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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think parents who dont rsvp are rude?

143 replies

Fantasyland · 13/11/2015 17:32

I don't understand why people don't say yes or no to party invitations (other than child losing invitation at school)
Out of 15 kids only 7 have rsvp and because of the activity I need to know the exact number of kids.

Some of the parents i've managed to catch after school today when the party is tomorrow and they say oh no he cant come but they could have told me earlier! Its so frustrating. is this normal for me to chase people whether they are coming or not?

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 14/11/2015 21:12

I have never taken one of my children to a party I haven't RSVPed to. As a general rule people know what I am like and text me to give me a prod. Or get their child to ask mine, and then my child reminds me.

Hygellig · 14/11/2015 21:14

I couldn't agree more! DS's party is next Sunday (whole class party - last time I'm doing one for him) and I'm still waiting for seven replies. I put yesterday as the deadline for RSVPs, as I need to let the venue know numbers and sort out the party bags.

One mum said she only found the invite about 10 days after it went in the book bag, so that might have happened to some others. I texted two non-replying mums whose numbers I have from previous parties today, but haven't had a reply from them yet. I've asked a few at the school gates but a couple of children are always at after-school club so I don't see the parents.

Surely it only takes a few minutes to look at your calendar/diary, check whether or not you are free, and reply to say either yes or no?

GreatFuckability · 14/11/2015 21:17

I can see that pyjama and you'd have to be pretty awful to deliberately upset a kid like that. Which I'm not, i just forget sometimes. As I said, this week I forgot to pick up my own child, I just have a crap memory and a busy life and the two don't always work well together. I resent the implication that I'm spiteful to children, think my time is more important than other peoples or that I just don't care about other people. None of those things are true.

Oakmaiden · 14/11/2015 21:21

GF - I forgot to pick up my son on Friday too. I think I assumed my husband would pick him up (he was working from home, I was working in a town 20 miles away) but didn't actually ask him to. So I drove home from work (pretty much past the school), popped into the Doctor's surgery to pick up a script, went home, checked no cake had mysteriously appeared in the kitchen (it hadn't) and went into the study with a parcel that had been delivered and I knew was for my son. It was only at this point I finally said "Oh crap, I haven't picked DS up!" I got to the school 10 minutes after the after school club finishes. I am a very bad mother.

birdsdestiny · 14/11/2015 21:26

Its fine to forget or to be too busy, absolutely fine. But you have to accept the consequences. If you do this it is very likely your child will not be invited again, and people will be saying oh they think their time is more important than mine, they are thoughtless etc. They will not be saying oh bless them aren't they funny and quirky.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 14/11/2015 21:29

Not sure what would've occurred had that child had turned up at dc2's party.It wouldn't have entered my head to turn her away and I would've hoped the place would've accommodated her. It's frustrating not knowing either way when you have to give an answer to the Venue who need to know how much food and party bags to prepare.

hibbleddible · 14/11/2015 21:37

I only had about 8 reply to a whole class invite, only those who said yes rsvp'ed.

It might have been nice for the others to message to say they can't come, but there is no point dwelling on it.

This is why I always do parties where number attending doesn't matter too much (we hire a venue and do catering/entertainment ourselves).

GreatFuckability · 14/11/2015 21:39

I don't think I'm funny or quirky, I think I'm pretty crap. But I also think I do my best with what I have. I've not noticed that people don't invite my kids any more, but if that's the case then its one more thing to feel like I'm failing at as a parent. It can go on my very long list.

Only1scoop · 14/11/2015 21:46

Yanbu

It's rude and thoughtless.

Takes 30 seconds

Pyjamaramadrama · 14/11/2015 21:47

Greatfuckibility I'm sorry if I was being a bit arsey and you're having a stressful time, I know what that's like so last thing I would intend is to make anyone feel worse.

Pyjamaramadrama · 14/11/2015 21:55

Oh and I forgot two quite important things to do with my sons recently. It's because I'm on maternity leave so not checking my work diary daily. I promised ds if stick a calendar up which I still haven't done.

I try to reply to party invites the minute I see it as otherwise I'd forget.

Didn't mean to get personal just has a few bad experiences of being the party organiser.

Oakmaiden · 14/11/2015 21:59

My children are 10, 12 and 17. I haven't noticed a problem with them being excluded from parties.

birdsdestiny · 14/11/2015 22:05

Pyjamas I think its me greatfuckability is upset with not you!

wigglylines · 14/11/2015 22:09

I often forget to reply to party invites - because I am disorganised and really struggling to keep in top of things, my memory is atrocious and I have a lot to deal with at the moment (I won't bore you with the detail). Not a great combination for remembering to reply to party texts.

