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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I'm BU but I can't be the only one - queuing etiquette and personal space issues

133 replies

BeverlyGoldberg · 07/11/2015 17:54

Recently I've become quite annoyed when queuing, I move up, and the personal behind me moves up closely behind me so they are practically dry humping me.

This happened in Boots last week, the queue turned a corner and I was almost sat on the shelves by the time she'd finished rear ending me. It happened again today in Sainsbury's cafe queue, normally I'd expect dinner and a bottle of wine before such close proximity. I felt like asking her if she wanted a bite of my sandwich.

It must be me getting over annoyed by this. I have recently been more of a grumpy bastard than usual, I'm blaming the weather.

Am I alone in BU in not wanting to be dry humped from behind in queues?

OP posts:
dementedma · 07/11/2015 19:20

Where is all this closeness happening? I'm in Central Scotland and have never known this happen....thankfully

DrDreReturns · 07/11/2015 19:20

My DM once had someone behind her in a supermarket queue who decided to start emptying their trolley on to the conveyer belt before my DM had loaded hers on.

This happens to me all the time. It really annoys me, I just don't understand it. You can see I've got loads of stuff left to put on the conveyer - just wait a bit. You'll have ample time to load your shit afterwards.

hefzi · 07/11/2015 19:20

Wear a mini rucksack, and sway yourself from side to side so that they get a noseful (sorry: I know a PP said they hate this - I only give someone a face full of rucksack if they are too damn close). My new trick, though, as I am trying to be grown-up and use a handbag, is to turn round, apologise profusely, and say that I am afraid that having someone stand so close is liable to set off my uncontrollable tics, so I am pre-emptively apologising just in case I accidentally land them one in the face... (I do have uncontrollable tics - but they are facial, not involved with swinging fists :-) )

bertsdinner · 07/11/2015 19:20

I do the same as a previous poster and use my gigantic handbag to block them. I like the feeling of impotent outrage vibes I get from them, like the woman in Debenhams this week, who tutted as she was frustrated when my luggage sized bag stopped her from crawling up my ass. ( ok, I may have given her a bit of a nudge with it).

I was once paying at a self service till in Tesco and this girl dumped her basket down and just stared at me. Didn't make me shift any faster though.

Crazypetlady · 07/11/2015 19:21

I hate feeling edged out as I pay as well so infuriating.

VulcanWoman · 07/11/2015 19:22

Custard, what did you do about the Man on the bus in India?

Wrcgirl · 07/11/2015 19:25

I hate it when people stand too close in a queue.

However rather than have my 2yr old scream she wants to get out all the way round the shop and at self service, I let her help get the shopping and scan.
I use self service because I got fed up of people inpatient in the queue behind trying to get the cashier to scan their shopping while I'm still trying to get my shopping in the pram round a grumpy toddler.

PiperChapstick · 07/11/2015 19:27

And I particularly notice it on the way home from work with men, who don't appear to be able to cope with a woman walking in front of them (MUST BE AHEAD OF THE WOMAN) and have to walk up behind me, overtake, and then force me to slow down as I actually walk quite fast because I'm tall with long legs and there was no need for them to overtake me in the first place.

I've mentioned this before to DH and he says he does it as he thinks it might be quite intimidating for a man to be walking closely behind a woman so tries to get in front in an "I'm not an attacker" kind of way Hmm

BreakfastAtStephanies · 07/11/2015 19:31

When this happens to me at the self service till I make sure I spend aeons and aeons looking through my purse for any relevant coupons and vouchers and scanning all those off. I may have packed my bags but I'm not ready to pay yet, oh no. Back Off B**ch !

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/11/2015 19:31

munkisocks
"Admiral, you should put your crutch down on their toes if too close"

Having mis-read that it is probably a good thing that I went back and found admiral's post :)

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/11/2015 19:33

and OP YANBU

putcustardonit · 07/11/2015 19:34

Vulcan I shuffled around & scowled a lot and he took them back looking embarrassed. Of course I didn't actually say anything as a stupid, repressed Englishwoman abroad way Blush

Garlick · 07/11/2015 19:39

Putcustardonit, I once fell asleep on the man next to me on a very long bus journey. When the bus stopped for services (about 6 hours), he told me he'd been careful not to move in case I woke up suddenly and was frightened. I was mortified! Apologised effusively, we got off the bus and stretched our legs, got back on ... and I fell asleep on him again Blush He had a very comfy shoulder.

What did you do about Indian foot bloke?

I tell men who do it that any closer and we'll have to get married.

Love this! I'm equal opportunities, I'm nicking it for use with women as well Grin

tibbawyrots · 07/11/2015 19:39

And I particularly notice it on the way home from work with men, who don't appear to be able to cope with a woman walking in front of them (MUST BE AHEAD OF THE WOMAN) and have to walk up behind me, overtake, and then force me to slow down as I actually walk quite fast because I'm tall with long legs and there was no need for them to overtake me in the first place.

