Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think parents who dont rsvp are rude?

143 replies

Fantasyland · 13/11/2015 17:32

I don't understand why people don't say yes or no to party invitations (other than child losing invitation at school)
Out of 15 kids only 7 have rsvp and because of the activity I need to know the exact number of kids.

Some of the parents i've managed to catch after school today when the party is tomorrow and they say oh no he cant come but they could have told me earlier! Its so frustrating. is this normal for me to chase people whether they are coming or not?

OP posts:
wigglylines · 15/11/2015 00:24

"I am also atrocious at losing keys, or other essential things, misjudge time ALL THE TIME which is awful as I feel terrible about that too and I am terrible at replying to text messages - again, if I see it, brain says 'dealt with' and I forget completely."

AnnekaRice that's it exactly, again.

I don't carry keys a lot of the time as they are so often lost. I keep my money and cards in a pocket in my clothes not a bag as I can't trust myself to not lose the bag.

GreatFuckability · 15/11/2015 01:44

I lost my bag for 3 days. I eventually found it in the washing machine. I lose things that were literally JUST in my hand. I leave keys in shops. I do things like this all the time.
Its crap, and I hate it. I spend SO much time searching for stuff. I'm also a nice person who will go out of my way to help others, so I find it really quite upsetting that on this thread people like me are described as 'spiteful' and 'waiting for a better offer'. That couldn't be further from the truth.

KoalaDownUnder · 15/11/2015 02:55

Well, I also lose things constantly unless I'm very careful. I seem to have a terrible short-term memory. So I sympathise.

But I really do not think that has an awful lot to do with not rsvp-ing.

You get an invitation. You are either already committed at that time, or you're not. Reply accordingly, then and there.

StampyMum · 15/11/2015 04:03

I'm a scatty, forgetful person, but I always RSVP fairly promptly - for the child whose party it is, it's such a big deal. I've had quite a few parties for DS and never had a problem with parents not replying, tbh. I once had a parent turn up with three extra children though. I told her to take them home Blush

queenoftheboys · 15/11/2015 04:35

I'm busy and can be forgetful too so I have to have a system: unpack school bags, find note, fill it in straight away, write event on calendar, put note back in bag for returning or hang on clip I keep for the purpose. Same with invitations - check calendar straight away, text yes or no, write party on calendar, put invite on fridge. Job done. Putting something aside to do later does risk me forgetting, so I don't do that. Parties might seem a trivial nuisance to adults but they are so important to kids!

HortonWho · 15/11/2015 08:40

Wiggly, but you know this about yourself and expect others to not only suck it up but to also be understanding and nice about it.

perhaps you have worked really hard on this and haven't posted about it, but from what you wrote on here, you suspect a medical issue - but haven't been to the GP. There are many coping strategies, many organisations strategies - and they do work. You don't need to stress over each piece of paper if you have a system and all you need to worry about is to follow your routine.

tigermoll · 15/11/2015 09:02

I have always been scatty and forgetful, even when I was a kid. It was a running joke in my family that I would lose something the minute you gave it to me, or go out wearing mismatching shoes. or forget things I was told. People thought it was because I was laid back, but in reality I found it hugely stressful to always be late, or always be rushing, or not have the right stuff with me.

So when I was about thirteen, I made a HUGE effort to become more organised. I wrote stuff in a diary, made lists and looked at them every day, got in the habit of checking the calendar, etc. I addressed my natural untidiness and kept my room clean (not all the time, admittedly, but I stayed on top of it). It worked*. Now the running joke about me is that I have a "daily goals list" and am always pathologically early to everything.

The point is that, if you KNOW that you lose things or forget things, you need a system. It's your responsibility to find ways to deal it. There is no such thing as a "naturally organised" person just someone who has put effort into not being disorganised. This goes double for people who suspect they may have a condition that makes these things harder for them you need a strategy for dealing with it, not just to vaguely hope that other people will understand.

