to expect my DP to cart me off somewhere safe for me

[HawkEyeTheNoo]

So...... I'm making steak pie for tea, as I was bashing my oxo cubes I suddenly found myself talking to the camera person from "come dine with me" as to,

1. Why I bashed the oxo cubes before putting them in the pot
2. Why I use six oxo cubes
3. Why I have left it so late to start cooking this tea which will take hours to tenderise.

So, this is all fair and well if I was actually on the programme but I was talking OUTLOUD to someone who isn't there!

I'm off sick from work just now so am alone a lot and I'm aware I sometimes have conversations in my head with people () but I think this is the first time I've turned my head to look at the person who clearly isn't there and answer the questions I have imagined them asking me! Jeezo even the cat looked perplexed! I need to get out more!! I did have a chuckle to myself at the thought of telling DP and him calling my mum saying "that's it Hawk's mum, she's finally lost it, bring the shotgun!" So decided to tell you lot instead

I do this too! DS aged 5 and I are big fans of Food Network. And he is a fussy eater. So the other day I narrated what I was cooking pretending to be Ina I do on my own too and then DS continued the thing on when we ate and ate up ALL of his dinner (sweet corn chowder) while saying 'Thanks Ina for a lovely meal'.

This week I am Jamie.

I'm concerned about the poster who has the Nigella cat and dog sex fetish

Gruntledone I'm not a massive meat fan so it has to be cooked for hours falling apart and really dark so it tastes nothing like it's supposed to

Well, me too. But even so my maximum Oxo limit is two. Isn't it awfully salty?

I do all the sex stuff like nigella. To myself or the dog/cat

Ahem. I'm sorry, you do what to the dog and cat?

Six OXO cubes? YABVU!

I often talk to myself. Sometimes I'm the only person who ever bloody listens to me!

I do Delia. I find it comforting to be briskly bossed around my own kitchen, by me, yet not me.

Sometimes I pretend I'm being interviewed by Piers Morgan for Life Stories. Usually when I'm on the loo.

I used to do this when I was little. I loved making models and shit, and I'd pretend I was on "Why don't you?" telling the nation's children how to make my crumpled up crap beautiful artwork. Who were those kids, anyway? Were they all stage school?

I'm off to make tea and I'm totally going to be on the telly. Even though it's pasta and sauce out of a bottle

Cheesynachos that is a great ploy to get round fussy eating! You're a genius

It's not tooooo salty, I don't usually salt anything at all no need due to my overuse of oxo ----

Loving those who get interviewed on the loo!!

I think tomorrow which will be some sort of chilli pasta type spaghetti stuff recipe still to be made up in my mind I shall be Delia or nigella but I'm refusing to do anything sexual to the cat!!

Finger!! Why don't you ! I loved that programme. Exactly! Who were these kids! I always wanted to be on that prog.

I have been known to cast a withering stare to the camera, a la Modern Family

I do the talking to camera when I'm cooking too.

And yesterday in the car, I was enacting what my Graham Norton sofa interview would be like if I'd done all the spectacularly impressive things with my life that I obviously could have done if I'd wanted

(I didn't do Graham's voice too, that bit was just in my head)

(and I was alone in the car, just to clarify)

I doubt stage school kids would have been allowed to keep broad regional accents finger. Or mumble like tyhe did on "Why don't you?" I never knew what anyone was saying on that programme

but if you can't talk to yourself you would often get NO sensible conversation all day.

I am over invested fascinated by the 6 oxo cubes so looked up the nutritional info. Each cube has (almost) 2 grams of salt so 6 is your entire daily allowance for you and your DP. How big a pie does it make?!

The only thing I noticed was 6 OXOS....

Euphemisms a go- go guys...

I think I have found my people....

I often pretend I'm a tv chef, mainly because the people opposite are really nosy so I try to give them something to tut about!

I had a loud argument in my head with a knobend fellow student on the train today. I told him exactly what an entitled, boring prick he is. Then a nice lady came and asked if the seat next to me was taken, and I obviously responded with such a look of fury that she apologised and started backing away. Then I had to tell her that actually she was welcome to sit there and I was just arguing with someone in my head . Surprised she sat down tbh!

Also in the 6 oxo confusion crew.

Why the fuck do you use 6 oxos woman??

The rest - yes you are nutty, but you don't sound dangerous. I don't think you are likely to start terrorising the villagers so I'm happy for you to remain in the community.

Six Oxos??

That's at least 6 teaspoons of salt.

Please don't use so many, two can be over-salty in a two portion dish.
www.nhs.uk/livewell/goodfood/pages/salt.aspx
"Adults should eat no more than 6g of salt a day – that's around one teaspoon. Children should eat less (see below for recommendations for babies and children)."

You sound like a fun person to be around, I'd like to read your posts in the future

That's a fuckload of Oxo

Why do you bash your oxo cubes?

Ooh I'm worried about our salt intake now Although it was a pie big enough for 4 adults and a tween. I don't salt anything else at all and DS doesn't like salt on anything so I think he's ok. I cook the meat for about 4/5 hours as I've got to have it so soft it's just in bits or I can't eat it so I'm constantly topping it up with water so it is getting diluted massively, still it's 6 oxo's. Next time I'll try less and see if I can eat it with two, if not I'll just have the tatties which won't bother me tbh.

Re bashing the oxo's, take your professional oxo basher wooden spoon bash them flattish then open and pour. No need for crumbling and getting huge lumps in the pot because I am weak they are impossible to crumble