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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be upset about her termination?

527 replies

princesspineapple · 09/11/2015 19:47

I'm 21 weeks pregnant, and one of my best friends has just had a termination.
I'm all for pro-choice and it's her body etc etc... But she has basically used this as contraception (they've not used any protection for a year) and I don't really agree with that.
Putting aside my (and everyone's) feelings about her pregnancy choices... AIBU to be upset that she turned to me first in her "time of need"?
I've had MCs in the past, and am over the moon to be pregnant... So am finding it really hard to support her when she says things like "well it's only pea sized" when my little pea is now wriggling away in my belly!
Am I being a bit of an over-emotional pregnant lady and need to buck up and be a better friend, or is she actually being a cow?

OP posts:
MySordidCakeSecret · 10/11/2015 14:15

well if the limit was lowered then it would be handled in exactly the same that it is handled now when women discover their pregnancy or don't want to continue past the limit - they are referred to antenatal care.

MySordidCakeSecret · 10/11/2015 14:15

haha well yes it does get rather tedious emma Grin

MySordidCakeSecret · 10/11/2015 14:17

Everyone holds different opinions and our minds all work in different ways.

Such is the rich tapestry of life and thank god for it otherwise it would boring as hell.

NameChange30 · 10/11/2015 14:18

"the limit was lowered then it would be handled in exactly the same that it is handled now when women discover their pregnancy or don't want to continue past the limit - they are referred to antenatal care."

Ah I see. So anyone unfortunate enough to discover a pregnancy after your arbitrary limit of, say, 12 weeks is forced to be a human incubator against their will for the next ~28 weeks. Or get an illegal abortion. Nice.

CurrerBellend · 10/11/2015 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cerseirys · 10/11/2015 14:20

Well how could there be when they are currently illegal except for those exceptional circumstances? You don't know how many there would be if there were no restrictions. Some argue that there would be no change anyway.

Again, something I'm aware of but as I said I was posting in response to someone who thought there already was an epidemic, and I also thought the actual facts and statistics might make a nice change from the hysterical comments they were making. Not sure how much clearer I can make that but I'm not going to waste time arguing ifs and buts with you.

NameChange30 · 10/11/2015 14:21

"Everyone holds different opinions and our minds all work in different ways."
Ah, where would we be without such pearls of wisdom?! Grin
But seriously. Of course we're all fucking different. That's why we should all have CHOICE and AUTONOMY over our own bodies.

bumbleymummy · 10/11/2015 14:24

Emma, quite a few countries in Europe have a 12 week gestational limit unless the woman's health is at risk or in cases of foetal abnormalities. That may be where the 12 week suggestion was coming from.

MySordidCakeSecret · 10/11/2015 14:25

i know it's getting a lot harder for people Sad although my dp is a builder and there are substantial housing sites popping up everywhere in my area at least.

I'm 23 now so it was a few years back. I know HA is very difficult to secure, i was band b and waited 6 months with no success. We rented but again i know it's difficult going down that road because you need a deposit etc. No it's not easy but there's help and i think it's rare that anyone is left homeless or in temporary accomodation for longer than a very short period. It's not something i've ever been aware of i nearly did go down that route though.

Thurlow · 10/11/2015 14:25

12 weeks is such a low limit though, in terms of discovering you're pregnant. And then the time it takes from realising you're pregnant to being referred to counselling and booking in an appointment for a termination.

Sorry to bring the argument back around to young girls, but in my opinion those are exactly the people who would suffer most from the lowering of the abortion date limit. They could easily miss a period or two before realising, or admitting, what has happened, and then they have barely any time to obtain a legal abortion.

On the flip side, if you are on the Pill you can continue to have periods and again not realise until you are quite considerably pregnant, or if you are breastfeeding and not having periods.

bumbleymummy · 10/11/2015 14:26

I'm not interested in arguing ifs and buts with you either Cerseirys. Just pointing out that there aren't going to be figures showing a huge number of procedures taking place after the legal cut off.

