ability to understand abstract concepts and do not acquire syllogistic reasoning until about 6. Therefore, 'educating' 3-6 year olds on the 'Paris Attacks' will for the most part cause 'anxiety' as it is beyond their cognitive capabilities to understand.

Mehitabel6 · 19/11/2015 08:16

My son had to deal with death at 2 yrs of age. I was amazed by his reasoning, it followed similar patterns to mine, long before he was 6 yrs.

I am not saying that under 6 yr olds should be told about Paris, just that you can't be sure what they have heard. The whole point was reassurance so that they didn't have anxiety.

In this case the Head quite probably didn't need to say anything if they were year 2 and under and no one had mentioned it. That is not the case in a primary school going up to year 6.

Mehitabel6 · 19/11/2015 08:23

Talking about it on breakfast TV now.

Mehitabel6 · 19/11/2015 08:26

Saying that schools have a role in reassuring when wild exaggeration in the playground. Saying children are like sponges picking things up and in our modern age very difficult to not hear anything.

LittleLionMansMummy · 19/11/2015 08:39

Saw it Mehitabel, they also said be led by your child's questions which is the same for everything imo, including sex education. If they're asking the questions then they're ready to have it explained in age appropriate terms. Ds knows that no questions are off limits and we always do our best to answer honestly but reassuringly. At the moment he seems to need reassurance that most people don't die until they are old (this line of interest pre-dates the Paris attacks). He keeps asking if dh and I are 'old'. On Saturday we had the news on but it was when they were interviewing people who weren't directly involved and we turned it off when they started showing pictures. I have no doubt that some of the information he's been surrounded by for the past week (including our conversations) will have struck a chord somewhere in his mind but for now he's untroubled by it. At some point he will most likely surprise us by asking something related to it and we will respond. But I wouldn't just strike up a conversation with him about it.

LovelyFriend · 19/11/2015 08:39

I shielded my 4 and 8 yo from it. I think they don't really need to know about all this Crap yet.

I never watch or listen to the news in front of them either.

Dd1 has just turned 8 so I think she can be exposed to a little more but really they don't need to know about Isis, sex offenders and people who kill and dismember young women. They just don't.

When topics come up I deal with them fairly straightforwardly but my priority is to preserve their innocent bubble of childhood for as long as possible.

Mehitabel6 · 19/11/2015 08:48

But teachers are the first in line and they should answer questions too. You are assuming that all homes are like yours where you answer all questions honestly.
My understanding was that children are like sponges - there will be wild exaggeration in the playground that staff need to reassure about and then when the child gets home the parents can answer any further questions and add reassurance.
The programme was realistic about playgrounds and also a bit sceptical that you can have a complete news blackout.

Mehitabel6 · 19/11/2015 08:51

A 4 yr old probably won't hear about it in the playground. Having taught juniors for 40 yrs I can tell you that the 8 yr old will. (Whether they tell you is another matter- especially if your body language doesn't encourage things you don't want to know).

LittleLionMansMummy · 19/11/2015 09:30

Yes Mehit and I haven't said that schools shouldn't answer questions. Of course where there is However I do think that 4/5 is young

LittleLionMansMummy · 19/11/2015 09:34

Sorry posted too soon! I think the key for me would be understanding how the school is explaining it in a reassuring way, which is why I said earlier I'd want to know which video they were showing. I have no problem with schools playing their part and by all means answer questions if there is a demand. But at such a young age as the op describes I do think the parents should have more control over what their dc are told and how/ in what circumstances. Had my ds been sat down for an assembly focusing on a video about the attacks he'd probably be

LetGoOrBeDragged · 19/11/2015 09:37

I see Matthew Wright has picked this topic for his show today

Bambambini · 19/11/2015 09:39

Yip, Dancinglady is on telly!

Mehitabel6 · 19/11/2015 10:10

I can't keep going around in circles saying that not all 4/5 yr olds are in news blackout homes. 4/5 may be too young but 8yrs isn't.

All I know is that after 9/11 I had a class of mainly 7 yr old (straight up from infants and so not many had turned 8yrs) . Some were very distressed and it had to be talked about. The Head decided we would do it in classes. Once I started the floodgates opened with questions- all the children who appeared unaware and hadn't said a thing had questions. You could almost feel the relief that it was being talked about. That, to me, is much healthier than keeping quiet- sweeping it under the carpet and assuming that your child knows nothing because they haven't mentioned it to you.

I didn't ask what they did lower down, but if all year 3 knew then you can bet that a good proportion of year 2 did too.

Mehitabel6 · 19/11/2015 10:13

And what do you do if a 4/5 yr old asks a question when sitting on the carpet with the class- say 'shhh dear, I will speak to you later'?

VicWillia · 19/11/2015 11:54

I kind of see it both ways. My ds is 5. To my knowledge, he does not know about the Paris attacks. I have not discussed it with him. I don't think he would understand why people would just randomly start killing other people and I think it would scare him. He's very sensitive.

Having said that I wouldn't complain if the school had showed him, because it is a scary world these days and it doesn't hurt to be aware. Its just a shame nowadays that the world IS so scary and our children have to grow up in this. I just want to protect ds from terrible things like that. His greatest worry currently is how Santa is going to get into our house to drop off presents as we don't have a chimney. I want it to stay that way for as long as possible.

LittleLionMansMummy · 19/11/2015 13:09

You seem to be having an argument about something we essentially agree on Mehitabel. I am referencing my almost 5yo reception aged boy because that is currently the only experience I have within my sphere of knowledge. You are talking about 7/8 year olds who will have a more mature interest and understanding of these things. All I have said is that parents (and teachers) respond in a responsive and age appropriate way, using their own judgement and knowledge of the child. I honestly would query what video had been shown and how the reassurance message was relayed, as I would query other aspects of my child's social, emotional and educational welfare.

Original poster

DancingLady · 19/11/2015 13:20

Mehitabel I don't know why you keep bringing up older kids. In this specific case, all the children in the primary are 4-6 years old. No one above age 6. So yes, by all means tell an 8-yo about the Paris attacks, but for most of the kids at my DD's school I doubt it was even on their radar. And of course if they ask a teacher about it, the teacher should give an honest response.

I'm not talking about primary-aged kids in general, but my DD's school in particular. A school with no kids above year 2, as it's only been open 3 years.

OP posts:

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