Use of child death as an analogy for sense of loss should be punishable by wearing a dimwit hat for ever more

[wibblies]

Fucking Liz Fraser in the weekend guardian is the latest in a long line of journalists and writers who seem to think this is ok.

Here's a sample of what she has to say in her article about her sense of loss in watching her children grow from primary age into teenagers:

"When the joy goes - and it does, because life moves on and you can’t play peek-a-boo with a 12-year-old who wants to play Minecraft with his similarly zit-infested mates – it feels like bereavement."

"Those young children are dead now. They are gone."

"The bereavement is long, slow and refreshed every day."

Just so you know, Liz Fraser, watching a child grow up as it gets older is really not anything like not watching a child grow up because the child is dead. I know this, because I've tried them both.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who notices this shit? Please tell me you recognise that it's not the fucking same at all? That it's not even a tiny bit similar and that it's crass in the extreme to suggest it?

Sorry to all the other ladies who have lost little ones

My eldest is 12. Sometimes I mourn the bubbly toddler days with her. (So much so I've had another one and she's 10 months now) She's so different now but I still have my child. I still love her the same. It's not like death at all. I can't imagine losing a child. My sister lost her 3 month old to cot death. It's unthinkable

I see this kind of bollocks on fb. I revel in them growing up as that's what is meant to happen. I know parents who's dc have died and at each new stage my dc do I am thankful they are alive.
This woman is a fool to think her dc growing up is a loss as changes bring new pleasure. Also very offensive to suggest it's like a death, of course it isn't. It makes me angle too.

She's unbelievable! The Guardian is getting like the bloody Mail printing shite like that.

Sorry for your loss OP

She's a fuckwit and so is whoever ok'd that article.

Angry, not angle.

Good Lord, anyone with half a brain can see that is a nonsensical and totally insensitive comparison. I despair of The Guardian, it get less intelligent and more up its own hipster metropolitan arse every day.

I have sent a tweet to her. I think others should also tweet - there isn't much power in my little tweet all on its own.

YANBU.
I mean, I get what she's trying to say, but, as someone else said, it's a very lazy analogy. Not to mention insensitive.

good greif

I have a similar age child and haven't experienced the àwful bereavement you have but I can promise you its not just you, I completely and instantly see that it's in no way comparable and is I deed the compket opposite. sorry you have to read such crap.

Not only is it not the same but it's surely the exact total opposite??

Precisely. The alternative to growing up is dying young and to compare the former to the latter is just ridiculous.

And no parent wants their children to remain heavily reliant on their care into perpetuity. The hundreds and thousands of parents of children who will always need care and will never leave home doubtless have a slightly less rosy view of being 'needed'.

Totally stupid, crass and utter self absorbed bollicks.

I have enjoyed every stage of my childrens life and am soon to be a gran.

I think she's appalling writing about her child this way too. Good god if I came out with bollicks like this to my kids thru would tell me where to go. No wonder he prefers mine raft.

So very sorry op.

The guardian is completely on x par with the daily mail in my opinion. There's so called journalists write any old bollocks to get paid.

I havnt brought a rag in years.

Jesus! That woman has no idea.

God, I am not surprised you are livid. Of course your children growing up is not like a bereavement. It's the opposite!
I can sometimes feel a pang looking at photos of ds when tiny, but that little child is still part of him, and always will be; getting older is just more layers of learning and experience being added onto that small child.
To actually lose a child is for that process to stop, and the natural progression to be left incomplete.
I can only imagine how wrong and painful that feels for a parent and anyone who thinks that the pangs caused by their children doing what they are supposed to do and getting older is the same as the grief and pain caused by a death needs to give themselves a slap.

I been very lucky to see my 3 DCs grow into adulthood.

Wouldn't say it was all plain sailing the whole way but how the hell can the passing from one stage of growth to the next possibly feel like, or come anywhere close, to a bereavement.

Woman's an idiot.

Unbelievably crass. Tweet her, write to the editor. I bet you won't be the only one.

That's a horrible analogy and lazy to use it so many times. Agree that it's nothing like a bereavement.

Sorry for your loss, wibblies.

I've been a Guardian reader for a long time. Totally agree that it's getting more Mail like. Its frequently banal, but I've not really found it offensive before. Agree that the editors are culpable as well.

Yep, I'm currently doing both, and will for the rest of my life.

Watching my beautiful dd1 grow and change is most definitely not the same as looking at her at every stage and wondering what dd2 would have been like.

Every first being a reminder of another first that will never be. That is not the same as having had shit loads of fun playing peek a boo and now feeling sad you can't.

Fuck me people are dumb some times!

YANBU

What an awful thing to say. I've never heard of the woman (my first thought was the actress).

That's beyond awful. Did you leave a comment on the article?

Lovely post VocationalGoat - I've loved it all too, every minute (well almost!)
Teenage years can be fab. Also nice to hear from those enjoying being a grandparent.
Basically the journo ruined what could have been a thoughtful and even helpful article with some very offensive ill-considered analogies - especially went too far saying "those children are dead now" Except in her family no, they're not.
What are the editors doing too letting something like this slip under their radar - that's their job too - to oversee the whole tone and approach of their newspaper?
I would still expect better from The Guardian - but generally the standard of insightful and thought provoking writing on parenting is very poor in the media. That's why we come here to write our own stuff!

See I don't even have kids but even I can tell how utterly crass and just inaccurate that is.

Very sorry for your loss. Can't imagine how awful that must be.