AIBU to think children aren't that fussed about the size of their house?

[UterusUterusGhali]

Had an interesting discussion with my BF last night.

He is adamant it's cruel to have children if you aren't able to give them their own room and loads of space etc.

I think you can be poor and live in a small house still be happy.

BF grew up in a large Georgian town house with 6 bedrooms, a library etc.
I grew up in a council house.
BF thinks it's odd that my boys share a bedroom. (He has no DC)
I've said that lots of families live like this, but he thinks overcrowding causes MH issues.

AIBU thinking kids don't mind living in a cosy home, as long as their needs are met?

It is cold and wet and dark and miserable for large parts of the year in my part of Scotland. Outside space in the form of private garden in need of constant upkeep is of questionable benefit. Can you tell I'm sitting looking at the rain?

I shared a room until I was late teens. I don't remember getting un/dressed ever being an issue - I can't even remember what we did.

Maybe I got dressed while my sister was in the bathroom? Or maybe I shut the door and so she knew not to open it when I was getting dressed and vice versa. Maybe she was already asleep when I came to bed?

I really have no recollection, (which probably shows how much of a non-issue it was).

I think most children benefit from having their own space. They need privacy, quite time for homework and have individual tastes and their rooms should reflect that.

I'm with your boyfriend, I'd rather have less children and more space and time than a crowded house with little time.

If ds who has severe asd and doesn't sleep had to share with a sibling, it would be very unfair on him and the sibling. Generally sharing with one sibling is ok.

I shared with two siblings and I think that was overcrowding.

While I shared a room with my brothers, dressing wasn't a problem. When we were small we shared baths and got into pjs in the bathroom (house drafty and only paraffin heaters in rooms). I still don't remember dressing being an issue when we were older either, but mum put me in the tiny bedroom when I was 10/11 but I think even then we were pretty free about wandering in and out of each others' rooms. Turn a back, grab something to drape around you if we felt like it.

No real awkwardness or embarrassment until well into puberty, and that includes when my or brothers' mates were round.

I'm not a nudist as an adult. I'm nothing like as free and easy as my upbringing might imply! I seem to be pretty normal in that regard, don't like communal changing rooms in shops, swimming baths etc. Don't wander round naked at home embarrassing dd's friends. Now, there's a thought ....

I hated sharing and we never had enough space downstairs. I wouldn't have said it was cruel though, we had a happy childhood. All except the youngest left home in our teens, so we didn't hang around .
Since having Dc they've had their own room, so of course they always wanted to share when younger and thought it so exciting to have sleepovers in each other's rooms! Now they are teens we have a bigger house and they have their own den with TV etc that they can hang out with friends. We all get our own space.

I think there are two separate issues at play.

A family living in poverty, in over-crowded, chaotic conditions, sharing a room because they have to, well beyond the age most children/people would expect to be sharing a room.

And then those who are perhaps still sharing because they have to, but it's a loving environment, and those sharing because they want to, even though there is plenty of space.

The former's more likely to be detrimental. The latter nowhere near as much. There is nothing inherently damaging about sharing space, especially if it's in the context of a healthy, loving, family environment.

Children certainly are fussed about the size of the house once they are above a certain age. Most would much prefer to have a room to themselves. That said, two sharing is hardly overcrowding.
Some children wouldn't like to live in a house like the one your BF grew up in either though. I always hated the fact that my parent's very big six bedroom house was larger than everyone elses. I was really embarrassed by it and thought twice before inviting people around..

My two currently share a room even though they don't need to. They're 6&3 (boy and girl). In a couple of years we will split them up
They love it, we love it. They get lonely at night so keep each other company. I like hearing them giggle and plot when they wake up!

I shared with my brother until old enough to need my own space. Dh also shared until he left him. Did us no harm!

When I was 11 in 1962 I was friends with a boy who lived in the next street he was the oldest of 11 boys and he had 2 older sisters and then one younger one. The house had 4 bedrooms, one living room, one bathroom and a small kitchen.

Really interesting, mixed responses!

I'm doing the BF an injustice; I'm not sure he said "cruel", I'm paraphrasing tbh. He said it would be unfair on the other children but thought it very odd that I wasn't bothered that they do share atm. He wouldn't consider having a child without a room each.

I do worry about when they're older and smellier and want, ahem, privacy.

We are pretty close; the boys get into my bed. When we're in the living room we all squeeze onto one sofa although there are two. The children love camping as we're all together. (Even the teenage girl gets into it eventually.)

I know someone who lives in a small 2 bed house with 4 kids. They were desperate to move to a bigger house but didn't want to pay for it so tried to swindle the husband's elderly parents house off them. Luckily his brother realised and put a stop to it.

IME primary school children are largely oblivious to the size and spec' of houses. They certainly couldn't care less about soft furnishings or paint colours.

We have spent years carefully renovating and tastefully (well, I think so) decorating our 5 bed Georgian house. Both DDs have a large bedroom each and their own, large, shared bathroom and den/playroom.

Yet they are totally uninterested in their home. They are far, far more impressed by a friend's house (average, 3 bed, new build), and consider it far more 'posh' than theirs because it has a fitted TV in the bathroom and twirly bar stools in the kitchen.

I don't think children mind; I think teenagers do, though.

Our present home is small and a little cramped and my girls will share (still in with me at the moment) but I'd certainly want them to have their own rooms by the time they are secondary age.

Depends on the kids. If they don't want to share, then it's very important for them to have their own rooms. I would never make them share if they weren't happy with it.

Sometimes there's no choice though.

I'm only 40 and when I was growing up everyone I knew shared a bedroom with their siblings if they were the same sex. No one thought anything of it. And I didn't go to school in an area where people lived in small houses, very much the opposite. I'm trying hard to think of a friend from school who didn't share a bedroom and I am struggling. The only one I can think of was a friend who was an only child. But she was the only person I knew who was an only child, so she really stood out.

I know plenty of people didn't like it, but I'm not sure I would go so far as to say that it actively damaged their mental health. If that were the case, almost everyone of my generation and older would have suffered terribly through their childhoods.

Many years ago whole families used to share one room, I'm sure most weren't mentally damaged as a result. Having a room each is a nice luxury, great if you have the room, but not the end of the world if not.

Ut, many men don't want children until forced into it, so the boyfriend saying he won't have children until not only are your existing children housed but the new one could be is really just him saying no babies.

Nah, Deo, he wants babies. Just not with me I think.
There's a bit of a back story to what sparked the debate, but that's another thread. :(

I did both and liked both. And I agree with the poster who said everyone has to suck it up.

Children usually don't mind. Sharing as teens is a different story. I had to share with DB until I was fourteen, and to make matters worse I was used to having my own room at DF's. I.m.o. that was absolutely neglectful, but stepfather was abusive so it wasn't much better when we weren't sharing. Also not so much a male/female issue there as general privacy.

I think it was assumed that as a girl I would not be masturbating. (As it happened, I was a prude at that age.) Had this out with DM a few years ago when I questioned why she'd started knocking before entering DB's room but never mine. (He's younger. I was 19!)

In spite of the above, I couldn't be with someone who judges me openly over something like this.