AIBU to think children aren't that fussed about the size of their house?

[UterusUterusGhali]

Had an interesting discussion with my BF last night.

He is adamant it's cruel to have children if you aren't able to give them their own room and loads of space etc.

I think you can be poor and live in a small house still be happy.

BF grew up in a large Georgian town house with 6 bedrooms, a library etc.
I grew up in a council house.
BF thinks it's odd that my boys share a bedroom. (He has no DC)
I've said that lots of families live like this, but he thinks overcrowding causes MH issues.

AIBU thinking kids don't mind living in a cosy home, as long as their needs are met?

I think that there is a minimum amount of space that children need- their own bed (not necessarily bedroom), a space at the dinner table, a space on the sofa and a space where their clothing and toys are kept.

Outdoor space is a bonus (although a park or other safe outdoor area is also great).

It's not possible for everyone to just move to a bigger house!!

I have three DC age 6, 8 and 10. They all share a room. This is their choice!! We have four bedrooms, so at least one of them could have their own room, or if we gave up the spare room they could each have their own room. But they prefer to share!

I'm sure it won't last forever (they're a mix of sexes too) but for now I think it's sweet.

Personally, I would always want to give my children their own rooms, or the option of their own rooms, once they got to about 8 or 9. Had we not have had a 4 bedroom house, or the scope to create or purchase a 4 bedroom house, within that timeframe I think we'd have stopped at 2 children. I don't know for certain, though, as we live in a fairly cheap area (our 4 bed detached with 3 reception rooms in an outstanding secondary catchment was £190k this year). It's fortunate that we do, as my 'need' for a third child was a very real burning desire and I don't know how easily I'd have reconciled not having my much wanted third baby with the realities of housing them.

Of course your expectations and hopes for your own children are heavily influenced by your own childhood: I also think space overall is more important than bedrooms, so somewhere quiet to do homework and a garden or, at a push, very nearby park would go an awfully long way to making up for sharing a room!

Your BF IBVU to call it cruel though - his views are clearly at the extreme end of the scale!

I would plan how many children I had based on the number of bedrooms we could afford.

We always had our two DS in the same room and we turned the other bedroom into a second living room / study for them to use. That worked very well. All you should do in a bedroom is sleep, so we had bunks in the smallest room for them and their living space was a double bedroom size. I don't think it massively mattered to them - they've never mentioned it.

I grew up in a very big house - 6 bed, 3 bath, study, two living rooms, large kitchen, morning room, conservatory etc and that was fab, but unaffordable for DH and I so we made the best of what we were able to buy. He and I now live alone in quite a big 3 bed terrace (three double beds) and we wouldn't want to downsize.

My happiest times in childhood were the years I got the box room and my younger sister and brother shared. My parents decided it was more appropriate for me and my sister to share and my younger brother to have the box room when I was ten, but none of us were happy with that. For a good couple of years after, my brother used to come in to our room in the night and then I'd go into his room.

Sorry to hear that, ghosty. Thanks for replying.

I wonder about this more than most. Due to some very bad luck my 2 children (age 13 and 10) and I share a very small flat, including sharing 1 bedroom. This was meant to be a short term arrangement, but we have been stuck with it for a while.
Most of the time it is fine. We have always gone out a lot, as the children have loads of interests, and the time spent at home is largely spent curled up on the sofa having family time watching TV or whatever. I leave the bedroom to the children during the day, and they chill out there. But it's a pity that there is only one family room, with the kitchen being open plan to the lounge diner, which severely limits the options for having some time away from the rest of the family! On the other hand, you can always pop out for a walk, or go to the park.
I think that living in such a small space arguably brings us closer together, though the children fighting for the best place on the sofa is wearing me down.
I think it is totally fine for children to share a bedroom - my 2 always have.
Did anyone watch the American TV series where they took some rich families who lived in very large houses, and got them to live as settlers for a few weeks, with each family living in a one roomed house? They came to love it, and to grow much closer as families.

Personally I think it's better for DC to have some personal space, especially teens.

But it's hardly the end of the world if they don't.

Your BF sounds a lot like one of my exes - we broke up because our views on life were too different.

Fantastic in many other ways, but I couldn't get past how bloody spoilt he was. Is.

My sil's adult kids still live with her in tiny council house and have screened off the bedroom they share so they can both have double beds with the boyfriends .

Following the arrival of DC2 I have been surprised how many people have commented on us not expecting them to share a room. We have 4 bedrooms so made sense to us to combine the office and spare room so that the new baby could have his own room. ( Or more importantly his big sister could have her own space) but loads of people seem to think we should have made them share and kept the office where it was. Seems very strange to me - I'd have no problems with them sharing if we were short on space but think if we can give them a room each it will be best.

