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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To resent MIL for ruining a big family event? (sorry, long post)

172 replies

MGMidget · 16/11/2015 12:03

I am wrestling with my feelings about this. It was my baby daughter's christening yesterday which we also rolled in with a celebration of my birthday since it was a ‘big’ birthday (i.e. turning a decade). It was one of those rare opportunities to get family members together in one place for a joyous occasion. It was also meant to be an opportunity to show my appreciation for the Godparents who are making an important commitment to ‘be there’ for my daughter in the future for which I am very grateful.

I organized the event singlehandedly, battling tiredness to do a lot of it late at night as it’s the only time I could find (I have an older DS too, my DH works long hours so wasn’t in a position to help, and my daughter still wakes up every 2-3 hours in the night).

Everything was going really well and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves at the post-christening buffet lunch in our house. DS even surprised me by opening a bottle of our old wedding champagne – I had no idea we still had any! For a couple of minutes I had one of those dreamy moments where I was thinking I wanted to remember this moment forever!

Then, everything changed. Someone asked me to call an ambulance. My mother-in-law was carried out of the room. Another room was cleared of children and turned into a hospital zone. One of the Godparents is a doctor and my sister-in-law is a nurse so they took over, focusing on reviving her. The doctor send her husband home to get her medical equipment to do some tests. Meanwhile my MIL came round. It seems she had fainted but was fortunately caught before she hit the floor. We were getting more hopeful that this wasn’t too serious. Then she started to vomit, covering herself, the living room and SIL in vomit. And so, it went on, various people running around fetching buckets of water, clean clothes, more calls to emergency services to ascertain if an ambulance should come or not.

Needless to say the atmosphere was ruined and the focus was now on my MIL and what was wrong. People were offering to go home early to get out of the way and leave us to it. Then, more information started to filter out. It seems she wasn’t taking some medicine she had been prescribed by the doctor. The medicine was supposed to calm an inflamed stomach, which it seemed she had developed the week before, and was also supposed to prevent vomiting which would be a symptom of her inflamed stomach condition (it was not food poisoning or a stomach bug). It also seems she had repeatedly insisted on closing a patio door that had been opened to let in fresh air when the room was getting hot and stuffy with all the people standing around, oven heating food etc. Then she had said she ‘needed some air’ and passed out! Knowing all this, now, I can’t help feeling that my MIL brought this on herself and ruined a lovely family event. At the same time I feel guilty for thinking this because she obviously didn’t fall ill intentionally and we were very worried at first.

She’s OK now, just needed a few hours to recover, but that was basically the rest of the event and some time afterwards when we should have been clearing up. DH drove her home afterwards and I’m still clearing up the last of the vomit today (she vomited in more than one part of the house!).

So, having taken stock, I know it wasn’t serious and could have been avoided by simply behaving sensibly and taking prescribed medicine. Am I being unreasonable for resenting her for ruining this event?

OP posts:
SiegeofEnnis · 16/11/2015 13:32

I was at a wedding where the grandmother of the bride collapsed in church during the vows, and was taken to hospital in an ambulance with the shocked bride and groom and their families following her to A and E in the wedding cars. It turned out she was a diabetic who was regularly careless about food/insulin, but what were they supposed to do, ignore the collapse because she brought it on herself?

The reception kind of went ahead, and the wedding party, or some of it, turned up later on, but in fact the bride and groom hadnt actually t been married, because they hadn't yet taken their vows/signed the register etc when they all ran off to hospital with granny! I believe they had to go back with witnesses another day...

Apparently she is still hale and hearty (and still cavalier with her meds.)

Leelu6 · 16/11/2015 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CoralieConfused · 16/11/2015 13:35

Leelu6 Just reported your utterly awful comment. That's absolutely shocking.

LilyDaisyPoppyRose · 16/11/2015 13:36

I too have reported leelu6

Willynutsax · 16/11/2015 13:37

DH drove her home afterwards and I’m still clearing up the last of the vomit today (she vomited in more than one part of the house!).

You left vomit un-cleared up over night. Disgusting.

