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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To resent MIL for ruining a big family event? (sorry, long post)

172 replies

MGMidget · 16/11/2015 12:03

I am wrestling with my feelings about this. It was my baby daughter's christening yesterday which we also rolled in with a celebration of my birthday since it was a ‘big’ birthday (i.e. turning a decade). It was one of those rare opportunities to get family members together in one place for a joyous occasion. It was also meant to be an opportunity to show my appreciation for the Godparents who are making an important commitment to ‘be there’ for my daughter in the future for which I am very grateful.

I organized the event singlehandedly, battling tiredness to do a lot of it late at night as it’s the only time I could find (I have an older DS too, my DH works long hours so wasn’t in a position to help, and my daughter still wakes up every 2-3 hours in the night).

Everything was going really well and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves at the post-christening buffet lunch in our house. DS even surprised me by opening a bottle of our old wedding champagne – I had no idea we still had any! For a couple of minutes I had one of those dreamy moments where I was thinking I wanted to remember this moment forever!

Then, everything changed. Someone asked me to call an ambulance. My mother-in-law was carried out of the room. Another room was cleared of children and turned into a hospital zone. One of the Godparents is a doctor and my sister-in-law is a nurse so they took over, focusing on reviving her. The doctor send her husband home to get her medical equipment to do some tests. Meanwhile my MIL came round. It seems she had fainted but was fortunately caught before she hit the floor. We were getting more hopeful that this wasn’t too serious. Then she started to vomit, covering herself, the living room and SIL in vomit. And so, it went on, various people running around fetching buckets of water, clean clothes, more calls to emergency services to ascertain if an ambulance should come or not.

Needless to say the atmosphere was ruined and the focus was now on my MIL and what was wrong. People were offering to go home early to get out of the way and leave us to it. Then, more information started to filter out. It seems she wasn’t taking some medicine she had been prescribed by the doctor. The medicine was supposed to calm an inflamed stomach, which it seemed she had developed the week before, and was also supposed to prevent vomiting which would be a symptom of her inflamed stomach condition (it was not food poisoning or a stomach bug). It also seems she had repeatedly insisted on closing a patio door that had been opened to let in fresh air when the room was getting hot and stuffy with all the people standing around, oven heating food etc. Then she had said she ‘needed some air’ and passed out! Knowing all this, now, I can’t help feeling that my MIL brought this on herself and ruined a lovely family event. At the same time I feel guilty for thinking this because she obviously didn’t fall ill intentionally and we were very worried at first.

She’s OK now, just needed a few hours to recover, but that was basically the rest of the event and some time afterwards when we should have been clearing up. DH drove her home afterwards and I’m still clearing up the last of the vomit today (she vomited in more than one part of the house!).

So, having taken stock, I know it wasn’t serious and could have been avoided by simply behaving sensibly and taking prescribed medicine. Am I being unreasonable for resenting her for ruining this event?

OP posts:
laffymeal · 16/11/2015 15:44

Lol at "the party wasn't about me", I suspect everything is about you op.

MGMidget · 16/11/2015 15:46

I hate my own birthday celebrations Whatthefreakinwhatnow as they only emphasise how old I am which I would rather forget. I would much rather that the date hadn't coincided and I certainly didn't flag it up as a birthday celebration to anyone. My DH and other family members did treat it as such though which would be hard to avoid unless I had organised a separate celebration for my birthday.

OP posts:
laffymeal · 16/11/2015 15:50

Ha ha you're pretty determined not to "get it" op, I'll give you that. Once again your poor mil, I sincerely hope you get a better dil than you.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 16/11/2015 15:53

Then why complain? The christening wasn't interrupted. Surely that was the important part? I remember my Gran taking ill on Christmas when I was little. She forgot to take medication, an ambulance was called and she was taken to hospital. I didn't get angry at Christmas being ruined, I was worried about my Gran. Surely as an adult your attitude is completely wrong?

Floggingmolly · 16/11/2015 15:53

which we also rolled in with a celebration of my birthday since it was a "big" birthday

That does not sound like the event becoming your party happened spontaneously without your knowledge, op. Come off it.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/11/2015 15:53

I don't blame you for feeling annoyed as she could have prevented it, but I bet she did not know what would happen as a result and when. Mabey gave another little celebration for your birthday, make sure MIL takes her meddling this time.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/11/2015 15:55

Meds i meant. Yes the main thing is MIL is ok.

derxa · 16/11/2015 15:57

Usually I would say YABU. However I remember (my DH told me) that my MIL spent our wedding reception vomiting in the loos because she was so upset at the wedding. It was ridiculous attention seeking. I get on well with her now.

TimeToMuskUp · 16/11/2015 15:58

You cannot win the battle of batshit MILs for thunder stealing. Mine came on our Honeymoon and got D&V from drinking the tap water and spent the entire time acting like Zsa Zsa Gabor with irate behaviour and madness, then shat herself on the rug in our suite.

Also, I think you're BU a little. Shit happens (quite literally at times, see above). Your DD has wonderful Godparents (Doctor - good call, mine have louts and hoodlums for Godparents because we're ruffians). Be thankful that she didn't shit herself on your lounge rug.

ZoeConnor85 · 16/11/2015 16:00

No disrespect but you need to get a fucking grip. Being ill to the point of an ambulance being called is NOT something you could prevent. Maybe if she was being over dramatic about feeling a little poorly then you could be miffed but it sounds to me like your birthday gift should have been a giant fucking pram for you to chuck your toys out of! I hope I never end up with a daughter in law like you

TimeToMuskUp · 16/11/2015 16:02

Also, my Brother's Mum (my Dad's ex wife) spent my Brother's wedding in bed like Mrs Bennett, complaining of her nerves and needing reviving with smelling salts. What had actually happened was that she realised nobody was on the top table bar bride, groom, ushers and bridesmaids (because DB and SIL didn't want any divorced-parent-battles going on) so she stomped her feet, had a tantrum and wafted off to bed like a dying swan. Right as rain the next day for her free fry-up though.

Families are shits. Embrace it and you'll begin to see the funny side.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 16/11/2015 16:02

Too right flogging! The OP is blatantly bullshitting about this- I would bet money the party bit was absolutely about her and her special day!

MGMidget · 16/11/2015 16:05

My DH made the point it would end up being a celebration of my birthday as well because of the timing. He got me a surprise cake and got everyone to sing 'Happy Birthday' (eek). I'm not interested in re-celebrating my birthday! There would have been no event if we weren't having a christening.

Yes, MIL is OK and I am now in a more positive frame of mind to concentrate on her needs.

OP posts:
category12 · 16/11/2015 16:07

Grin and Shock @timetomuskup's Mil.

This is the funniest thread evah.

derxa · 16/11/2015 16:13

How old is your MIL MG ?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 16/11/2015 16:13

I wouldn't bother OP,I'm sure it's quite plain to her hoe you feel about the poor woman so might be best to let her recover without your catsbum face about

laflaca · 16/11/2015 16:22

A surprise birthday cake and everyone singing Happy Birthday (eek) then MIL ruins your day by suddenly becoming the focus of attention!

srslylikeomg · 16/11/2015 16:22

Cleaning up vom is never good - poor you. But, really, op what sort of person reacts to someone becoming seriously ill and vomiting everywhere (she was probably mortified) with anything other than compassion??? Your birthday celebration and your daughter's christening are not as important as your mil's health. Surely you can see that?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 16/11/2015 16:24

This stinks of It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. I honestly can't believe you don't see how unreasonable you are!

Finola1step · 16/11/2015 16:40

TimeToMuskUp, you win. Hands down. That's one if the best batty MIL stories in the history of mn. Not only did she join you on your honeymoon (why???) but she shat on your rug. Loving it. Grin

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 16/11/2015 16:42

I feel for you.

It's not totally reasonable rationally to be upset at mil, who doubtless didn't mean this to happen. However, I think you are very tired, with a new baby and the broken nights, organising party single handed etc. I can see that it seemed like one golden moment was ruined. Irrational but understandable. As one pp said, come and moan on here and then be nice in rl. That's what we should be for, not to give you a kicking.

I note the posters who have had a go at you are largely those who have a go at all and sudry, exclaiming several times a day that they can't believe how u an op is being.

It's daft to let it worry you. And take heart that the christening went well. But mn shouldn't be a kicking for a tired new mum. Yes this is aibu but it shouldn't be a bunch of tossers.

MGMidget · 16/11/2015 16:43

I think I made the point a while back that I could see I was being unreasonable Paul.

OP posts:
MGMidget · 16/11/2015 16:52

Thanks Hayde for kind words (and to a number of others who said kind things previously). I am very fond of my mother in law, just had a wobble about this. She's doesn't always look after herself as she should which has had some big implications in the past for us so I was not as sympathetic as I should have been. She's now taking her medication and feeling a lot better today. And, of course I haven't made her feel bad about it - I was just inwardly annoyed about it. This is what families are about though!

OP posts:
srslylikeomg · 16/11/2015 18:29

I may have been harsher than you deserve op as this has hit an old wound: we were given the cold shoulder by DHs family after we had to miss his niece's christening due to sudden and extreme Dand V. They thought we were just being flaky and were sooo cutting when we phoned to explain. DH puked on route all over the dashboard. We pulled over. He puked in someone's front garden, they had loads of garden gnomes. The kids were crying, traffic blaring. Worst. Day. Ever. Glad you feel ok about this now, you'll look back on this and laugh I am sure! Grin

GruntledOne · 16/11/2015 18:33

I note the posters who have had a go at you are largely those who have a go at all and sundry, exclaiming several times a day that they can't believe how u an op is being.

Hear, hear. They're so blatantly enjoying being judgmental, it really is quite nauseating.