...to be upset about her termination?

[princesspineapple]

I'm 21 weeks pregnant, and one of my best friends has just had a termination.
I'm all for pro-choice and it's her body etc etc... But she has basically used this as contraception (they've not used any protection for a year) and I don't really agree with that.
Putting aside my (and everyone's) feelings about her pregnancy choices... AIBU to be upset that she turned to me first in her "time of need"?
I've had MCs in the past, and am over the moon to be pregnant... So am finding it really hard to support her when she says things like "well it's only pea sized" when my little pea is now wriggling away in my belly!
Am I being a bit of an over-emotional pregnant lady and need to buck up and be a better friend, or is she actually being a cow?

yes emma, as i have said i was in very bad circumstances when i became pregnant at 16. I received countless help from some wonderful midwives, nurses and hvs. I received a family nurse to support and prepare from the baby.

Without wanting to start anything else as we know they can claim for income support, housing benefit etc. i received a grant to help financially. there was a lot of charities i was direced to to offer expert advice. Surestart was also a haven of advice, help and company.

so yes there is a lot of support and help.

*sorry for typos - typing with one hand

Yes, I'm also a little bored of this trotted-out scenario, dripping in 1940s pathos, where women's lives are degraded - RUINED - at the prospect of actually living with the consequences of their mistakes or life choices.

I'd get involved in the debate but... what's the point?

If someone is so lacking in empathy they cannot imagine being terrified 16 year old, trying to pretend the pregnancy isn't real because the thought of telling someone is so, so scary, that telling someone would make it real - if they cannot imagine a 16 year old being the child they still are and hoping it would all go away... Well, words fail me, actually.

If someone is so lacking in empathy they cannot imagine being terrified 16 year old, trying to pretend the pregnancy isn't real because the thought of telling someone is so, so scary, that telling someone would make it real - if they cannot imagine a 16 year old being the child they still are and hoping it would all go away... Well, words fail me, actually.

A number of my friends also became pregnant at a young age.. we all got through it fine. Sure it's not easy but in most circumstances it's life and there is help available to support young mums through pregnancy.

None of us wish our children were aborted.

Cerseirys, abortion after 24 weeks is currently illegal unless the child has a severe disability or the mother's life is at risk so of course they are only going to make up a small percentage of abortions - they are rare situations.

Well, rare in comparison to others...

MySordid
"yes emma, as i have said i was in very bad circumstances when i became pregnant at 16. I received countless help from some wonderful midwives, nurses and hvs. I received a family nurse to support and prepare from the baby.

Without wanting to start anything else as we know they can claim for income support, housing benefit etc. i received a grant to help financially. there was a lot of charities i was direced to to offer expert advice. Surestart was also a haven of advice, help and company.

so yes there is a lot of support and help."

Right, so because YOU got lots of support, you think every single woman having a child as a result of an unplanned pregnancy is going to get the same. RIGHT. Because we all know that services are consistently good across the country, with an unlimited amount of funding and benefits that will never run out or be cut by Governments. Not to mention that every father pays child maintenance, every family supports their teenage children through unplanned pregnancy, every teenager is able to cope as a single parent....
Nice cloud cuckoo land you live in, can we come?!

Sordid, that's great. For you. For your friends.

But because you got through it ok, that means every teenage girl who falls pregnant should also continue to have that child?

There's this thing where we are all individuals. Where we all have different wants, desires, wishes, hopes, ambitions and reactions. Which means all girls and women will react differently to an unexpected pregnancy.

For some, having to have a child at 16 will cause untold emotional damage, far more than having a termination will have.

The point it that the choice should be there for women of any age to consider, with medical and emotional support, to make the decision that is right for them.

I'm intrigued, conscious, how your holier than thou moral high horse tallies finding abortion in almost any circumstance a fucking abomination, while jokes about euthanizing older people are apparently hilarious.

boopsy
"I know people who abort probably dont care anyway because they don't want the baby"
That's an ignorant and cruel assumption. Most woman having an abortion take it very seriously. Some woman do find it upsetting - even though they have decided it's the right decision, it's not always easy for them. Of course some women don't have regrets because they see it as a pregnancy/foetus rather than a baby. And I don't judge them. But let's not accuse all women having abortions of being heartless bitches.

I think one of the biggest problems for me is the procedure itself, tiny little living things being burned or dismembered or born alive. Surely a better way could be developed on this day and age to minimise suffering.

Well firstly, the nervous system doesn't develop until sometime after 20 weeks. So there is no suffering.

After this, the mother is given an injection to stop the heart before the termination process begins.

So if you biggest problem is supposed suffering, it looks like you don't have any problems any more. Happy to help.

Correction: most women (not woman)

Not to mention that every father pays child maintenance, every family supports their teenage children through unplanned pregnancy, every teenager is able to cope as a single parent....
Nice cloud cuckoo land you live in, can we come?!

no emma, there's no need to be rude. These are nationwide services and charities. There have been cuts to surestart and legal aid which is bad but there is still support for housing, finances, medical professionals and charities.

Let's see.. out of my school year there were 5 other young girls not including me that became pregnant by 18. All of us got through it, most now have more children, jobs, homes etc and are happy. And i had practically NO family support.

I would confidently say that becoming pregnant at 16/17 (although i think it's less common now?) is NOT the end of the world! girls get through it (unless other circumstances such as abuse/mental health etc)

For some, having to have a child at 16 will cause untold emotional damage, far more than having a termination will have.

The point it that the choice should be there for women of any age to consider, with medical and emotional support, to make the decision that is right for them.

Yes I agree. I just think that the limit should be lowered and it should be done as early as possible.

There should be better education in school regarding contraception and the importance of using the MAP (think it has a new name now?) in event of uncertainty.

Cerseirys, abortion after 24 weeks is currently illegal unless the child has a severe disability or the mother's life is at risk so of course they are only going to make up a small percentage of abortions - they are rare situations.

I'm aware of that, but I posted in response to a PP who was acting like there's some sort of epidemic of 24 week abortions going on.

Of course it's not the end of the world. But whether or not to continue the pregnancy should be the young woman's choice. It shouldn't be forced upon her because it all worked out for you and your friends. That's frankly ridiculous.

I'd like to remind you of my repeatedly stated opinion.

I believe terminations should be readily available to women but this should be done at the first indication of pregnancy and as early as possible. I think the 24 week limit is too high that's the part i have a problem with, because the feotus is developed to a point at which you are destroying a living being with brain function and a heartbeat.

Cerseirys - Well how could there be when they are currently illegal except for those exceptional circumstances? You don't know how many there would be if there were no restrictions. Some argue that there would be no change anyway.

MySordid
"the limit should be lowered and it should be done as early as possible."
Please see my post at 13.19. I asked you about your reasoning for this, and also asked you to consider the possibility of women discovering their pregnancy at a later date (ie after 12 weeks which is the limit you originally suggested).

Currer i'm not talking about buying a house that is obviously a seperate issue and problematic for any young person or family.

There is housing benefit which can be accessed and used to rent houses/housing association properties. I know again from experience that it's not an easy process of course not but it is possible as we know there are many young families housed this way.

"I'd like to remind you of my repeatedly stated opinion."