MySordidCakeSecret · 10/11/2015 14:28

"Everyone holds different opinions and our minds all work in different ways."
Ah, where would we be without such pearls of wisdom?! grin

hehehe Grin

Well you're the one going capitals because i hold a different opinion.. it's not a big deal.

MySordidCakeSecret · 10/11/2015 14:30

They could easily miss a period or two before realising, or admitting, what has happened, and then they have barely any time to obtain a legal abortion.

On the flip side, if you are on the Pill you can continue to have periods and again not realise until you are quite considerably pregnant, or if you are breastfeeding and not having periods.

That's why education is so important.

CurrerBellend · 10/11/2015 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NameChange30 · 10/11/2015 14:34

"it's not a big deal"
Sure. A woman's choice and autonomy over her own body is no big deal. Hmm

Thurlow · 10/11/2015 14:36

How does education help if you're on the Pill, it fails, you fall pregnant, you continue to have periods, you don't get overly tired or sick or have any warning signs you're pregnant until your stomach starts growing at 4 months? Confused

SurlyCue · 10/11/2015 14:38

no fucker trumps it's right to life.

The person that has to carry it does.

I'm guessing conscious found "god" at some point after her abortion. She sounds like Iris Robinson. All this guff about "abomination" Hmm

MySordidCakeSecret · 10/11/2015 14:40

So what's your basis for thinking this, and why are these the only problems you highlight? There are huge issues with eg people having to live in unsafe, sub-standard, overcrowded accommodation etc. They need to be talked about too, because it's more likely to be a problem when you're poor, and you're more likely to be poor if you have a baby in your teens.

I have been one of these young, at times single mothers on benefits myself.. I have lived since my late teenage years in areas where many of my neighbours are also and have been young families on benefits and many of my friends have been or still are in that situation.

I find it a bit.. not patronising but condascending for you to tell me we are all living or have lived in this stereotype of accomodation.. it is not the reality i've ever witnessed?

The fact that you mention houses being built locally is indicative of that. Just because they're there doesn't mean they'll be affordable!

For every housing site commisioned there has to by law be a percentage which is allocated to housing association and affordable accomodation. I know this because my dp builds these houses.

I just don't think it's the end of the world, people get through it.

NameChange30 · 10/11/2015 14:41

MySordid
"That's why education is so important."

The more you post, the clearer it becomes that you are ridiculously naive.

As Thurlow rightly points out, no education can teach a woman to realise she's pregnant if she has no recognisable symptoms.

MySordidCakeSecret · 10/11/2015 14:42

Sure. A woman's choice and autonomy over her own body is no big deal.

No emma i said me having a different opinion to you is no big deal.

Thurlow because in sex education classes teenagers should be taught that there can be no symptoms, that you can still have periods or bleeding. They should be taught about contraception and that if they miss/forget or are sick etc then they can go to the gp to access free testing and an early termination which is recommended by the nhs to be before 9 weeks.

MySordidCakeSecret · 10/11/2015 14:44

Is that really common? the coming together of someone forgetting they've had unprotected sex or missed a pill, combined with continued bleeding and no symptoms.. for months? i can think of twice i've heard of it and it's made national news..

MySordidCakeSecret · 10/11/2015 14:45

anotheremma please stop being rude. Of course I am so naive about something that has been significant in mine and my friend's lives.. Hmm

SurlyCue · 10/11/2015 14:49

Would you rather be adopted or killed?

What a stupid question. If you were a foetus that was aborted you would never have known an existence. There would be no loss to you.

MySordidCakeSecret · 10/11/2015 14:52

There is strong evidence to suggest that after 20 weeks a foetus is susceptible to pain. i don't think that adoption justifies killing a developed unborn baby.

Thurlow · 10/11/2015 14:53

No symptoms up until birth is probably very rare.

No symptoms until around 12-14 weeks - so after your new cut off point for terminations? Probably quite common. I certainly know of two women just of my acquaintance who fell pregnant while breastfeeding and went to scans to find out they were well into the 'teens in weeks,

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