AIBU to think children aren't that fussed about the size of their house?

[UterusUterusGhali]

Had an interesting discussion with my BF last night.

He is adamant it's cruel to have children if you aren't able to give them their own room and loads of space etc.

I think you can be poor and live in a small house still be happy.

BF grew up in a large Georgian town house with 6 bedrooms, a library etc.
I grew up in a council house.
BF thinks it's odd that my boys share a bedroom. (He has no DC)
I've said that lots of families live like this, but he thinks overcrowding causes MH issues.

AIBU thinking kids don't mind living in a cosy home, as long as their needs are met?

I'd say it's outside space that's most important. 4 years ago I moved into a tiny little dolls' house cottage with DS1- then 16 months. Now I have DS2 (5 months), and DS1 is a massively energetic 5.5 years...and we have a tiny, tiny back yard. We need a proper garden so badly, to stop DS1 quite literally bouncing off the walls (this is after a typical day of school followed by club, or a typical weekend involving a trip to the woods or beach ). DS1 is pretty keen to share with his little brother, but his box room has a sloping ceiling, so you couldn't fit 2 beds in there.

There are normally houses coming up for rental quite regularly in our village, but for the last couple of months there's been nothing- I'm going mad! Plus, I bid on some new social housing last week, but don't think I got it .

I think everyone needs some space to get away sometimes, from the rest of the family.
But I don't think that space needs to be your own bedroom.
Communal spaces can be private if you are the only one in them, and the rest of the household can respect other's needs to be quiet and alone sometimes.

We have a 2 bedroom flat, and 2 DC. DC1 will sometimes retreat to the (shared) children's bedroom to get away from it all. I will then encourage DC2 to leave them alone and to play in the living room instead.

If I want a bit of peace I tend to retreat to the kitchen, as does DH (obviously it doesn't work if we are both in there!)
At the moment, DC2 is still young and tends to want to be around others rather than behind a closed door - but if the time comes in the future when both DC need somewhere to go, then one can use our bedroom during the day - neither DH or I ever really enter it except at bedtime anyway. They will need to negotiate who goes in which room - but negotiating skills are a good thing .

I think that sharing can also be very positive for sibling relationships.

I think it makes a big difference actually. We moved from a two-up, two-down to a fourbed detached. The effect on the children was huge- they grew inches in the first few months, were calmer, happier, more relaxed etc. Our income remained the same. Quality of life is now just far better.

I don't think so. We have a one bed flat and children.
It brings us closer at home I feel, and makes us be proactive about getting out and going places and doing things.
The huge benefits are location so everything walking distance, and therefore everything to go and explore is right on our doorstep.

I agree that it brings people together, makes you feel more of a unit.
We also live in a nice area - it would be harder if we were stuck in a horrible one.

I think children under 10 and children over 10 are in different categories here.

My children (7 and 9) happily sleep in the same room. They actually have a room each but prefer to be together. So we aren't "overcrowded" but the kids choose to be.

My ds has a friend who has a gigantic house and my dc1 was terrified of it! My dc2 has a friend with a massive house but thought it was great to explore. So, difficult to say really. Dc1 also has a friend living in small flat and very happily slept over on the floor of the main room.

I think teens ideally would need more space and privacy but we aren't at that stage yet.

I had my own room in a big house and I'm an only child. Hated it, I wanted siblings like everyone else and hated that I was shunted off to boarding school just to fufill my DPs ambitions for me. Didn't bother to ask me if I wanted to go to that god awful place. Wasn't allowed to play outside in the holidays and any friends were vetted by MI5.
I don't think it matters how big your house is so long as their is love in it

I think when little, childrens' happiness doesn't come from space or a big house. It absolutely comes from family, security, stimulation and love. The problem is more long term.. apart from preferring privacy when teenagers, they do compare their lives to those of their friends, and yes I know one of life's lessons is that some people have more.. but I wouldn't put my children into an environment where there was a dramatic difference in lifestyle between them and their contemporaries. Shallow maybe, but that's something I would think about. If it's just a short term problem though I wouldn't be too worried.

I had my own room so did my brother and sisters. Our house was very big with massive garden. Didn't stop my brother developing serious ongoing mental health issues. Both my mum and sister have struggled with their mental health too. Family dynamics are far more important for long term good mental health than whether you share a room or not.

well my boys are buggered then we live in a two bed council house the boys share a room ds2 has autism and learning disabillities clearly we are cruel parents for inflicting this on them incidentally my dad grew up in a three bed terrace three girls in one room three boys in another all have been very successful and dont seem to have any problems.

We actually moved from a 3-bed end of terrace in a crap area to a 2-bed semi in a nice area when I was pregnant with dd2. For us, sacrificing the third bedroom for a nicer house (bigger downstairs and huge garden), and a better area with good schools and a general better quality of life was absolutely worth it.

There 2.5 years between them and I figured they'll be okay sharing for the foreseeable future. But their room isn't the biggest, and whilst it will be fine whilst they're young and I'm hoping they will get along, I'm not sure it will be big enough for both of them as they approach pre-teen/teenage years when they will want friends round and privacy. Fortunately we've got a long time before we cross that bridge.