*Did my parents recognise and applaud the new me? Did they bunnies. I'm in my thirties now and they still treat me like the scruffy, scatty eight year old I used to be :)

Inlawsfromhell · 15/11/2015 09:22

We handed out 50ish invites for DD1 birthday party 26 replied ended up with 38 kids! We had a RSVP by a certain date, that siblings can come if confirmed beforehand and my mobile and email address. Luckily I had extra party bags (I won't be doing party bags again!) I told DH if parents don't RSVP they won't be just turning up next year!

londonrach · 15/11/2015 09:25

For those saying they are scatty etc. im dyslexic but over the years have learnt teckneks to overcome the most bits. In fact if you met me in real life you never guess. In the case of being scatty, you know yourself after this much time so i would be methodical by emptying the children bags everyday on their return from school and writing everything down on a pad that needs doing which is always kept in x place. Tigermoll is right in her approach. It is rude not to rsvp no matter your excuse. X

mrsjanedoe · 15/11/2015 09:48

The sad thing is, until fairly recently, adding "RSVP " on an invitation was considered extremely rude. It meant that you assume your guests were too ill-mannered to think about replying by themselves, and it was a big no-no.

Times have changed unfortunately, and manners seem to have gone out of the window for some, so asking to RSVP is normal.

If someone doesn't reply, for me it only means that they are waiting to see if they receive a better offer (unless very exceptional circumstances of course), and they believe they are far too good for us, and would only come to our party if they really have nothing better to do.

Charming, but duly noted.

StampyMum · 15/11/2015 09:56

If I put invitations in a safe place, to reply later, then yes, chances are I'd lose them too/forget to reply. The difference is that I think replying is really important, so I do it straightaway. Those of you who forget, it's actually that you think it's not that important. And believe me, I am really, really scatty...

Epilepsyhelp · 15/11/2015 09:58

It's all about the lists. Little notebook in handbag, the moment you see the invite, if you can't reply on the spot then write it in the notebook - date time venue and RSVP phone number. Check note book every night as part of routine - bet you don't forget to brush your teeth or get into bed so make it part of that.

Savagebeauty · 15/11/2015 10:05

I never did whole class parties. Just half a dozen kids who I knew....and who came to tea regularly. So I knew the parents and so RSVPs weren't an issue.
I'm afraid I would judge someone who didn't reply.

2ndSopranosRule · 15/11/2015 10:15

YANBU.

We have dd's party this afternoon as it happens and one hasn't said yes or no. I'm taking spare party bag bits and mercifully the card machine at the venue was playing up when I called to pay the balance the other day so actually we don't have to until today.

I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt though. We had an extra who hadn't replied once and when the mum dropped him off she said just call me with any problems - you've got my number from my rsvp text. Either it was never delivered or maybe she'd put the wrong number in.

greenfolder · 15/11/2015 10:18

My invites no longer say RSVP.
With DD3 they are put in an A4 Manila envelope.
They say we are doing x. Only 8 children can come. Please let me know by x date if you can come. Please let me know if you can't come so we can invite someone else instead. If I have not heard from you by x I will assume you are not coming. The shorter amount of time to respond, the better the response.

The difference between my eldest who was pre mobiles and the youngest is that people seem to think that they do not need to respond if they are not coming.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/11/2015 10:33

I like your style green

if any of the people reading this are sitting on an invite I hope they decide to text the parent yes or no.

dd2 hasn't had a party yet this is her first one and so far three from school are showing up. the rest see me daily and have said nothing.

GreatFuckability · 15/11/2015 11:17

I don't pick up my kids every day. Some times I don't see them for 2/3 days so just emptying the bags doesn't necessarily work. I'm often in the car when I see invites where I don't have my diary (I forget it, see a theme here?).
Anyway, now I just sound like I'm making excuses when all my point is, is that I'm not deliberately rude and I'm horrified that anyone would think I'm waiting on a better offer!
I have a chronic pain condition, I take lots of meds. Some days just staying awake through the day is all I can manage. I do try very hard to not forget things, its all I can do really and hope that people don't hold it against me.

cannotlogin · 15/11/2015 12:07

hmmm....I have 3 children who frequently don't turn up at parties. When they get an invite on their dad's time, I ask their dad if they can go. I will then RSVP 'yes' to the host parent. On the weekend of the party, I will send the invite and a card and present with the child in question. Half the time (thereabouts) my ex doesn't take them. There is not much I can do about this. I know it's rude and causes problems. I also realise that my children are often not invited back because of it. I know that non-separated parents or parents who are separated but are able to manage their children's lives in an amicable way don't understand this. But it happens and I have no control over it. Please bear this in mind - it might not always be as black and white as it seems.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread