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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To resent MIL for ruining a big family event? (sorry, long post)

172 replies

MGMidget · 16/11/2015 12:03

I am wrestling with my feelings about this. It was my baby daughter's christening yesterday which we also rolled in with a celebration of my birthday since it was a ‘big’ birthday (i.e. turning a decade). It was one of those rare opportunities to get family members together in one place for a joyous occasion. It was also meant to be an opportunity to show my appreciation for the Godparents who are making an important commitment to ‘be there’ for my daughter in the future for which I am very grateful.

I organized the event singlehandedly, battling tiredness to do a lot of it late at night as it’s the only time I could find (I have an older DS too, my DH works long hours so wasn’t in a position to help, and my daughter still wakes up every 2-3 hours in the night).

Everything was going really well and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves at the post-christening buffet lunch in our house. DS even surprised me by opening a bottle of our old wedding champagne – I had no idea we still had any! For a couple of minutes I had one of those dreamy moments where I was thinking I wanted to remember this moment forever!

Then, everything changed. Someone asked me to call an ambulance. My mother-in-law was carried out of the room. Another room was cleared of children and turned into a hospital zone. One of the Godparents is a doctor and my sister-in-law is a nurse so they took over, focusing on reviving her. The doctor send her husband home to get her medical equipment to do some tests. Meanwhile my MIL came round. It seems she had fainted but was fortunately caught before she hit the floor. We were getting more hopeful that this wasn’t too serious. Then she started to vomit, covering herself, the living room and SIL in vomit. And so, it went on, various people running around fetching buckets of water, clean clothes, more calls to emergency services to ascertain if an ambulance should come or not.

Needless to say the atmosphere was ruined and the focus was now on my MIL and what was wrong. People were offering to go home early to get out of the way and leave us to it. Then, more information started to filter out. It seems she wasn’t taking some medicine she had been prescribed by the doctor. The medicine was supposed to calm an inflamed stomach, which it seemed she had developed the week before, and was also supposed to prevent vomiting which would be a symptom of her inflamed stomach condition (it was not food poisoning or a stomach bug). It also seems she had repeatedly insisted on closing a patio door that had been opened to let in fresh air when the room was getting hot and stuffy with all the people standing around, oven heating food etc. Then she had said she ‘needed some air’ and passed out! Knowing all this, now, I can’t help feeling that my MIL brought this on herself and ruined a lovely family event. At the same time I feel guilty for thinking this because she obviously didn’t fall ill intentionally and we were very worried at first.

She’s OK now, just needed a few hours to recover, but that was basically the rest of the event and some time afterwards when we should have been clearing up. DH drove her home afterwards and I’m still clearing up the last of the vomit today (she vomited in more than one part of the house!).

So, having taken stock, I know it wasn’t serious and could have been avoided by simply behaving sensibly and taking prescribed medicine. Am I being unreasonable for resenting her for ruining this event?

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 16/11/2015 12:52

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BarbarianMum · 16/11/2015 12:53

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reni2 · 16/11/2015 12:56

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MushroomMama · 16/11/2015 12:57

As mad as this sounds! My mother does this. She'll not take medication and refuse to go to appointments etc and then get carted off in an ambulance! I then have to play find the mother round various hospitals.

Having said that as much as it's disappointing and a rubbish experience you just have to move on focus on the nice parts of the day

stinanordenstram · 16/11/2015 12:58

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fleurdelacourt · 16/11/2015 12:59

Wow OP - surely a Christening is about the service and the underlying meaning?

That your mother was unwell and needed urgent medical attention in your home is hardly an attention seeking ploy on her part.

I do hope you've been gracious enough to at least ask how she is???

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 16/11/2015 12:59

Oh dear - your poor MIL must be so mortified if it was as avoidable as all that.

My FIL did something similar years ago [without the vomit] and ruined a rare and very special weekend away that MIL had gone to huge effort to arrange and to secretly finance. I can understand how disappointed you must be that things ended the way that it did.

Try to be gracious. We've all made poor shit decisions at some point. Your MIL will be living this down for years.

And call in a carpet cleaner if funds permit. Life is too short to be scrubbing out vomit with newborn in the house.

Duckdeamon · 16/11/2015 13:00
Grin
AbbyCadabra · 16/11/2015 13:03

I like the extra totally pointless details. "DS even surprised me by opening an old bottle of our wedding champagne - I had no idea we even still had any!".

reni2 · 16/11/2015 13:07

I'm just imagining the heroic doctor and nurse present doing some tests with the medical equipment the doctor's equally heroic dh quickly brought to the party. What a gig! Bubbling liquids on a bunsen burner? MIL weeing into tubes for sugar tests? Vomit pH determined? Grin Grin Grin Wow just wow.

mumblebumble · 16/11/2015 13:08

TBF some people do manage to make every occasion about themselves and their medical dramas, sympathies OP if your MIL is one of them.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 16/11/2015 13:10

For a couple of minutes I had one of those dreamy moments where I was thinking I wanted to remember this moment forever!

Then, everything changed. Someone asked me to call an ambulance. My mother-in-law was carried out of the room. Another room was cleared of children and turned into a hospital zone. One of the Godparents is a doctor and my sister-in-law is a nurse so they took over, focusing on reviving her. The doctor send her husband home to get her medical equipment to do some tests.

Your writing style reminds me of the work teachers must get when they ask for a personal account of a dramatic day. Your dh was being unreasonable for keeping a bottle of champagne hidden from you and yabu for being such a self centred, selfish person.

Hth.

CFSsucks · 16/11/2015 13:11

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OTheHugeManatee · 16/11/2015 13:14

YANBU to be disappointed that your birthday party/child's christening party was ruined not to mention your living room carpet. Considering your MIL's ailment was completely avoidable I'd be a bit annoyed in your shoes. That said, it's not as if she deliberately ate an emetic so as to go all Exorcist on your big day so I think you're just going to have to let this one go.

reni2 · 16/11/2015 13:19

In case my earlier comment will have to be deleted a repetition without accusations, sorry about those:

One of the Godparents is a doctor...The doctor send her husband home to get her medical equipment to do some tests. Hmm

No doctor of my acquaintance has ever run some tests if not on duty. That would be ridiculous, any tests would have to be repeated in hospital. A doctor present will stabilize the patient whilst waiting for the ambulance.

magimedi · 16/11/2015 13:19

The OP does seem to have been on MN for some years so, sadly, I think this tale is true.

Very unsympathetic, OP - MIl could well have been muddled about the dosage.

Theymakemefeellikeshit · 16/11/2015 13:22

I can understand especially if MIL has not been taking medication.

My mother has form for ruining meals by becoming ill during them often accompanied by I knew it would make me ill. Why order it then when you know

These occurences are normally when she has no control over location. Always fine if she chooses restaurant or we go to her house - strange that.

jorahmormont · 16/11/2015 13:22

Ah there's nothing like one of these threads to bring out the troll hunters and the "GET AHHT OF MOY MUMSNET" posters.

If you think it's a troll, why not report?
If you think you own Mumsnet and can tell people that they do/don't belong here, fuck off. Unless you're Justine in disguise you just come off sounding like a knob end.

Nibledbyducks · 16/11/2015 13:23

To be fair I would assume tests would refer to blood sugar monitoring and a doctor may very well have their own kit for that.
OP YANBU to be upset that the event was ruined. YWBU to blame MIL for that.

BalaRua · 16/11/2015 13:24

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KeepOnMoving1 · 16/11/2015 13:25

You should be more concerned about how your 8yo knows where the alcohol is which you didn't, and how does he know how to open a bottle of champagne at that age!!

laflaca · 16/11/2015 13:28

I would be livid if my DH didn't tell me he had champagne left over from our wedding.

reni2 · 16/11/2015 13:29

Nibledbyducks you wouldn't need that though, would you? Any paramedic will have that, a diabetic might also have her own. Randomly present doctor would be ill advised to send dh out instead of calling an ambulance.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 16/11/2015 13:30

Calm down jorah Hmm

The secret stash of champagne is awful. Ltb.

BeccaMumsnet · 16/11/2015 13:31

Hi all - we can't currently see any reason to suspect why the OP here isn't genuine. Please could we ask that everyone stops troll hunting on the thread and report any doubts they have to us. We'll be removing the troll hunting shortly. Thank you to those who did report.