I grew up in a 3 bedroom house and my sister (3.5 years younger than me) and I shared a room and a double bed until I was about 9 or 10, when I moved into the smaller third bedroom. No harm has come to us.

Apart from when my sister was sick in the night once, all over her hair and a bit on me and my pillow...

Interesting thread. We have a 3-bed with a loft space that we will put stairs up to, so loads of space for our 2 DC (3.3 and 4.4) to colonise. However, they very rarely leave the same room that we're in; they trail around after DH and I and whinge if left alone. We have a large open-plan living room that leads down to the kitchen, so you can see all the areas from the sofa. I find it rather chaotic as I grew up with a large sterile bedroom of my own that no-one else ever entered. I must admit I sometimes hide in the loo for private time I am looking forward to the days when they discover a sense of privacy and leave me alone for 5 minutes tbh.

I think your bf is taking it rather far though op.

I agree with you.

I grew up in a huge detached house with my own bedroom/bathroom (well, until my mum turfed me out into the smaller room because I was arrogant ).

DH grew up in small council houses and always shared bedrooms. His childhood was full of love whereas mine contained none.

It makes me feel less bad that my DC share... we'll have three girls in one room when baby is here!!

We're in a house with 2 decent sized bedrooms and have 2 boys. Unfortunately, they are now struggling with sharing a room. Their sleep patterns and habits are disruptive to each other and it doesn't help that they both have ASD and a big need for space and do not get on at all.

For most kids, there are worse things than having to share a room with a sibling, though. Some even like it!

My younger brother was unplanned despite our mum being on very effective contraception. My parents had already purchased a small, 2 up, 2 down house and couldn't afford to move. I shared a bedroom with my brother till I was 13. We took turns getting changed in the bathroom. I didn't feel that I had one tiny scrap of private space to myself growing up and it was extremely frustrating, so yes some children are absolutely 'fussed' about not having their own room, maybe not when they are younger and sharing can be fun but if they are older and still forced to share for financial reasons. I know there are much worse situations but it definitely wasn't ideal. Sometimes these situations are unavoidable but I don't think they should be romanticised in a sort of 'our house is small but full of love' way, it's uncomfortable, undesirable and should be avoided if possible.

I shared a room with my sister and tbh it wasn't ideal, especially during the teenage years. We also didn't really have any quiet space in the house to do homework or bring friends home. This was quite normal where I grew up but I do think it led to my friends and I hanging around on the streets a lot and getting up to all sorts of mischief. I personally wouldn't plan to have more kids than I could give their own bedrooms, but life doesn't always go to plan and sharing a room is not the worst thing that can happen!

DeoGratias - your house is 5-6 times the size of a typical 3 bed! It's not a little bigger, it's flipping enormous!

I shared with my two sisters and then in my teens we moved and I shared with one of them. I was about 16ish before I had a room of my own. I also went to boarding school which involved sharing and didn't get a room on my own until sixth form

WHy are PP's saying "Oh, it was fine for us! No harm done!" when they stopped sharing at 8-10? That's when it really starts to matter and presumably what the OP's BF is on about!

FWIW I shared until the age of 11 when my parents decided it was better for me to have the box room and my younger DS and DB share (their room was later divided). One of the main reasons was me being very tidy whilst my sister was messy, it used to make me really stressed and anxious. I actually remember my parents telling me I was getting the box room - that's how exciting it was for me! I was overjoyed.

I suppose it depends on the children in question though. Ideally the option should be there. I don't think OP's BF is being "spoilt", just gong by what he's observed.

Donner Just thinking about sharing one room with my family growing up makes me anxious! Nooooo way! I reckon it would be ok now though... but when you're a teen there'd be no freedom...

I misread this as "Size of their horse".

Anyhow size of house only becomes an issue if privacy and independence are being compromised, normally in older children.

Otherwise children just accept it generally as the norm. I shared a room with Dsis as a child, out of choice as we were really close and got on well, I only went off to my own room when I was older and fancied it, around 10-11 I think.

I know someone who has just found out her 1 bed room flat is being rented out to a family of 5, 2 adults and 3 under 5. I don't think that this could be comfortable for anyone.

I shared with a sister and we hated each other. But it taught us to respect the need for personal space and how to share and compromise that stands us in good stead as adults. We don't have issues as a result.

I also know a family who had 6 children, mixed genders, a grandmother (who had her own room!) and set of parents all living in one three bedroomed house, where there were mixed genders in the bedrooms until late teens and are now close friends and enjoy each other's company as adults with their own families. None have mental health issues and have successful careers and social lives and are respectful of other's privacy and kind and thoughtful people.

Unfortunately sharing is going to become the norm seeing as most young families have been priced out of anything resembling decent sized accommodation!