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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed the school showed a video about the Paris attacks?

176 replies

DancingLady · 16/11/2015 20:28

DD is 5, and in assembly today the children were shown a short video about the Paris attacks. Might have been the Newsround one - from what I've read, it sounds similar. I asked her for context (did the HM talk about the attacks before or after the clip?) and she said she didn't know. I'm a bit baffled as to why a school would feel it was their place to show a load of 4, 5 and 6-year-olds (it's a new school with only reception-year 2) this.

We've talked to DD about what happened - she saw we were upset on Saturday and while we didn't have the TV on DH and I discussed it a bit and answered her questions. Tonight at bedtime she was scared and worried.

Would you mention this to the HM or your child's teacher? I don't think it's a school's place to show this to children - not such small ones, anyway.

OP posts:
Whoknewitcouldbeso · 16/11/2015 21:44

I wouldn't be happy either. My god if you can't be free of worry as a kid then when the hell can you? We have such terrible burdens as adults I shall be shielding my son from the horrors from real life as long as possible.

Bubbletree4 · 16/11/2015 21:45

Agree that 4-5yos don't need to know unless they are mixing with French dc, in which case they should be told carefully.

I think news round was probably careful but I was unaware the program was aimed at such young kids.

Anyway I don't think you should say anything. I think probably you should make sure your dc is ok and move on to something distracting for them.

RiverTam · 16/11/2015 21:47

I would be pissed off. We had to deal with being at FIL's and him watching the news (not Newsround) at full blast, graphic images and all, and banging in about the MASSACRE and how many PEOPLE DIED. You've got a laptop, watch the fucking news on that in your study.

I don't buy that a 5 year old needs to know about this.

SurlyCue · 16/11/2015 21:52

I dont think they need to know at that age. I grew up in NI in the 80s and 90s and was pretty terrified there was a bomb under every car or that someone might kneecap my dad on our way to school. Despite my parents assurances i still thought about it every time i heard something on the news. Kids dont need that. They do worry. Even if they say theyre not.

MidniteScribbler · 16/11/2015 21:52

I'm not in the UK, so I don't know what Newsround it, but it sounds a bit like Behind the News which we use. Today's episode is about the Paris attacks in a primary school appropriate way (I've already viewed it before today's lesson). As others have said, children talk, and one student's misunderstood comments can cause panic. Better to have it explained to them in an age appropriate way by people they trust.

lushaliciousbob · 16/11/2015 21:53

I really wouldn't be speaking to the school about this. You are saying you want to make sure it was an age appropriate video. It will have been. They are a school, they won't have shown an adult news report. Please stop being so naive..Yes children need to be children but they also need to know about things that happen in the world so you can train them about the dangers etc...

BrendaandEddie · 16/11/2015 21:53

lmgtfy.com/?q=what+is+newsround

OneofTHOSEWomen · 16/11/2015 21:54

newsround for a 5yo? I would be pissed off if this was my DC school. 5 is too young to understand any of this, the context, the bigger picture. All of which are relevant to making sense of what's just happend. My 5yo DDis scared of the gruffalo, fuck knows how she would react to being told about this. YANBU OP.

museumum · 16/11/2015 21:57

I think newsround is provably by far the best treatment of it to use and far far better than playground rumours from kids with older siblings. I would be glad my child's school had tried to control the playground chat with actual facts designed for the correct age group.

hefzi · 16/11/2015 21:59

This is an interesting question: my earliest memory of the news was Newsround in 1978, covering Operation Litani - I was 4 wonder if that's why I went in the direction I did I don't recall being upset or frightened - it was just a war somewhere else, with people dying: but I was already comfortable with the idea of death by that age, growing up in the countryside etc

I don't think kids do need shielding from real life events: kids in the playground will be talking about it, they'll see bits and pieces and pick up more (little pitchers have big ears) and imo it's more harmful to have the rumours than the facts. I wouldn't teach a 4 or 5 year old about the Holocaust - because that's historical and they don't need to know about it yet - but bad stuff happening in the news, in an age-appropriate, Newsround type of way? No worries.

And as for the bigger picture - it's woefully clear from some of the posts on Pairs on AIBU (not this one) that lots of MN who consider themselves intelligent and educated aren't aware of the wider context or the bigger picture: so I don't think a 5 year old needs to be. I was 5 when Mountbatten was assassinated - and I remember the killing of Airey Neave - that was bad men killing important people because they wanted to have a country separate from ours. I was very little - I didn't need to know about the IRA and what they stood for: it was enough that they weren't going to come after my daddy because he didn't work for the government.

thickgit · 16/11/2015 22:03

5 year olds? Are you kidding? No, just no, way. My five year old does not need to know about the horrific realities of life, yet. He likes to colour, play lego, play trains. Absolutely no need to know about things that he would not be able to understand. What would I say. . . "Some people are really sick and they go into places where people are dancing or eating and they shoot them dead." Then how am I supposed to make him feel safe?? Not getting this at all. I don't want him to know that people kill each other, full stop. It has to come, when he is older and more capable of getting things into perspective and understanding probabilities. Age 5? No way.

Original poster
DancingLady · 16/11/2015 22:03

pranmas maybe that was what happened at DD's school - Newsround footage to explain why they had a minute's silence, if they did. (DD very vague...)

