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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I know I'm BU but I can't be the only one - queuing etiquette and personal space issues

133 replies

BeverlyGoldberg · 07/11/2015 17:54

Recently I've become quite annoyed when queuing, I move up, and the personal behind me moves up closely behind me so they are practically dry humping me.

This happened in Boots last week, the queue turned a corner and I was almost sat on the shelves by the time she'd finished rear ending me. It happened again today in Sainsbury's cafe queue, normally I'd expect dinner and a bottle of wine before such close proximity. I felt like asking her if she wanted a bite of my sandwich.

It must be me getting over annoyed by this. I have recently been more of a grumpy bastard than usual, I'm blaming the weather.

Am I alone in BU in not wanting to be dry humped from behind in queues?

OP posts:

Caprinihahahaha · 08/11/2015 14:46

If the person in front of you can't turn around without you touching them then you are standing right in the crack of their arse. How can that be excessive?

Seriously . I'm not being sarcastic. How can standing so close to somebody that they cannot move without touching you be ok?

Sparklingbrook · 08/11/2015 14:48

I know I'm BU but I can't be the only one - queuing etiquette and personal space issues

MillieMoodle · 08/11/2015 15:03

I can't stand it when people stand too close. Or when they start loading the conveyor belt too early. I am too much of a doormat to say anything most of the time.
Fortunately I usually have my forthright DH with me who won't hesitate to say something. He's very polite (usually) but doesn't hold back. And he's quite big and usually wears a baseball cap so I think sometimes people are a bit intimidated. They usually do as they're asked though!

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 08/11/2015 15:12

You need to be able to mcve, yes, but turning round takes a lot more space. I wouldn't expect to be able to turn tound in a queue.

ChiefInspectorBarnaby · 08/11/2015 15:22

Whoknows I would expect to be able to turn round as that's my personal space. What if I need to turn round? I don't want a snog with the person behind me when doing so. Unless it's Daniel Craig.

Caprinihahahaha · 08/11/2015 15:24

[boggle]

You really wouldn't expect to be able to turn through 180 degrees in a queue?

Seriously - I'm sorry but that's weird.

DontHaveAUsername · 08/11/2015 15:25

Just turn round and say they are a bit close if it bothers you?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 08/11/2015 15:28

Surely you just then say "excuse me" to the person behind you? I don't want to get into an argument over this, but I clearly don't need as much personal space as a lot of ypu. I don't go pressing myself up to people's backs, most queues I'm in seem to be naturally regulated by trolleys and baskets, but it really doesn't bother me in the slightest if someone brushes against me in a queue. How do you all cope in thise scenarios you get in places like theatres where there's s massive queue for the ladies loo and everyone is squashed up together with other people squeezing past to get out?

DontHaveAUsername · 08/11/2015 15:31

If your DH is "intimidating" people that's not something to be proud of really. Although it just seems like they are responding in kind because he has been polite with them so they are returning that courtesy.

Caprinihahahaha · 08/11/2015 15:33

Sure. I do just turn around and say 'could you climb out of my arse'

Of course there are sometimes queues where there is a volume and a press of people and I think most people just suck that up.
The thread wasn't about queues always being intolerable. It was about why people feel the need to press close to you when there is no pressing [pun] need.

I don't give a toss and will ask people. But a fair few people - in particular those with asd - dislike being touched. Forcing yourself into close proximity with others is actually quite rude. Why do it when the circumstances don't make it vital .

KathyBeale · 08/11/2015 16:03

Do we think people who stand too close in queues also drive too close to the car in front?

And I agree about people not moving on public transport. And at the cinema last week, in a row of four seats, a mum and her daughter had sat on the seats closest to the aisle leaving the two near the wall free. I said excuse me so we could sit down and the mum basically picked up her handbag and that was it. I think she was expecting me to clamber over her. I just said: 'yeah, you're going to have to move.' How stupid do you have to be to think a 5'8", size 16 woman, can fit in a gap previously occupied by a handbag?

BobandKate0 · 08/11/2015 16:07

My personal gripe is on the train - people not noticing that you are about to get off and moving their legs/bags out of the way.
I do the usual clues holding bag and ticket,looking out of window,little cough etc - i can always tell who is getting off at each stop why can't everyone else.
Its called zanshin .

