To resent MIL for ruining a big family event? (sorry, long post)

[MGMidget]

I am wrestling with my feelings about this. It was my baby daughter's christening yesterday which we also rolled in with a celebration of my birthday since it was a ‘big’ birthday (i.e. turning a decade). It was one of those rare opportunities to get family members together in one place for a joyous occasion. It was also meant to be an opportunity to show my appreciation for the Godparents who are making an important commitment to ‘be there’ for my daughter in the future for which I am very grateful.

I organized the event singlehandedly, battling tiredness to do a lot of it late at night as it’s the only time I could find (I have an older DS too, my DH works long hours so wasn’t in a position to help, and my daughter still wakes up every 2-3 hours in the night).

Everything was going really well and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves at the post-christening buffet lunch in our house. DS even surprised me by opening a bottle of our old wedding champagne – I had no idea we still had any! For a couple of minutes I had one of those dreamy moments where I was thinking I wanted to remember this moment forever!

Then, everything changed. Someone asked me to call an ambulance. My mother-in-law was carried out of the room. Another room was cleared of children and turned into a hospital zone. One of the Godparents is a doctor and my sister-in-law is a nurse so they took over, focusing on reviving her. The doctor send her husband home to get her medical equipment to do some tests. Meanwhile my MIL came round. It seems she had fainted but was fortunately caught before she hit the floor. We were getting more hopeful that this wasn’t too serious. Then she started to vomit, covering herself, the living room and SIL in vomit. And so, it went on, various people running around fetching buckets of water, clean clothes, more calls to emergency services to ascertain if an ambulance should come or not.

Needless to say the atmosphere was ruined and the focus was now on my MIL and what was wrong. People were offering to go home early to get out of the way and leave us to it. Then, more information started to filter out. It seems she wasn’t taking some medicine she had been prescribed by the doctor. The medicine was supposed to calm an inflamed stomach, which it seemed she had developed the week before, and was also supposed to prevent vomiting which would be a symptom of her inflamed stomach condition (it was not food poisoning or a stomach bug). It also seems she had repeatedly insisted on closing a patio door that had been opened to let in fresh air when the room was getting hot and stuffy with all the people standing around, oven heating food etc. Then she had said she ‘needed some air’ and passed out! Knowing all this, now, I can’t help feeling that my MIL brought this on herself and ruined a lovely family event. At the same time I feel guilty for thinking this because she obviously didn’t fall ill intentionally and we were very worried at first.

She’s OK now, just needed a few hours to recover, but that was basically the rest of the event and some time afterwards when we should have been clearing up. DH drove her home afterwards and I’m still clearing up the last of the vomit today (she vomited in more than one part of the house!).

So, having taken stock, I know it wasn’t serious and could have been avoided by simply behaving sensibly and taking prescribed medicine. Am I being unreasonable for resenting her for ruining this event?

Well we cannot be all as reasonable as the OP I guess I hope

I love when people try to undermine other people's opinions with glib comments.

In all my years on Mumsnet this is actually the first time I have suspected troll and not been right. Apologies for that OP. But I am literally aghast that this level of lack of perspective can be held by a person.

I understand OP. I really do. My DM is the sort who will never do the sensible thing - I don't know why as it is not attention seeking - and the consequences affect everyone.

She will go out on the ice in stupid shoes and then I take her to hospital with the broken arm. She will not take her medication and then gets admitted to hospital - and I have to take time off work. She will get her bag stolen - and never see that she has some responsibility for it but it ruins everyone's day. She will not be told. (She has dementia now but has always been like that).

I understand that the day turned sour but remember the good bits. YANBU to feel it - but probably better to keep it to yourself.

OP, I'm a pretty nice, laid-back person, but yeah, I'd have been annoyed too. I think you came on here for a wee rant so that none of your annoyance would show when you next saw your MIL. My sister's illness almost derailed my wedding, and while I admitted it to no-one, I was a bit...uhhhh...about it. If I'd been on MN at the time, I might have come on for a tiny whine. I'm glad I didn't, given how unsympathetic the posts have been!

Happy birthday, congrats on your baby, and to cover up the smell of the vomit.

Seriously, years down the line this will be a funny story you tell. (Bit like when my birthday meal out with extended family, for a decade turning over, was interrupted by a gentleman at the next table over collapsing. Thankfully still breathing, but needed to get the paramedics out as he really wasn't perking up. Think the most useful thing I did was get the furniture moved round so we'd actually be able to get him out of the room. Well that, and stopping some eejit trying to prop him up, when his body clearly wanted to be horizontal thanks. Shame pudding went cold, but we did get tea/coffee in the private room behind the bar afterwards. And most importantly, the elderly chap in question made it safely back out of hospital the next day. Apparently it was a rather bigger significant birthday for him, so rather a shame it got spoilt for him. Hang on, I mean "selfish bastard")

Have a good old rant on here. Then ring up your mil and say you're worried about her, and ask if she's feeling better.