I've mentioned this before to DH and he says he does it as he thinks it might be quite intimidating for a man to be walking closely behind a woman so tries to get in front in an "I'm not an attacker" kind of way

No, just someone who wants to get in front so they can lie in wait for you... Confused to be fair men can't win in this scenario, can they?!

BreakfastAtStephanies · 07/11/2015 19:40

Sparkling - you know that was probably assault ? What a git he was

SistersOfPercy · 07/11/2015 19:41

I recall being in the queue for a carvery once (a roped queue) and DH had a woman up his arse. He stopped dead. The kids and I slowly moved forward in the queue and DH just didn't move. She couldn't go around him because of the ropes and when the gap got to about six foot he took a solitary step and stopped dead causing her to rush forward and clatter in to him. At which point he smilingly turned around and said 'I'm sorry, was I in your way?' Her face was glowing with anger by the time she got to the meat. She didn't get anywhere any quicker so quite why she felt the need to be that close.

I step back, swing my hair, swing my handbag etc. Really does piss me off.

tibbawyrots · 07/11/2015 19:43

The last time someone shuffled up to my bum when I was paying, I turned the card machine to them and said, "thank you" cue Confused look and I said, "sorry, I thought that as you came up so close that you wanted to pay for my shopping!"

They backed up.

I do take steps back in the queue unexpectedly and have been known to drop a monstrous SBD fart.

I used to take this shit but then I did an assertiveness course. Grin

VulcanWoman · 07/11/2015 19:46

Custard, at least you got him to move them in the end, I know what you mean though, I was on a bus in Italy backpacking with a couple of friends, there was a perv on the bus, so we just got off the next stop instead of saying something. I think in a lot of these situations they catch you off guard and you just aren't expecting it. Shock

KathyBeale · 07/11/2015 19:56

(not sure how to quote!)

"And I particularly notice it on the way home from work with men, who don't appear to be able to cope with a woman walking in front of them (MUST BE AHEAD OF THE WOMAN) and have to walk up behind me, overtake, and then force me to slow down as I actually walk quite fast because I'm tall with long legs and there was no need for them to overtake me in the first place.

I've mentioned this before to DH and he says he does it as he thinks it might be quite intimidating for a man to be walking closely behind a woman so tries to get in front in an "I'm not an attacker" kind of way

No, just someone who wants to get in front so they can lie in wait for you... confused to be fair men can't win in this scenario, can they?!"

They could win by just walking a normal distance behind me and not feeling the need to tread on my heels. It's not hard.

Sparklingbrook · 07/11/2015 20:29

Do you think so Breakfast? I have gone over it a few times, it was so quick and I was so shocked. I guess in some bizarre way he thought he was being helpful?
I hope I would deal with it a bit differently should it happen again.

kawliga · 07/11/2015 21:08

(sorry: I know a PP said they hate this - I only give someone a face full of rucksack if they are too damn close)

If a step back puts your rucksack in their face, they are definitely too damn close. The pp who said she hates this must be standing too damn close to the people in front of her.

The person in front should have enough space to take a small step back with everything they are carrying without hitting the person behind. If the bag in front of you hits you, you are too close, take a step back!! What is wrong with people?

reni2 · 07/11/2015 21:25

It really is a personal space thing, I sometimes get it sitting down somewhere too. I saw this bum coming towards me and landing on my lap once the tube. The owner of the bum was quite affronted when he felt me underneath his cheek, but there simply wasn't room to seat a toddler let alone a grown man.

Some basic physical laws seem unclear to some people, two solid objects cannot occupy the same space.

Cicero7 · 08/11/2015 03:19

I'm glad I am not alone in this aversion to people coming up too close and personal.
i also use the barrier trick. If in a supermarket, I put my basket on the floor behind me and if people get so close that they trip over it, then it's their fault for being so clumsy; also the large swinging bag or swinging scarf routine help.
Airports are definitely the worst though, where I shuffle forwards slowly or move a foot or two before I move my suitcase which is naturally behind me not in front.
Also, glaring at people is quite effective.
And yes, most of my shopping is from trusty Ocado where I avoid all this proximity to my fellow (wo)man.

feezap · 08/11/2015 07:29

YANBU! I hate this, and I'm so pleased I am not alone Smile

And why is it that these people who want to be so close to you always seem to have a hacking cough and or sneeze all over you?

It. Drives. Me. Mad.

sciaticasucks · 08/11/2015 07:47

I can't bear these people either...and I put them into the same category as those who stride up to a lift and press the button when you have clearly been waiting a while...having already pressed the -illuminated- button.
Freaks, the lot of 'emHmm

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