to expect my DP to cart me off somewhere safe for me

[HawkEyeTheNoo]

So...... I'm making steak pie for tea, as I was bashing my oxo cubes I suddenly found myself talking to the camera person from "come dine with me" as to,

1. Why I bashed the oxo cubes before putting them in the pot
2. Why I use six oxo cubes
3. Why I have left it so late to start cooking this tea which will take hours to tenderise.

So, this is all fair and well if I was actually on the programme but I was talking OUTLOUD to someone who isn't there!

I'm off sick from work just now so am alone a lot and I'm aware I sometimes have conversations in my head with people () but I think this is the first time I've turned my head to look at the person who clearly isn't there and answer the questions I have imagined them asking me! Jeezo even the cat looked perplexed! I need to get out more!! I did have a chuckle to myself at the thought of telling DP and him calling my mum saying "that's it Hawk's mum, she's finally lost it, bring the shotgun!" So decided to tell you lot instead

It's when the food answers that you really need to worry!

I talk to myself from time to time. In this house it is often the only chance of getting a sensible reply.

Ha wolfie that I can relate to

Hee hee hee. I can just imagine you.

I do that usually it's a Saturday brunch kind of show, nice and relaxed.

I even pause so the camera can see how I've chopped my veggies

Why DO you use 6 oxo cubes?!

If I were the voiceover man I'd say "Doesn't HawkEye know about pressure cookers?

Seriously, that's how my Mum always did steak pie meat and it was always delicious, but only took 40 mins to cook, tops.

As for the imaginary camera, just think of it was rehearsal for your actual TV presenter career!

I do all the sex stuff like nigella.

To myself or the dog/cat.

How fucking sad is that.

Thank God other people do this.

I do this too! Not just with cooking though. Sometimes I just say my thoughts out loud as if I am talking things through with a friend

Wow you like your MSG don't you? I think I'd be rattling off the walls if I ate that.

*Saddo! And I pretend they've asked me questions etc. God I need to find some real life friends!

This thread is very reassuring. I regularly pretend I'm a tv chef!

I find when I've been home alone or when DD is napping on my days off, I conduct very onesided conversations with myself, same with when she was tiny or when I was on mat leave prior to the birth.

That said, I talk to myself at work as well, so maybe I'm not the best measure of normal...

I have a running commentary of my life going on in my head most of the time. Unfortunately sometimes I verbalise it.

Is that actually a word?

I think I meant vocalise.

I give my 3 month old DD a running commentary, usually in French as I want her to be as close to bilingual as possible given I'm not French (have degree and am basically fluent apart from gaping holes in vocabulary to do with babies and cooking as these weren't part of my life when I lived there!).

Must look crazy in the street/shops, especially when I use her clearly English name with a very English accent!

I talk out loud round the house. I also talk to inanimate objects out the house.

I don't think I've ever not done this. Guaranteed- If I'm cooking, I'm 100% hosting an imaginary cooking show,

Six oxo cubes??????

I am soooo pleased that this happens to you lot! I don't feel so alone now! I did tell DP on the phone as he called when I was on the school run and the convo didn't go as I had imagined...

DP - "Awright? Feeling ok? Done much?"

Me - " I have done loads, and whilst I was making tea I did a running commentary for the come dine with me crew"

DP - "really?!?!"

Me - "obviously not really, I haven't applied to CDWM and had a whole camera crew set up and forgot to tell you, I mean I know your unobservant but that would be taking it too far."

DP - "no Hawk, I was kinda hoping it was true and they maybe gave you some cooking tips instead of the usual in edible shite we get!"

I shall deal with this reprobate when he arrives home! In edible indeed! I do tend to make up recipes that are indeed shite

Gruntledone I'm not a massive meat fan so it has to be cooked for hours falling apart and really dark so it tastes nothing like it's supposed to

Jessiemcjessie I'd love a pressure cooker but would probably blow the house up and what would the cameraperson say then?!! I'd be a right laughing stock on the tv

I recall being mightily surprised when my dd first answered my monologue.

I used to ask her questions and answer on her behalf.

When she first answered for herself I was floored.

Phffft! You're small potatoes. Today I had a very spirited conversation with a certain candidate for public office whilst I was sitting on the toilet. Out loud. And no, he was not in the loo with me. DH came banging on the door saying "Who the hell are you talking to in there?".

As for pressure cookers....

My dm managed to produce a geyser of bacon water hitting roof and destroying the kitchen.

That was the end of the pressure cooker.