I'll ask teacher about it.

OP posts:
OneofTHOSEWomen · 16/11/2015 22:04

they also need to know about things that happen in the world when they are old enough to understand yes. Do you tell your kids about all the suicide bombs, all the wars, all the god awful things that happen in the world? Where do you draw the line?

Original poster
DancingLady · 16/11/2015 22:10

She was worried about it tonight at bedtime, wanted lights on, door open etc. Asked if we were safe. She gets quite anxious anyway so I don't want to add to that. We talk about 'bad people' (she once asked who the worst person ever was... Cue a short chat about Hitler and Stalin, but pointing out that they're dead now...).

I think I'd understand if this were a primary with older kids, but all the children in this school are 4-6, and I don't think that's the target audience of Newsround - more 8-y-o?

OP posts:
Original poster
DancingLady · 16/11/2015 22:12

Oneof exactly. And I totally get that that's a luxury to have - children in Palestine, Syria etc aren't shielded from these horrors. But exposing my DD to them doesn't help them, or anyone.

If she were a few years older then sure, we'd look at the news online, read the paper, discuss it - but I worry that all she learns from it at this age is to be scared, and that bad people are everywhere killing innocent people.

OP posts:
WidowWadman · 16/11/2015 22:16

My children like dancing and playing and colouring and LEGO and all that stuff.. A conversation about really bad people having done something terrible doesn't change that.
I reassured my daughter by telling her that loads of people are working on trying to keep us safe, that lots of people helped those that were hurt.
The topic of war was still fresh in her mind because of remembrance day (and weirdly noone ever objects to preschoolers making poppy pictures), and she talked about the gun powder plot looking to make sense of the terrorism aspect (which I found quite impressive for a 6 year old). She knows she can ask us anything and we'll try answering questions without fobbing her off because she's too young.

Original poster
DancingLady · 16/11/2015 22:18

LaLyra upthread - I don't know if it was a planned assembly, they're all really young so I doubt there were rumours flying around the playground which needed clearing up.

OP posts:
Original poster
DancingLady · 16/11/2015 22:20

Widow I think Remembrance Day is very different as it's all in the past, so there's a safe distance. The Paris attacks happened now, in a city like London (where we live) and feel very close to home.

OP posts:
Sadmother · 16/11/2015 22:20

OP, I totally agree that it is better coming from you. That is why I did not shield my children from anything, but told them myself because I did not want them to hear about things in the playground. Trying to shield your children can make them even more scared when they pick up snippets of information from different sources.
I think the school did the right thing, they presented facts in an age appropriate manner, which is far better than playground gossip or a fear filled imagination running wild from half truths.

sky1010 · 16/11/2015 22:21

We were told to do a circle time about it. My pupils are 5. We watched the Newsround clip as advised by the HT and I followed it up with something like....

"Very far away, there is a place where bad guys are trying to make sure everyone follows their rules. Their rules aren't very fair, and France has been at war with them so the people don't have to follow their rules. The bad guys got angry and they attacked France, and sadly lots of people got hurt and some even died. So we have been lighting candles and remembering them. We don't need to worry though, our police and the army are working very hard to make sure we are safe here in England so there is nothing to be scared of' etc.

Our little ones share a playground with older ones who have seen it on the news and seem obsessed with it- so it was important for us to get in before breaktime and reassure them that they are safe before they saw any games or heard any gossip.

I cannot imagine any teacher seeing this as an opportunity for a lecture on western foreign policy or the geopolitics of the Middle East- but reassurance. Yours may have been sheltered, but others may have seen the news with no explanation and could be very scared Sad

steppemum · 16/11/2015 22:23

I think that an awful lot of children of all ages will have seen this. The reason is that families have morning tv etc on in the background all the time. It was all over the tv all day sat, sun, mon etc.

So lots of kids will come into school having seen it, and with their garbled version of what it is, and as pp said, possibly scaring all the others in the playground.

When an even is so universal that it is on every tv programme and every radio news bulletin, then schools often choose to address it in order to make sure that the kids ave had a safe child appropriate version, not the garbled playground version.

I would not have wanted my kids to see it age 5, and we did not have the TV on in the background, and they did not see adult tv news etc at that age.
But we send our kids into school, where they will encounter the rest of the world. That may mean they hear swear words they wouldn't hear at home, or it may be they see/hear about news we haven't shown them at home. The school has a role in balancing all that.

niminypiminy · 16/11/2015 22:24

I'm assuming British 5 year olds are no different to French 5 year olds who will know about the events in Paris - or indeed Syrian 5 year olds who have been living in the midst of a civil war for their entire lives.

steppemum · 16/11/2015 22:25

when an event is so universal

sorry for typos

Ubik1 · 16/11/2015 22:28

Our primary school
Has a significant number of Muslim children attending. Also a few French children.
Teachers talked to the older children about the Paris attacks - it was under discussion everywhere. Perhaps they were trying to head off any difficulties in the playground

Mehitabel6 · 16/11/2015 22:29

I think that a lot of you are very naive if you think that news like that doesn't go around school - even for 5 yr olds. What you hear around the playground can be very frightening so it is a good job for the school to talk about it in an age appropriate way. I agree with steppemum - it is a balancing act.
Just because you sheild them from it doesn't mean that they won't hear about it from other children.

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