WIBU to have slapped his face?

[BMW6]

This afternoon a man (mid fifties) in the street said to me "excuse me darlin' but can I tell you you've got really impressive tits"

Without any thought I slapped his face and gave him a raging dressing down - he just stood there stunned looking and mumbled "sorry darlin'" (which enraged me all the more)

I am conflicted - part of me is horrified that I reacted violently, the other part is still fuming and kind of glad I slapped him.

Did I over-react?

but also

t's not ok to sexually harass people and it's not ok to hit people either unless you are truly afraid for your physical safety

I think being sexually harassed is a huge trigger to feel afraid for your physical safety. The man clearly showed he was interested in her body sexually, with little care for wether or not she reciprocated, it's not unlikely that a person like that wouldn't also physically harm their victim

so I take it you think that people who sexually harass women, and think it's fine to, wouldnt also think it's their right to touch her? That this never happens?

I don't know how often a man who shouts 'Nice tits, love!' becomes a physical sexual abuser but I'm sure you have all the studies at your disposal.

Well clearly the OP wasn't that afraid for her physical safety Piper as after slapping him she stood in front of him and gave him a dressing down.

That doesn't sound like someone in fear to me.

Concious if someone approaches you and intimidates and sexually harasses you I don't think it's unreasonable to fear if he will go further and physically hurt you. I don't need studies to figure that one out.

pigs should all women in fear be quivering teary nervous wrecks? Shouting at him doesn't indicate a lack of fear.

Honestly these notions are ridiculously draconian, I can't bear the whole "oh silly over reacting woman" type posts. It's the reason many men get away with sexual harassment and the woman comes out looking bad, it's happened for too long and will continue with these apologist attitudes

No. This is you extrapolating just as you do all over mumsnet. No-one is saying anyone is overreacting. We are telling you that nothing in the OPs description of her slapping the man and then bawling him out demonstrates she was in fear for her physical safety.

Piper No shouting at him doesn't indicate a lack of fear, but had he been inclined to get physically abusive I think it's pretty damned likely he's going retaliate after she slapped him by slapping her back or punching her.

Obviously she didn't fear that he was likely to do either of things otherwise she would surely have run like hell, which seem the sensible and natural thing to do if you are fearful of someone.

Most people wouldn't stand in front of someone they suspect is going to physically assault them and give them a 'ragging dressing down' (her words).

I also think the tone of her OP and the big grin at the end is not indicative of someone who felt traumatised. Like most women, I've had men yell things at me in the street and it's horrible and yes, it does feel threatening.

I had a man expose himself in front of me when we were the only two people in a train carriage (the closed old fashion kind where I couldn't get away until the train stopped at a station) believe me I wouldn't have posted about it on the internet in a jokey way, had the internet existed at the time, and had I been able to I certainly wouldn't have put a big grin at the bottom of the post.

And how the hell do you see 'apologist attitudes' in anything written in the last few post?

Where exactly does it say that we think it acceptable or ever excusable for men to abuse women verbally or physically in any way or circumstances whatsoever.

We're saying the OP didn't seem, from her post, that she was fearful for her physical safety in this instance.

TBH when I go back and read it again and the way it's written I'm beginning to doubt it even actually happened.

Well actually when someone tries to intimidate me I get really angry and that anger has been what has saved me from rape on more than one occasion. So, by the logic of some people here, because I was "frightened", I had no right to defend myself.

Obviously she didn't fear that he was likely to do either of things otherwise she would surely have run like hell, which seem the sensible and natural thing to do if you are fearful of someone.

No, that's not how fight or flight works.

My gut reaction is anger when I'm threatened.

I have been in a fight because someone broke into my house. Believe me when I tell you that you do not "think" in a genuine fight like that, you just "do". If you are to the point of needing to exchange blows, instincts and adrenaline kick in. OP could very well have given an instinctual reaction, then again she might not have. Only she will know.

When I talked about it, I did crack jokes and down play it. A guy broke into my house with the intention of raping me and he was the one who got his ass kicked and was terrorized instead, it's pretty comical schadenfreude in my opinion. I'm not obligated to act the part of a sniveling victim, neither is OP. He's the one that should be somberly reflecting on what happened, not me. You might have taken a flashing seriously, I would have cracked jokes about how tiny his dick was after. Different people react differently.

She was sexually harassed and acted accordingly. Would I recommend hitting someone? Not unless you have to. But do find it pretty comical that he got what was coming to him. He deserved it.

Did she break the law? Technically debatable, depending on why he was within slapping reach in the first place. If he's close enough to be slapped, he was probably a short second away from a grope. If she walked up to him, well he didn't exactly take her serious and back off did he?

Eugh. I detest guys like that and they are nearly always old lechers although a few young ones coming up the ranks of late. The sort who blame Muslims for all our social problems too, the jerks. I'd only say YWBU to hit him because you could get charged with assault. Slimy bastard though ... it must have felt good to sock him one.

It's a good natured compliment. Some people on here need to stop being so up themselves.

Personally I'm revolted by the number of posters who claim to think that physical assault is hilariously funny.

Slapstick is a valid form of humor, and is the one of the first forms of humor children are exposed to. It's not surprising that people would find it funny.

Your repulsion is a bit unfounded and trying just a bit too hard to be self righteous I'm afraid.

you can fuck off as well. You have no idea what you're talking about and you sound like a smug, arrogant, wanker.

Oh please. I've been attacked and sexually assaulted at gun point in my own home if we're playing "The one with the biggest wounds win" game. Do I get to call you names now?

I think you know the difference between systematically controlling and hitting someone who is smaller and weaker than you in a society that disadvantages said person you are hitting... and hitting someone who is bigger and has more power in society, as a one off because he was acting like a toad.

Slapping in this instance was wrong.
There are no ifs and buts. It was wrong.
The OP was not frightened for her safety. The man said something crude to her. She voiced her disgust at what the man said. He apologised,..ok, in a way that OP decided was annoying too because he said 'love'

You have to look at the facts as they happened and not imagine what the man may or may not be because you have no fucking idea apart from what you have made up in your head. You also cannot punish the man for worse things that other men have done.

cactusannie
You are wrong - I have NOT made any of this up, it DID happen just as I described.
I don't know why you would have an issue with my estimate of his age. I am late 50's myself and I imagine anyone would be able to guess my age bracket pretty accuratly with one brief look.

Like most others you think IWBU. Absolutely fine, since I asked the question.

But do not call me a liar. That is way out of order.

Atenco Well actually when someone tries to intimidate me I get really angry and that anger has been what has saved me from rape on more than one occasion. So, by the logic of some people here, because I was "frightened", I had no right to defend myself.

My view exactly. In fact, many self defence experts recommend a more aggressive response to the initial stages of threat as a very effective (although not obviously failsafe) technique to avoid becoming a victim. I'm not sure that cowering and simpering about it being a compliment Bathsheba is very wise, unless you are one of those poor pathetic creatures are so desperate for male attention (usually unforthcoming) that anything is welcome, no matter how potentially dangerous.

From the OP's description, I'd say this man was less interested in "complimenting" and more getting off on breaking social boundaries in a public situation and getting a thrill out of getting away with it.

I have no idea if OP felt physically threatened (if she didn't I missed that post) but I am also talking in general terms - sexual harassment is intimidating and I for one would fear for my physical safety. and on that basis it's ridiculous to say that sexual harassment doesn't put the victim in a position of fear of assault. I think if he victim (OP or otherwise) does fear for it physical safety then a slap is a valid response