Hello, haven't read the whole thread so apologies if somebody has already linked this website: www.helpforhoarders.co.uk/ . I think it's quite informative, would recommend you having a read. I wouldn't advise you recommending it your friend though unless you have a REALLY strong relationship and can find a way to do so that wouldn't be seen as very insulting...for example, my MIL is a hoarder, and me and DH are unsure whether she realises or not, we linked her this website because she is supposed to be sorting through her house now in order to move and we introduced it in a "hey, this website has some great tips on decluttering, we find it really useful, don't worry about the name of it". She took it well (but also has taken not a single further step in sorting out the house).
Major lols at the people saying 'just go in and clean up'. If this is a legitimate 'hoarding' scenario it will make no difference whatsoever if you go in and clean up and will just cause lots of emotional damage to everyone involved. Me and DH found this out the hard way when we spent weeks cleaning out some of MIL's house a couple of years ago. It was an absolutely awful ordeal for everyone involved, and it was heartbreaking to return to the house a couple of months later to find everything in exactly the same state. Hoarding is a recognised psychological illness. If things are binned, they will just replace it with other things. In terms of cleanliness, you can wash up some dishes, you can scrub a toilet - in two weeks time it will be the same as it was.
I feel for you, because I feel this way about my MIL and have tried, and am trying, to help. She has serious mental health problems. Over the last few years the only progress we've made is her acknowledging that she will not be able to keep every single one of her collection of craft magazines (the collection fills a loft, two small bedrooms and half a living room). That is how slow progress can be - but it's still progress. However, I think unless you two are really, really close there is not much you can do at all for fear of jeopardising the relationship and I think in that case everybody would just lose out. If you are concerned for her welfare, and/or the children's welfare, you can call the council/social services and tell them. They may be able to get involved to support them. Some councils even have specialist services for hoarders and can help them clear through the clutter. Again my MIL has used this service, but continually cancels appointments and undoes the work done...I don't think hoarding can end until the hoarder really, really wants it to and voluntarily seeks as much intensive support as possible. Sorry to be a bearer of bad news.