Yes my parents are a bit like that Bluejug.

I bitterly remember Dcousins wedding. DS was a toddler at the time so due to the wedding timings and to keep him quiet I had brought along a snack for him. Minutes before the wedding DF - who was diagnosed as diabetic about a year earlier - announced that he needed a sugary snack now so we had to give him DS's. Cue fidgety hungry DS for most of the service with me trying to keep him quiet. Oh and got a few dirty looks from DF for not having my son under better control , but still at least his blood sugars were fine so all was dandy.

I still don't understand why either he or DM hadn't had the foresight to put in a biscuit or something for DF - it's not like they didn't know he wouldn't need it.

I expect I'll be the same when I'm older.

If I were you I'd get this thread deleted, give your head a wobble and keep the annoyed emotions deeply buried inside. They won't help anybody.

OP You have done the right thing. Post on here and vent. I'll bet your MIL is one of life's special snowflakes.

Hello, the party wasn't about me. It was primarily a christening but as it fell at the same time as my birthday it inevitably became a celebration of that too. I didn't chose that, others did. We chose the date of the christening to fit in with the Godparents not my birthday!

Sorry I don't believe this. You could have just said 'I don't wish to celebrate my birthday' to your dh and/or family that wanted to treat it as your birthday.

The christening wasn't ruined, it has already happened your party was interrupted, because you mil was ill.

Yabu and I suspect you have a habit of imaging everything in a 'picture perfect' and 'dreamy'. Does a lot of things not live up to your expectations?

You have my sympathy, MG. I am emetophobic (so I tend to feel irrationally angry when anyone vomits anyway) and if I found they had deliberately decided not to take medication to prevent it I would be unable to avoid feeling some resentment at their carelessness. Especially if they had form for not looking after themselves because people who refuse to take responsibility for their illnesses when it might impact others annoy me anyway. How many people in this thread have mentioned ambulance calls to people who could have avoided them if they had just applied a small amount of common sense. The ambulance services are already overworked.

Related to my emetophobia, I also hate people closing doors and refusing to let in fresh air as in my (admittedly less than wholly rational) mind, it increases the chances of people passing out, thus increasing the chance of vomiting. So I would be angry about that too.

You can't help irrational feelings of anger. You can, however choose not to show them and from the sound of it, you behaved nicely towards your MIL, wherever your head was going. It sounds like a lovely event ended in a most unpleasant way, so there would inevitably be negative feelings.

Anyway, I hope you get some good sleep and can try to remember the good bits of the day. Also that you manage to spend some quality time with your father. Best of luck.

Hang on; your friend sent her dh home to get equipment to run medical tests on an unconscious woman in the middle of your sitting room floor???

I am not a Christian and I feel put out by your me-me-me- and my-precious-baby-ness of the christening. Poor MIL.

Your poor mil. Hope shes ok now. This will be a story that you will appreciate later on and maybe have a lAugh with your mil about it. You can certainly gently and nicely tease her about her amazing timing! Its certainly a christening people arent going to forget. Just part of being part a family. It can take time for people to get used to medication. One week i had one patient hypo on me and one fit on me due to new medication.

It does sound like something worthy of Walter Mitty himself, Walter, doesn't it?
Reenacting a scene from MASH instead of calling an ambulance like any sane person would; doctor or not...

Sympathy from me OP. Having had decades of this kind of thing from a relative (very deliberate though).

I think you are tired, disappointed and just wanted a rant.

Hope you and your MIL feel better soon.

Flogging

I feel for the OP and don't blame her for feeling annoyed.

I am questioning whether the MIL should have admitted to being ill and not attended .......

I completely get the OPS remark about the elderly MIL sometimes seeming like another child - that is exactly what elderly people do become like and it is bloody hard work looking after them and actual children at the same time. The idea of fluffy kind granny sitting peacefullyl in the corner is the stuff of storybooks and John Lewis adverts.

Poor MIL

Don't want to re-ignite an argument, as everyone seems to be happy now, but yours is not a name I have seen before anothernumberone, and therefore you were not one of the people I was referring to.

YABVVU OP. If you'd been sorrier for your poor MIL, I would have felt sympathetic, but obviously nobody can feel sorrier for you than you feel for yourself.

Did you have a complete empathy bypass? Your poor MIL must've felt both scared and mortified.

I too think you must be the DIL from hell.

Pahahaha! You 'battled tiredness' to single handedly organise a party? Well done you.

Have you considered for a moment that your MILs medication might cause side effects that she feared would prevent her coming to the party, and was trying to prevent those? My DM's meds have to be carefully balanced with anti-sickness and anti-diarrhoea drugs if she's to have a chance of getting out of the house. She stopped her whole regime for a week so she could attend DB's wedding.

You sound self centred.