Sparklingbrook · 08/11/2015 16:08

Yes, I think the close queuers are probably tailgaters too, it's all tied up with the 'getting it done quicker' thing.

Caprinihahahaha · 08/11/2015 16:10

Yes. If you press yourself up against the person/car in front, everything will happen quicker. It's a Dr a Who thing.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 08/11/2015 16:36

Now this definitely isn't me. I might not mind people standing close to me in queues but I definitely do not tailgate and I always anticipate people needing to get past me to get off the bus, out of cinema seats etc and make as much space for them as I can.

amazingtracy · 08/11/2015 16:58

I had a cheeky bint swan in front of me in Primark just as I was setting my bargains on the counter. No eye contact, no excuse me-nothing. I picked up her clothes and handed them back to her. She just kept repeating 'I'm in a hurry' in a shocked voice. I just kept answering 'I can't allow you-you didn't ask' each time.
Usually I come up with the perfect response 10 minutes after the fact!

I doubly hate it when I have someone practically sitting on my shoulder when putting my PIN in the machine, I just stop what I doing and do face until they move away.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 08/11/2015 17:14

I've never noticed this (or not so badly I can remember it) but looking at Sparkling's picture up there, does that really mean any less than 1.65 metres and I am too close?!

Seriously, I'm large but how flipping large are you lot?! So long as a person isn't deliberately touching me I'm fine. Different if they're face to face as I'd like them a little further back but about a legs stride away is about right.

reni2 · 08/11/2015 17:39

I think that's 1.2m, Felicia, starts at person. But that would be in a hall or a field, in a queue or on a train I imagine it's necessary to be closer.

But the 45cm personal space should not be broken, this would incidentally leave room to turn, any less and I get really stressed, even in a rammed tube, that is just what makes rush hour so stressful. It's just really threatening to stand closer than this when not forced.

Scremersford · 08/11/2015 18:28

I would say if you can be hit in the face by someone's long hair, or stamped on by them taking a small step back, or hit by their bag if they swing it back onto their shoulder, you are too close.

None of the above has ever happened to me, but I've done it to a few people. I don't really understand why people can't work this out, its not difficult!

TiredButFineODFOJ · 08/11/2015 18:44

I just turn side on. It takes up more space if you're as fat as me holding a basket, bags of shopping etc plus you can look them in the eye.
YY to men having to walk in front but in the train or tube station or crowded street full of commuters. They seem to be the ones who need to overtake on the inside by squeezing through a gap of less than 5 cm, basically I'm forever getting people men it is always men tripping me from behind barging a non- existent gap to get ahead of me as they are in a hurry, but not enough of a hurry to just walk round the otherside where there is space

Weathergames · 08/11/2015 18:45

YANBU - I HATE this ....

MillieMoodle · 08/11/2015 18:58

Donthave - I didn't say DH was intentionally intimidating people. I said sometimes I think they might feel a bit intimidated, just because he's quite big. It's just an observation; in the past, when I have politely asked people to move, I've been met with a mouthful of abuse (on more than one occasion) which is why I don't say anything now. I'm quite short, look young for my age and don't like confrontation. He's never had that response from anyone and I suspect it's because he's quite big and wears a baseball cap a lot. Or maybe I was just unlucky. Who knows?

Senpai · 08/11/2015 19:08

Yeah, a guy behind me yesterday was right on top of me while playing with my daughter to the point I wanted to move from the front of the trolly to the side.

On one hand, he was keeping my cranky gremlin toddler entertained and happy in a long line. On the the other... I should be able to move my elbows a bit without fear of bumping someone. It like trading one annoyance for another.

I ended just moving to the back of the trolly to "get ready to load the food" and left them both to it, probably invading the person in front's personal space.

popcornpaws · 08/11/2015 19:12

Dementedma, I am also from Central Scotland and like you can't imagine any of these scenarios happening here, maybe its because they know they would be told to piss off and get out my space?

Senpai · 08/11/2015 19:17

MillieMoodle DH is unintentionally intimidating to people too. He just has a bad combination of resting bitch face and doesn't shy away from eye contact so he comes off as aggressive confrontational. He's also very direct. If he saw someone who needed help, he'd step in without thinking, but he won't let people take the piss either.

I don't think I've had a problem with people moving for me when asking. But I also grew up in a family full of giants, so people have never physically intimidated me.

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