...to be upset about her termination?

[princesspineapple]

I'm 21 weeks pregnant, and one of my best friends has just had a termination.
I'm all for pro-choice and it's her body etc etc... But she has basically used this as contraception (they've not used any protection for a year) and I don't really agree with that.
Putting aside my (and everyone's) feelings about her pregnancy choices... AIBU to be upset that she turned to me first in her "time of need"?
I've had MCs in the past, and am over the moon to be pregnant... So am finding it really hard to support her when she says things like "well it's only pea sized" when my little pea is now wriggling away in my belly!
Am I being a bit of an over-emotional pregnant lady and need to buck up and be a better friend, or is she actually being a cow?

Not wanting to provide a shoulder to cry on doesn't mean you believe women should be forced to have babies they don't want.

YABU it's her body and her choice , regardless of anyone else's ideas and experiences .

Forced into keeping the baby? I would have been horrified, but I now know it would have been fine to have that baby. More than fine

No, but the comments about her views about the abortion (not feeling guilty enough) and about the clearly wanton behaviour prior to if (not using any contraception) do convey a strong sense of disapproval.

Try telling the thousands of distraught mumsnetters who lose their babies at eight weeks that 'it's not a life'.

Why on earth would anyone do that? that would be unbelievably cruel. I cant understand why you would say this. My opinion is my opinion, just because i think it does not mean i seek to hurt others with it. This thread is discussing termination. The thread title has the word termination in it. You should expect to see comments in it that discuss opinion about termination. That is so very far from seeking out people who have suffered miscarriage to tell them my opinion.

Oh don't be so ridiculous conscious

but I now know it would have been fine to have that baby. More than fine

Well for others it wouldnt be fine. Just because it would have been ok for you doesnt mean others should be forced to go ahead and have a child they dont want.

Conscious, actually one of the primary reasons many women (and men) are outspoken about being pro choice is because we do care immensely about human life.

Abortion has always been around and it always will be. In the past, it could kill you. How desperate must women have been to not want to be pregnant to risk their lives? But they did. Many of them died a terrifying and painful and lonely death.

Babies being born to women who don't want them will not result in an adoption utopia where they are snatched up by loving childless couples. They can end up born often (not always) in poverty and they end up being brought up in misery and resentment and fear.

There's also an environmental consideration. Abortion is huge - yes, I too wish it wasn't, but spend a morning at a Marie Stopes clinic and it's possible to see just how many pregnancies are terminated. The impact on resources in the country would be unmanageable if all those pregnancies went to term, it really would.

Valuing human life and being pro choice aren't mutually opposing arguments - the opposite, in fact.

A holier than thou hypocrite . Love them.
I had a termination and am now expecting my third child. I am in totally different circumstances now and acknowledge my decision back then was based on me not being in any suitable position to have a child and my choices with my other children were due to my circumstances at that time. Life changes and some people are in no position to want to give birth because they happen to be pregnant no matter how many sticky beaks insist they caused the situation themselves

Of course it's a potential life.

In the same way a seed is a potential life.

An embryo is alive. Granted, it can't live without the support of the woman's body but it is still alive.

I just don't think that life that can't be sustained without using the woman's body should trump the wants and needs of the woman carrying it. I also would rather a woman abort than have a child they don't want, or maybe do want but not in a place to continue the pregnancy.

But anyway... we are derailing.

OP yanbu, you can't help how you feel and it almost reads like she's trying to get a reaction out of you?

I knew a woman who actively used abortion as an alternative to birth control.

She was not in a relationship but couldn't be bothered / didn't like to use contraception when she had ONS. She had multiple terminations at a young age.

I thought that was seriously irresponsible, and tragic, I'm pretty sure she didn't like using contraception as she thought it would make men like her less. Very sad.

So yes people like that do exist. I'm glad for her sake abortion is legal but think she was bloody foolish.

I've really opened a can of worms here, haven't I?
To everyone carried away in the slightly heated pro-choice debate... I'm sorry... I know I'm crap with words but it honestly wasn't intended to be about my or anyone's feelings on the principle of termination. I really really wish I could rewrite the OP.
To everyone who has said if IABU or not, and everyone who has offered advice... I'm very grateful, thank you for helping me sort through my (possibly ott) emotions.
I'm going to bed now, and hopefully tomorrow will go as well as possible with my friend. Thanks again everyone!

Because it's an invasive, costly and risky procedure.

You know there is such a thing as a medical abortion, right?

Jumping in to stick up for the op against the people saying that she is NOT pro choice.

I am pro choice. This doesn't mean I can't be disapproving about some of those choices while fully supporting a woman's right to make that choice.

In the same way that I am all for free speech even if I wholeheartedly dislike and disagree with some of what's being said.

My problem with people who are pro-life is that they care more about a potential life than they do an already existing person. Except they don't really, because they have no idea what to do with all the unwanted children that would be born if abortion was illegal, or care what unsafe procedures women would go back to if there wasn't access to safe abortions.

So I'm not too sure they really care about either of them.

I'm not sure that completely works as a comparison, although I understand what you mean.

I think it is certainly possible to have a 'prevention is better than cure' stance to terminating pregnancies and I doubt even the most rabid pro-choicer ever would disagree with that.

The problem is, that choice is simply whether to terminate a pregnancy or not. Now it is possible to disapprove of or judge someone's contraception choices (or lack thereof) or choice of partner of similar, but if you pass judgement on the actual abortion then really what is being said is 'they shouldn't have had an abortion' - ergo, not pro choice.

If you support someone having an abortion, or rather making that choice, then so you do.

What's with the attention?

Hope that makes you feel a bit better OP xxxx

OP, you have done nothing wrong at all.

Your post just got derailed because the subject is an interesting one to discuss I think.

A few people made it into you not being pro-choice but the majority of posters know that wasn't what your OP was about.

I'm sorry for contributing towards the derailing of your thread, but you have nothing to apologise for and you worded your OP just fine

Oh wow... With the attention. The best of MN really comes out at night, doesn't it?!