I forgot to take DS to a part of one of his best mates, after remembering to confirm we were coming - that was even worse Sad Not sure the mum is talking to me.

I'm not being deliberately rude or thoughtless. I know it's crap, but it's not because I don't give a shit or only think of myself.

My whole life is full of forgotten or half-finished tasks, many of which come back to bite me. Party invites are just the tip of the iceberg!

wigglylines · 14/11/2015 22:10

*party not part

wigglylines · 14/11/2015 22:16

When I am organising parties myself, I have pretty low expectations about RSVPing.

I don't get stressed about it or annoyed with people because I'm not expecting anything different.

I think it's because (as well as being bad at it myself) I used to work in events, and we were used to dealing with this kind of thing all the time (but for much larger events!) and just rolling with it.

So, people don't get back to me for a kids party? Meh.

That's just what people are like, we can't change them - but I have a plan to deal with it - If I need to know number I chase replies. If I don't I just make sure I've got enough in case everyone turns up. I don't waste energy being annoyed. Simple.

GreatFuckability · 14/11/2015 22:16

I'm not upset with anyone specifically. Just feel a bit shit that anyone would think me spiteful or rude on purpose.

WorraLiberty · 14/11/2015 22:22

YANBU

What with mobile phones, actually saying 'yes' or 'no' couldn't be any bloody easier.

Yet some parents will still claim they're too busy Hmm

It's just rude.

wigglylines · 14/11/2015 22:32

WorraLiberty when I get the text I am often out of the house, I can't see my calendar and usually I don't know if I can say yes or no at th etime.

My permanent state of being at the moment is sleep deprived, stressed and with a lot on my mind, plus I have a terrible memory anyway.

When the I return home, I may or may not remember that I received the text, it's very possible that it's completely gone from my mind and I am thinking instead about dinner, stopping the kids from fighting, how on earth we are going to pay the bills, or get the hot water fixed etc etc.

Most of the time I'll remember and text back, but fairly often I just plain forget.

Dysfunctional? Yes, I'll put my hand up to that right now. Rude? No, not really.

WorraLiberty · 14/11/2015 22:35

You've misunderstood me wiggly

Most kids come out of school with an invitation

The invitation has a mobile number on it

Many parents still can't be arsed to check their calenders and send a yes/no text.

It's very bloody rude.

wibblypig1 · 14/11/2015 22:50

My DD had a party in June - mostly family, and lots of friends of ours and DDs, but also some little friends from nursery (10 of them). Only 1 person RSVPd from nursery the night before. No other chavvy fucker bothered. My poor DD. Thankfully she had such a wicked time she didn't notice, but to all the bastard fuckers who didn't respond - shove it up your dirty crevices. Lots of people said it was a brilliant party and you missed out big time.
People can be so, so rude.

Girlfriend36 · 14/11/2015 23:00

Today I booked dds birthday party for next year, it is going to cost £20 per child. I will be very cross if parents don't rsvp, i need to know def number for party bags and food etc.

It takes 2 mins to look at invite, make a decision about whether your child can go or not and send a quick text.

HortonWho · 14/11/2015 23:03

When organising a class party for 30 kids leaves me chasing half the parents for RSVP, I'm afraid the terribly busy/stressed/forgetful explanations really do irritate..

Because I really don't have time to chase up 15 of these special snowflakes, profusely apologising for again bothering them but.

I'm doing it for my kids and their kids. Fucks me off when I'm treated like I'm the annoying unsolicited sales call by a parent.

WorraLiberty · 14/11/2015 23:12

I wonder how today's 'busy parents' would have coped before mobile phones?

You know, when you actually had to tear along the perforated line that said RSVP and return it to the child/parent in the school playground with a decision?

wigglylines · 14/11/2015 23:16

"You've misunderstood me wiggly"

On the specifics, yes, but the gist is the same.

Paper invites are worse than texts for me. At least a text hangs around in my phone and I might chance upon it again. I tend to lose bits of paper. Not because I don't think they are important, but because I forget what i've done with them, or that they even exist. (a piece of paper with exercises from the physio, which I am meant to doing is currently on the missing list, for example.)

Again, dysfunction, not rudeness.

HortonWho it may irritate you when people like me forget stuff, but I would hazard a guess not nearly as much as it annoys me that I can't fucking remember this stuff. I'm not doing it deliberately or because I d9n't care, not at all. .