...to be upset about her termination?

[princesspineapple]

I'm 21 weeks pregnant, and one of my best friends has just had a termination.
I'm all for pro-choice and it's her body etc etc... But she has basically used this as contraception (they've not used any protection for a year) and I don't really agree with that.
Putting aside my (and everyone's) feelings about her pregnancy choices... AIBU to be upset that she turned to me first in her "time of need"?
I've had MCs in the past, and am over the moon to be pregnant... So am finding it really hard to support her when she says things like "well it's only pea sized" when my little pea is now wriggling away in my belly!
Am I being a bit of an over-emotional pregnant lady and need to buck up and be a better friend, or is she actually being a cow?

Shake off what reasons, Piper? Go on...give us a few. List these excuses to kill a baby at 24 weeks gestation, and I'll tell you whether I think that mother should do her fucking damndest to not extinguish that real life kicking and breathing human being.

Like I said if you want to find out why people do this the threads are ten a penny on mumsnet. I'm not going to link to them as you have been very rude to me and I don't want to waste my time but they're easy to find

I know mistakes happen, but it is advised during the postnatal checks that breastfeeding isn't a reliable contraceptive method.

But anyhow. In France the legal limit is 12 weeks. It would be interesting to find out what the effects of that has been and how it has worked out.

Oh ffs, are we supposed to feel sorry for this 17 year-old? Like no-one before her has accidentally got knocked up at that age. It's called Life. In all it's spectacularly unpredictable glory. What the hell happened to personal accountability?

Answer: fucking feminism.

Wow. You come across as deeply unpleasant.

Yes we're meant to feel sorry for her.

And you clearly have no idea whatsoever what feminism is about if you believe it causes problems for women

I know people who abort probably dont care anyway because they don't want the baby

That's very presumptive! And judgemental. The people I know who've had abortions have cared deeply and have felt awful about this. Do you think everyone getting abortions are some murderous unfeeling psychopaths?

A new question for the anti-abortionists. How do you feel about people who protest outside abortion clinics and harass people having abortions?

"hardest thing I’ve ever done is carry a sobbing 14-year-old rape survivor from the door of a women’s health clinic to the door of the van that would take her back to a women’s shelter, while a crowd of men stood around us and screamed that she could never be forgiven."
From www.buzzfeed.com/kayetoal/what-i-wish-everyone-knew-when-they-talked-about-abortion#.tcAbA8vqy

But in any case...what's wrong with terminating a pregnancy simply because you don't want a baby at this point? Don't want to 'find a way through' or divert your life's course into motherhood/repeated motherhood? Nothing, IMO.

Exactly mother. Are anti-choice posters suggesting there be a comprehensive list of the "shall" and the "shall nots" reason of based on their lifestyle/if they used contraception etc? Because I'm hearing a lot of "abortion is fine if....".

How do they propose this is policed? Do they really think that if you're in the "didn't used contraception so not allowed an abortion" camp that a girl seeking an abortion would be truthful about this? Will she be tested to prove she's telling the truth?

The bottom line is abortion laws as they stand are the only fair, practical and realistic way of ensuring women are safe and protected and that they have true choice over their body and their life.

Thurlow, in the countries with a 12 week limit abortions can still be performed at later stages in certain situations eg there is a risk to the woman's health or FFA etc. I would imagine that situations where a young teenage girl finds out she's pregnant in the second trimester and requests a termination could fall into 'risk to mental health' category and so could be allowed later.

List these excuses to kill a baby at 24 weeks gestation, and I'll tell you whether I think that mother should do her fucking damndest to not extinguish that real life kicking and breathing human being.

A mother can abort because she chose to kill a baby at 24 weeks. That's all the reason she will ever need.

You still don't talk about abortions with a pregnant woman who's had previous miscarriages.

You still don't talk about abortions with a pregnant woman who's had previous miscarriages

Even if the pregnant woman sent a box of gifts and said that she would be there if her friend needed to talk?

And while I'm about it, I don't see why we should all assume Trauma and Regret. Lots of women terminate pregnancies and mainly what they feel is overwhelming relief.

'Fucking feminism' brought in the slogan every child a wanted child. I'm proud to call myself a Fucking Feminist.

mother
"I'm proud to call myself a Fucking Feminist."
Hear hear! Me too

Even if the pregnant woman sent a box of gifts and said that she would be there if her friend needed to talk?

You know there's a difference between talking to a friend that has offered a listening ear, and going up to a pregnant friend unsolicited and insensitively saying "Well, it was only pea sized" when she expresses upset.

Very true senpai. And asking how long it took her to recover from her miscarriage to gauge how long her own recovery would be. It's just very insensitive and inappropriate.

Applauds Oswin

But senpai if the friend thinks she has unconditional support from OP then how is she supposed to know what may or may not upset the OP. It sounds like she's very scared and concerned, I think the "she's insensitive, selfish etc" cries are OTT and unnecessary. And let's not forget she is actually pregnant, probably raging with hormones, and really not thinking straight or of others. It happens, we have selfish unthinking moments in our lives, no more so when we're terrified or anxious

i don't think that adoption justifies killing a developed unborn baby.

what does that even mean? It makes no sense.

Coffee I don't blame you for not going, especially when you were TTC. It sounded like you handled your friends situation well though

There is a lot of debate/disagreement about abortion here. I think the OP was more asking from a personal point of view and was seeing whether others might validate the feelings she was experiencing.
If she found it hard (what her friend was doing) then that is very real and she has very clear reasons why (previous MC and current pregnancy).
Personally I think it sounds like this is hard for her.
Maybe a little more empathy for her might help and how about we don't go too far off the topic ... on who is right or wrong? Just a thought :)

I see your point, anotherbusymum but I do feel the op's original question has been addressed. I gave my opinion on that before going on to debate abortion. It's such an important topic that I think it's inevitable people have strong opinions and want to argue it out.

Threads do tend to evolve.

Do we have to bring adoption into these threads, always? The existence of adoption does not provide a constructive, costfree alternative to abortion, IMO.