I do think personal space is important. We've moved from a 2 bed flat to 4 bed house with garden. The DC still share (boys aged 8 & 12) but they have the option not to.

The reduction in the stress levels for the whole family was noticeable when we moved. People can get away from each other, the DC can play more freely (rough and tumble games don't really work if you only have one communal space and nerf gun battles are a pain in the arse literally) and if someone wants peace and quiet they don't have to lock themselves in the loo.

I think even if you don't have much space, carving out a bit of space that allows people to escape if they need to makes a big difference. I used to sit in the corridor of our flat to read because it was a quiet space.

I can only speak for myself, and as an only child I never had to share a bedroom, but I grew up in a series of small houses, including multiple year-long rentals, and felt ashamed of my home compared to my friends who all lived in lovely 3 bed plus town houses.

I'd say it's about context. My homes were always comfortable and more than enough for a family of three, but I was the poorest of my peers and friends by quite an obvious margin and that has affected me to this day.

Surprised at all the references to teens needing their own space. Social withdrawal is one of the big risk factors for teenage mental health. Too much personal space can encourage this. When I went to Uni many moons ago the Halls of Residence didn't allocate single rooms to 1st years because of this.

we live in a small 2.5 bedroom house
technically each DC has their own room, but one of the bedrooms makes Harry Potter's cupboard under the stairs look like an aircraft hanger. we don't have a spacious downstairs either. I think it's fine that we're rather cosily crammed in, but I do like that each DC can get some personal space, even if that space is very small. the child in the box room is also welcome to spend time playing or watching TV in my room if I'm not in it and they want some more space.

We have a one bed flat and two teens and they are happy sharing a room. They aren't materialistic or concerned about how their home looks to their peers, and they're doing well at school, well adjusted etc, so I don't see any signs it has damaged them.

DH and SIL can disprove this theory; they grew up in an enormous, stable, middle-class house in a lovely suburb. One of them (DH) turned out bright, articulate and tremendously successful in his chosen field. SIL turned out an utter lunatic. Can't get more different than that.

I had a chaotic childhood with many different homes and no space of my own, so I'm very determined not to allow that to happen to the DCs. Ironically, though, we bought a lovely big house so that the DCs had space and time for themselves yet they spend 90% of their time at home together. DS1 has bunk beds and most evenings they're both in there at bedtime. I think it's lovely that they want to share but maintain that having separate rooms will make life easier when they reach their teens.

I shared with my brothers until we were quite old. We grew up in a Victorian house, with 8 very large bedrooms, and one very small bedroom. Our house was full of people for years, parent's friends who'd fallen on hard times, relatives who needed somewhere to stay longterm etc.

I was moved into the small bedroom when I was about 10. Gradually fewer people needed somewhere to stay, and by the time I was 15ish we all had our own rooms.

It was really fun sharing with my brothers. I missed it when it stopped (though when we had friends to stay, we'd just all use sleeping bags and sleep on the floor of the same room -up to a dozen kids/early teens on the floor!).

I think it depends on the individual children.

Some adults need plenty of personal space and time alone to feel content. Others thrive on having people around them most of the time and feel happier with company. Why would children be any different?

For those that have lived through it, how do older DC that share a room get any privacy? I wouldn't have wanted to be getting changed in front of my siblings. Also, what about the number one teenage pastime? Do teenage boys who share a room just lock themselves in the loo for hours?

I'm an only child so I never had to share a room however I was always really ashamed of my parents house. It was small compared with others and horribly decorated. I used to avoid bringing people back for tea because of it.

My DH is one of three and had to share with his brother. He absolutely hated it and I think part of his resentment of his parents is because of this. Well, in fact, I know it is; he says it very openly. His mindset is 'why did they have children that they didn't have room for'.

I have been on these type of threads before to say that at 64 years old I have never had a BED to myself never mind a bedroom. I grew up with 3 sisters we shared 2 double beds in the biggest bedroom, parents had the middle room and DBro had the boxroom. THEN I got married and have been for 43 years. We don't have a spare room as have adult DD and DS still living at home. I share the living room with everyone and the kitchen hasn't got room for a chair in it. My DH had 2 DBro and 3DSis in a 3 bedroom house with only a outside loo. We have 2 bathrooms which I consider even more important than bedrooms.

I have a friend with six DDs. When the DDs were all at still at home, they lived in large rambling properties - a huge turn of the century apartment in Berlin, a massive maison de maître near the Fontainebleau forest. It was all very romantic with lots of art and culture (father is an actor, mother an Afghan-Persian-Jewish goddess sort). There were far more bedrooms than children, yet they always slept in groups of 2/3/4 per room, moving around the house seemingly at will.

Massive 2 bedroom part of house here, but no garden (2 young DC, opposite gender but will eventually share the biggest room which can easily have a stud wall put up and they will still get a decent space / window each)

We are in London and literally spitting distance of a lovely, big park so outside space hasn't been an issue.