WizardOfToss · 16/11/2015 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoralieConfused · 16/11/2015 13:39

And to follow it up with, 'What gives you the right to be so nasty to OP?' as well.

SERIOUSLY??

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 16/11/2015 13:40

I've reported leelu6 too..... very nasty comment.

OP, in years to come (when you've got the vom smell out of the carpets) this will become one of 'those funny stories' like when FIL stood on my veil at the wedding and I ended up flat on my arse Grin

arethereanyleftatall · 16/11/2015 13:41

If that is seriously your thoughts on this situation, you need help.
I can't imagine the level of self absorption required to worry whether a party is ruined over a family member needing an ambulance. That is beyond bonkers.

ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate · 16/11/2015 13:44

Is she generally attention seeking?

I know someone whose DB uses his medication/not taking it to emotionally and financially blackmail his family. He has actually ended up in hospital just to get more money from his family Hmm

HairyLittleCarrot · 16/11/2015 13:47

OP could you clarify what you think was going through your MILs mind?
You think she thought, "Aha, today is the day I intend to refuse my medicine, in order to feel ill, faint and vomit copiously in public. And in doing so I shall successfully ruin my grandchild's Christening. Mwaahhaahhaa. Excellent plan"

I think you are suggesting that she should have taken her medicine not for her own sake, but for yours.
No, I see, that's perfectly reasonable.

Pepperpot99 · 16/11/2015 13:47

Yes you are being completely unreasonable and self centred. Unless you think she deliberately planned it then you will just have to accept she was ill.

Lots of people are not great at taking their meds.

The most important person in the mix was your baby daughter, as the child being christened. Did she whine about the vomit? did she moan about the ruination of her big day? no, she didn't. And neither should you. Stop complaining and try to be a bit more Christian.

BarbarianMum · 16/11/2015 13:53

What the OP is describing is acute gastritis, which can be very nasty. As it was acute (a new infection), the poor woman would have had no idea what could happen - being told you could be sick is quite different than being told you could be overtaken by a bout of uncontrollable vomiting.

Glad to see you got your dd christened OP. Always nice to hear of people who put Christian values such as love and kindness towards others into practice.

CactusAnnie · 16/11/2015 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoralieConfused · 16/11/2015 13:57

How can you fabricate vomiting everywhere?

BarbarianMum · 16/11/2015 13:57

But she wasn't faking, was she? She was indisputably ill . Or do you think she infected her own stomach lining to ruin the OP's big day?

Leelu6 · 16/11/2015 13:59

Apologies, my post was OOO.

But so was NotSayingImBatman post.

A bereavement does not give license to be nasty.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 16/11/2015 14:01

Nah Leelu, if you're going to apologise for your disgusting post then do it without trying to justify it. You were bang out of order.

CactusAnnie · 16/11/2015 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoralieConfused · 16/11/2015 14:04

Hmm Leelu6 Riiiight. What a fab apology that was.

Leelu6 · 16/11/2015 14:15

So you think their post was fine?

CoralieConfused · 16/11/2015 14:18

Yeah, I think it was alright, circumstances considered. I think you saying your vile little piece, then whining on about 'not being nasty' afterwards was ridiculous, and loses you any sort of moral high ground.

Leelu6 · 16/11/2015 14:20

Then we disagree.

I have apologised, Coralie. Not looking for moral high ground.

LucilleBluth · 16/11/2015 14:21

How can anyone in any way say the op is even slightly reasonable......she is so fucking far from reasonable that's it's impossible to see reason.

Loving the posters who say 'does she have form' form for getting ill at parties wtf.....it's no ones business why the mil didn't take the pills.....who even knows if this is related to the stomach upset.

Fuck.....ing......hell.

NotSayingImBatman · 16/11/2015 14:22

Yep, you're right Leelu, I should sympathise with the OP, shouldn't I? At least my MIL had the decency to die in bed and not make some kind of huge fuss out of it, right?

Fortunately, I didn't see what you posted, so you can take your apology and shove it right up your arse.

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