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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think children aren't that fussed about the size of their house?

133 replies

UterusUterusGhali · 05/11/2015 11:57

Had an interesting discussion with my BF last night.

He is adamant it's cruel to have children if you aren't able to give them their own room and loads of space etc.

I think you can be poor and live in a small house still be happy.

BF grew up in a large Georgian town house with 6 bedrooms, a library etc.
I grew up in a council house.
BF thinks it's odd that my boys share a bedroom. (He has no DC)
I've said that lots of families live like this, but he thinks overcrowding causes MH issues. Hmm

AIBU thinking kids don't mind living in a cosy home, as long as their needs are met?

OP posts:
Imogentlasting · 06/11/2015 12:41

I shared with my older sister until she left home. It did cause a lot of rows and arguments when we were in our teens, but it didn't kill us. I'm sure my parents often wished they could give us separate rooms for the sake of peace and quiet, but I don't think it would ever have been a major consideration in considering the number of children they wanted.
The 'cruelty' implication is very silly. When I was a child it wasn't unusual for 3 or 4 children to share a bedroom.

Mumsmet · 22/01/2022 19:05

My BF used to belittle my rented home. I gave it up, moved into his home and married him and he's been financially controlling ever since. Currently trying to divorce him....

safclass · 22/01/2022 20:39

I was one of 4 kids in a 3 bed terrace. Brother had the very small box room and me and 2 sisters (1 older 1 younger shared). I think we spent so much time playing out etc you didn't need your separate space as much. Bedroom was pretty much for sleeping in, occasionally played in it, whereas now it's also a 'daytime' room.
Never had issues sharing, and as siblings grew up and moved out, I ended up living at home and sharing with my son (teen mum).
I worked out that I was around 30 when I slept in a room on my own for the very first time 😲 when my husband went on a school residential! Much prefer sharing!

TheSnowyOwl · 22/01/2022 20:43

I wouldn’t want older children sharing if it could be helped. At the moment, two of mine share because they want to but that has worked out well for us as it means we’ve been able to have two offices and a play room for the pandemic. Once they stop sharing, we’ll have to rethink the layout of the house.

CamomileTeabag · 22/01/2022 20:53

Children don't generally mind sharing. Teenagers might though, especially if their friends have their own rooms.
DD does have her own room but has changed schools for 6th form and is now going to a school in a much wealthier area and I think it's become clear to her that our [albeit cosy & pretty] home is pretty modest compared to most of her new friends.

Mumsmet · 22/01/2022 21:10

Sorry, I think I have resurrected an old post.

Wavypurple · 22/01/2022 21:13

‘Cruel’ is an interesting choice of words Hmm

Longcovid21 · 22/01/2022 21:15

It's not about the size of the house but the atmosphere in it. My dcs lived in a big house with a terrible atmosphere when me and their dad were together, now we live in a small, warm cozy house with just me and them. I'd love to live in a bigger place but the former would have been worse long term.

x2boys · 22/01/2022 21:19

This is just a privilege of those who can afford several bedrooms
We live in a small two bedroom house with two children ,my oldest has his own bedroom because his brother has severe autism and learning disabilities it's not fair on him to share the main bed room is huge and we have split it up so my youngest has his own space obviously I would love an extra bedroom but you do what you can

ecoanxiety · 22/01/2022 21:21

my daughter has her own room finally
After years of living in a tiny flat sharing with her brothers.
guess where she sleeps now? in her brothers bed. many siblings are the same. Teen years will change but he's a plonker! sharing is fun.

JigglyPiggly · 22/01/2022 21:21

Christ

Who redirected this zombie

3Daddy31982 · 22/01/2022 21:24

I studied housing at Uni. Your fella is technically correct smaller spaces do impact on mental health.

Longcovid21 · 22/01/2022 21:44

studied housing at Uni. Your fella is technically correct smaller spaces do impact on mental health.

What are your references and how does itvintersect with other variables such as domestic violence poverty etc?

NumberTheory · 22/01/2022 22:37

The importance of space will vary from child to child and depend on other circumstances too.

Having a room of ones own is nowhere near the top of the list of what makes for a good childhood, but I do think it can make it a fair bit easier for parents to create a more harmonious home life.

