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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think parents who dont rsvp are rude?

143 replies

Fantasyland · 13/11/2015 17:32

I don't understand why people don't say yes or no to party invitations (other than child losing invitation at school)
Out of 15 kids only 7 have rsvp and because of the activity I need to know the exact number of kids.

Some of the parents i've managed to catch after school today when the party is tomorrow and they say oh no he cant come but they could have told me earlier! Its so frustrating. is this normal for me to chase people whether they are coming or not?

OP posts:

itsmine · 13/11/2015 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minikievs · 13/11/2015 21:03

How do you know whether they've received the invite though? My DS arrived home today with a big pile of stuff from his school drawer and in if was an invitation for two weeks ago! I've text the mum and apologised, but you say in your op "other than child losing the invite" but how do you know, if the parent doesn't do drop off/pick up to enable you to chase them?

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 13/11/2015 21:11

There seems to be a culture of not replying at my dcs' current school so I am very reluctant to have a party at soft play as I used to when they were at the old school - just don't want to waste the money if I am not going to get replies.
It is bizarre - in the old place everyone always replied except for one family who never replied and never came to anything so at least you knew where you were with them. In this one I had precisely 1 reply out of a dozen or so who couldn't come, and two who turned up without replying. It's like declining invitations is just not a local custom in this town

ChatEnOeuf · 13/11/2015 21:12

I forget I'm sorry

In my defence, I always RSVP when we are coming...

boodles · 13/11/2015 21:20

I think it is rude. As well as being very annoying not knowing how many to cater for it is also can be upsetting when you think only a few children want to come to your child's party and also children can be very knowing and be upset that few of their friends want to come.

To those on thread who forget to reply, how do you feel when the same happens to you/your child?

itsmine · 13/11/2015 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Macey78 · 13/11/2015 21:24

I personally feel it is rude but what I have found is that this year in particular, people have set up a whatsapp group for those on a smartphone saying johnny's 7th birthday included in the group all of whom they would like to invite zany done it this way. Almost all responded very quickly if not within a few days. Wish I had done this for my child's birthday but didn't have the confidence to do it. But I also did have someone who said they would come and not turn up or send a msg!

MsJamieFraser · 13/11/2015 21:31

this to me is somewhat annoying... Not because of the OP reason however, as a adult of a child, I dont think is fair that an adult be expected to reply with a rsvp...

However at the same time... If I did not rsvp, I would not expect my child to be included in the celebration.

It annoys me because it's the whole forced expectation for a reply... I know it sounds I unreasonable... But. Don't expect anything from anyone... If they don't reply the they aren't included.

But again I don't and can't accept people expect me/them to respond to a invite.

Probably doesn't make sense, but it's the whole expectation of someone's time that annoys me! I know IABU however but it does annoy me... Because it's an forced expectation.

thebestfurchinchilla · 13/11/2015 21:35

Yes they are rude. Remember who they are for next year and don't invite them!

itsmine · 13/11/2015 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsJamieFraser · 13/11/2015 21:48

I know I am

But if I don't reply then I don't expect to be involved in the celebration.

But I also dislike the expectation of an invite

I just hate forced expectations, free will and all that nonsense

what the feck was my last post about, hate iPhones and dyslexia, they don't go hand in hand, and I say it everytime I use the bloody thing

HortonWho · 13/11/2015 21:55

It would be great if you could assume no answer means a no. But plenty of rude parents and their other children still show up on the day. And so you have to accommodate the assholes who can't bother to text, because you don't want to turn away their poor kids when they show up at your door.

itsmine · 13/11/2015 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rainbowqueeen · 13/11/2015 21:56

I've never been able to work out how people are "so busy" they can't RSVP but they still manage to find time to bring their child along to the party.

Surely the RSVPing is the part that takes the least time!!!

milkmilklemonade12 · 13/11/2015 22:00

I got a good response for my DS' last party, but I did have to chase up a few stragglers. I messaged them on Facebook (using the class parent Facebook group) because you can see when the message has been read and they know that. The 3 non repliers were very apologetic and replied within about 30 minutes.

It's not meant maliciously, but it is annoying!

edwinbear · 13/11/2015 22:05

The two that haven't RSVP'd to dd's party tomorrow despite 2 e mails and a text will find their dc's have second rate, inferior, stand by, party bags if they do decide to turn up. And they are definitely off the invitation list for any other parties. I too am busy, and they are simply adding to my 'jobs list' by making me chase them numerous times because of their lack of basic manners and organisation skills.

Original poster

Fantasyland · 13/11/2015 22:31

People who have replied who say 'I'm that parent I'm so busy' you do realise your children won't be invited to as many other parties and people may do the same to you and I promise you it's really annoying as I'm having to take a load of extra food and party bags Tomorow in case their children turn up.
Also hate the I'm been to busy to respond to your party invitation line. That is even ruder than not rsvp at all

OP posts:

Original poster

Fantasyland · 13/11/2015 22:35

I didn't word that quite well , what I meant was people who say they are busy implies their time is more important than your time as you have to chase for an answer or make extra food.

OP posts:

Bonkers1 · 13/11/2015 23:25

"I'm so busy that I forget to reply" does not wash with me. I'm extremely busy and I still manage to reply to invitations. People just don't care, it's as simple as that. DD had a party recently. I chased parents. 2 girls whose parents had actually replied just didn't show up. Again, they don't care that we'd included their child in numbers, they didn't care that my daughter would wonder why her friends didn't show up. People are generally flaky, I have very low expectations now!

And those who admit to being rubbish with replying. What are your own expectations when you send out your child's invitations? Do you expect any replies?

GreatFuckability · 14/11/2015 10:30

When I say I'm busy, I'm not saying I don't have 30 seconds to send a text- obviously I do- what I mean is I'm busy so in the mess of trying to remember everything I need to remember I forget that I've had the invitation. Or I RSVP with every intention of going and then forget about the party. This week I forgot my daughter was waiting for me at her school until she phoned me. I'm just forgetful.

GreatFuckability · 14/11/2015 10:34

I've never done a whole class party and when I have done a party of a few kids I generally just ask the parents. Because I'm too forgetful to buy invitations. No one seems to hate me for it.

AliceInUnderpants · 14/11/2015 10:37

Today I'm that parent. My DC have been off school since Tuesday and Wednesday. I just found an invitation in DC1s bag that was given to her on Tuesday for a party tomorrow. I've just PMed and asked if it is still possible for them to attend.

laffymeal · 14/11/2015 10:42

YANBU, Glad I'm passed all this now because it drove me nuts when my DC were younger.

I was very busy, had 2 DCs, 2 elderly parents constantly in and out of hospital/care, a job and was studying, DH worked long, long hours and I still always managed to reply to party invitations pdq so the "too busy" stuff is just a lame excuse for being rude and considering your time more important than everyone else's.

megletthesecond · 14/11/2015 10:43

alice tbh that's slightly late notice from the other parent though. Invites on Tues for a party on the Saturday isn't the best planning.

I always rsvp promptly.

Muckogy · 14/11/2015 10:47

more than rude.
its mindlessly ignorant.

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