Use of child death as an analogy for sense of loss should be punishable by wearing a dimwit hat for ever more

[wibblies]

Fucking Liz Fraser in the weekend guardian is the latest in a long line of journalists and writers who seem to think this is ok.

Here's a sample of what she has to say in her article about her sense of loss in watching her children grow from primary age into teenagers:

"When the joy goes - and it does, because life moves on and you can’t play peek-a-boo with a 12-year-old who wants to play Minecraft with his similarly zit-infested mates – it feels like bereavement."

"Those young children are dead now. They are gone."

"The bereavement is long, slow and refreshed every day."

Just so you know, Liz Fraser, watching a child grow up as it gets older is really not anything like not watching a child grow up because the child is dead. I know this, because I've tried them both.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who notices this shit? Please tell me you recognise that it's not the fucking same at all? That it's not even a tiny bit similar and that it's crass in the extreme to suggest it?

Sorry Derxa.

She hasn't, ljny. She thinks "Sorry if it offended anyone" is an apology.

I can't believe she has the audacity to still be tweeting about trolls and making fun of the situation.

I teach my children that when you fuck up the greatest strength is to admit it and apologise with dignity. This is, well, the opposite approach.

has MN HQ stepped up yet?

Now that we're moving on to how to make things better, take a look at this link.

It is a wonderful resource on how to support bereaved parents. A kind and practical person distributed copies when our dd died. I can say right from the heart that it made a big difference in helping us survive, quite literally, because it helped the people around us not do or say things out of ignorance that would have made it even harder to bear what had happened.

There is another one here for more general bereavement.

Please read them. Please keep a copy on your hard drive in case of need. Please someone send the links to Liz Fraser, to help her to understand why it does matter what people say, and how bereavement is referenced in influential national media. I'd send it myself but of course I'm blocked on Twitter.

Speaking of which, since it was me that started all this, can I just point out that she certainly hasn't apologised to me, sent hugs, been sorry for my loss, or acknowledged that it was a poor choice of metaphor. So far I've been ignored and then swiftly blocked on Twitter. I'd love to know that I'd been heard.

I think perhaps you need a) to be a Mumsnet blogger and b) send her lovely hugs and compliments on her writing first, wibblies.

HTH.

I've known two sets of parents plus one single mum who have lost children and I really cannot think of anything at all that's more devastating than that.

Nothing at all:-(

oh wibblies My darling. I'm sorry. It doesn't matter what she thinks because she's completely inconsequential a piece of shit

I feel like I've been punched in the windpipe reading this and MrsD's thread.

I saw what losing my 42 year old uncle did to my Nan, I can't even begin to imagine the devastation of losing a child.

It was an unbelievably crass article and she certainly doesn't seem sorry.
Pretty poor input from MNHQ too on the matter.

Hi there MrsDeVere - we've emailed you on the address we have for you, but PM me if you haven't received anything?

A crass article and an even worse response from the author. I stand with you MrsDV and you too wiblies

Am glad to see Justine's response on the thread this morning and especially the idea that MrsDeV's post could be published as a response to the original piece in The Guardian (if they have the courage to accept the challenge/ suggestion)
Personally I see much good in the posts on this thread and those responding to MrsDeV's beautiful post this morning. I see understanding, love, and solidarity with those who've suffered bereavement. As others have said these things are often seriously lacking in our society.
But I'm sorry for those who've been hurt and especially for bereaved parents like wibblies who've been blocked and ignored, and are yet to receive any adequate response or apology from the author (LF)

She's really not covering herself in glory here is she? Oh dear.

I'm disappointed in MN really - they should be standing up for the valued members of this online community, particularly those who have suffered the unspeakable pain of the loss of a child.

I also hope you get something published as a response MrsD. Sadly i don't think Liz will ever 'get it', judging from her behaviour so far. But others might.

@MrsKoala

She's really not covering herself in glory here is she? Oh dear.

I'm disappointed in MN really - they should be standing up for the valued members of this online community, particularly those who have suffered the unspeakable pain of the loss of a child.

I also hope you get something published as a response MrsD. Sadly i don't think Liz will ever 'get it', judging from her behaviour so far. But others might.

I don't think a Twitter bunfight would achieve anything at all tbh - much better to try to spread the word in a considered way on why careless analogies can be hurtful.

I don't really know what MNHQ can or should do. There will always be people who slag off Mumsnetters.

I like to think that behind the scenes, a message has been passed on.

"... much better to try to spread the word in a considered way on why careless analogies can be hurtful"

I totally agree, and would be happy to go on the record should there be any follow up with the Guardian via Mumsnet.

JustineMumsnet Thank you so, SO much for stepping up and backing the wonderful members of MN that have experienced the death of one of their own children and others who empathise with them.

I think publishing MrsDeVeres words on the subject and even seeing if the guardian will pick the piece up is a fab idea

Do let me know if there is any way I can help spread the word

I don't see much of a bunfight, anyhow. More of a communal arselick by people for whom it hasn't clicked that, yes, seeing your child die does make you a tad unhappy

I'm honestly pleased for these people that, if they have any experience of parenting, it's apparently never involved any more pain than an unrisen cupcake or a snapped daisy chain, but I despair of the real lack of empathy for their fellow human beings.

I've been through some tough stuff with my boys. Really heartbreaking stuff that has me sobbing into a wine glass on a regular basis. They're still here, though and I can still kiss their heads, however greasy and smelly, and I can still get hugs from them, even though they don't know their own strength.

And 6 year old DS1 is not dead, not anything like dead, now that he's almost 12. 6 year old DS1 is very much a part of who nearly 12 year old DS1 is.

I've tweeted and merrily await my blocking!

I do not post about my dd very often as I am not in any way as articulate as MrsD. There was a thread a few weeks ago that MrsD started about a bereavement troll and I posted a lot on that thread and also on a thread where the OP was wondering whether to let her LO have the meningitis vaccine. I'm recalling these threads so posters dont think this is a knee jerk reaction.

Right my baby (17months) died from meningitis 4 years ago.
No I didnt post on the guys meningitis thread on Sunday evening because it was HIS pain and I didn't want to hijack his thread
My message to the stupid journo

Spend a day in my shoes Have you watched you husband carry your child into church in a tiny pink casket?

If not then shut the fuck up!

I'm blocked :-) What I tweeted was in no way offensive, troll-ish or personal. What a pathetic individual she is.