Saracen · 22/01/2022 23:07

Depends on the kids. My youngest slept with us until she was six because I thought the eldest would like the privacy - but once they started sharing, they were very happy together, and the eldest confessed to having been lonely at night before! Then we moved when they were 15 and 8. I thought the teen would be delighted to have their own room. Both decided to keep sharing! (That lasted two years, until the teen preferred a private room in which to chat on the phone with their boyfriend late at night.)

Another family we know had THREE children who all preferred sleeping in the same room together until the eldest was about 12, though at least one additional bedroom was on offer.

However, I do know several families who have major problems with insufficient bedrooms, because their special-needs children find it too stressful to share, or are often awake at night and would disturb siblings too much.

3Daddy31982 · 22/01/2022 23:17

There was a minimum sq footage for homes set in the 1953 Housing act. In England, we have now the smallest sq footage of 71.2. The smaller a property the higher the decline in mental health.

DV occurs whether you live in a hen run or buck House.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 23/01/2022 11:54

I think most children do appreciate and thrive on having their own space. Even if that’s a bedroom cleverly divided so they can arrange their own possessions and clothes, design their private space. Even more important when they reach puberty and start wanting privacy.

From a practical sense it’s easier when they’re ill too, as they can rest in bed without infecting their sibling(s).

You can still have a decent size house and plenty of cosy family rooms. If you make them feel welcome they’re less likely to escape to their rooms.

I also think children benefit from having their own bathroom (even if shared with siblings) as they can keep their own products, towels, toothbrushes etc in there and learn to keep it clean when old enough. As a child I hated having one bathroom that we all shared (despite a downstairs loo). There was always a queue for the bath/shower, no time to relax in there or do hair/make up when older. Warnings about using too much hot water! Nightmare trying to get ready for school/work all at the same time.

We now have 3 bathrooms upstairs, all with showers, and there’s never any fighting or telling people to hurry even when we have guests.

But we waited until we could afford a 5-bed house before having more than one child.

thegreenlight · 23/01/2022 12:15

£190k for a 4 bed! Where I live (crappy midlands town) it’s £400k+ for an extended semi! We have had this debate - I think space, DH thinks expendable income. We have a 3 bed so enough for our 2 children (they share at present through choice) but the other room is a box. We have been contemplating extending but it would only make the box room slightly bigger at great expense. We have scope to build a garden room to replace existing outbuildings so may make that a teen hang out and not bother making the bedroom bigger. I had my own room as a child and really cherished the privacy, but I feel I may be projecting!

Longcovid21 · 23/01/2022 14:12

The smaller a property the higher the decline in mental health.

What rubbish!

Grapewrath · 23/01/2022 15:19

We’ve always had more children than bedrooms. We made use of ours bedroom and put another bed on there during my eldests exams to give her space and my youngest one thought it was a great adventure. My eldest is now a successful adult so it clearly hasn’t harmed her.
I think children would like a big bedroom and a large garden and of course there are benefits, but essentially it won’t make a difference to their outcomes.
My three kids all shared a room until my eldest was 10 and they still talk about it positively now

Grapewrath · 23/01/2022 15:21

Also I work in children’s mental health and let me assure you there is no correlation between house size and children’s emotional well-being. Obviously severe overcrowding can be stressful but not in the respect of sharing a room. How ridiculous.

Longcovid21 · 23/01/2022 18:12

I also think children benefit from having their own bathroom (even if shared with siblings) as they can keep their own products, towels, toothbrushes etc in there and learn to keep it clean when old enough.

Oh please grow up!

MyQuietPlace · 23/01/2022 19:04

You BF must have been very privileged indeed - 6 bedrooms! I've never known anyone with that many bedrooms.

I grew up in a terraced house - mum and dad in one rooms, 3 brothers in another, me in the attic. We had no heating (coal fires only), no bathroom, no indoor toilet (it was in a shed outside), no carpets - lino only. No washing machine, fridge, freezer, telephone, car. I'm 62 and it certainly didn't worry me.

DockOTheBay · 23/01/2022 19:10

@Longcovid21

The smaller a property the higher the decline in mental health.

What rubbish!

Ever think there could be a correlation but not causation. E.g. People in very small houses are more likely to be in poverty and poverty leads to MH issues. Not the house directly.
3Daddy31982 · 23/01/2022 19:45

@Longcovid21

The smaller a property the higher the decline in mental health.

What rubbish!

It's sadly true, a smaller space does impact negatively on a person's mental health.
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