Use of child death as an analogy for sense of loss should be punishable by wearing a dimwit hat for ever more

[wibblies]

Fucking Liz Fraser in the weekend guardian is the latest in a long line of journalists and writers who seem to think this is ok.

Here's a sample of what she has to say in her article about her sense of loss in watching her children grow from primary age into teenagers:

"When the joy goes - and it does, because life moves on and you can’t play peek-a-boo with a 12-year-old who wants to play Minecraft with his similarly zit-infested mates – it feels like bereavement."

"Those young children are dead now. They are gone."

"The bereavement is long, slow and refreshed every day."

Just so you know, Liz Fraser, watching a child grow up as it gets older is really not anything like not watching a child grow up because the child is dead. I know this, because I've tried them both.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who notices this shit? Please tell me you recognise that it's not the fucking same at all? That it's not even a tiny bit similar and that it's crass in the extreme to suggest it?

'Those young children are dead now' is not a metaphor.
And I agree that the way LF behaved afterwards was unforgivable. I don't have first hand experience of losing a child but I watched my beloved aunt drink herself to death after her only child was killed by a drunk driver. MrsDV Your daughter is beautiful

She comes across as such a petulant ninny on her Twitter feed

I love that description! She really is...anyone that disagrees with her (in a totally appropriate non-abusive way) gets labelled a troll. Petulant ninny is the perfect way of putting it.

Her 'apology' makes it so much worse IMHO.

"Perhaps my humour and turn of phrase could be misunderstood. It was about adoring my children, and missing their early years."

She didn't apologise for using that wording, just if someone "misunderstood." There's nothing to misunderstand, she literally used the words "dead" and "bereavement" with no sympathy for how it would seem to bereaved parents. And that was apparently an attempt at humour?! Sick!

Sorry, hiddenhome2, I know you feel strongly but I've just deleted two of your posts - do post again but without the personal abuse.

"'Those young children are dead now' is not a metaphor"

The pedant in me is obliged to point out that it is, exactly that.

The point is that it was an ill-chosen and hurtful one. For which the author could easily have apologised, properly, from the start - instead of mocking and attacking those who were expressing their pain.

I agree with multivac-it's a really really bad choice of metaphor and most of this mess could have been avoided if she had just accepted responsibility and apologised instead of whinging petulantly that the'd been victimised by the mumsnet vipers.

I think the problem was that her apology (for everyone misunderstanding her humour?!) was swiftly followed by several tweets that showed that she either didn't get it or didn't give a shit.

I can appreciate the temptation to dig in your heels when you think you are being got at, however, I think she dealt with this really badly, and seemingly failed to realise that, yes slagging the very same people off you are 'apologising' too, does make you look very insincere (at best).

Yep basically I think an actual apology - just a hands up, 'yes I used a really poor choice of words, I am very sorry for offense caused' would have calmed the situation.

I think people can be thoughtless, tactless and even self-absorbed at times. To be able to own that and give a meaningful apology is a mark of an emotional mature person who is capable of healthy self-reflection. To spend time deflecting, refusing to take ownership and instead try to claim it was misunderstandings or that you are being victimised is the mark of a person who is not yet capable of reflecting, and does not have a self-esteem robust enough to handle criticism, making mistakes and being disagreed with.

Hopefully that particular writer will develop those skills at some point. Doesn't seem like that will be in the near future mind.

At this point she's dug herself into too much of a hole.

There's no way she can acknowledge she's fucked up, even if she felt like she had - it would be extraordinarily brave of her.

MrsDeVere

Nope, that's a simile. A metaphor is a comparison in which one thing is said to be another, for rhetorical effect. For example, "Her eyes were laser beams".

She seems so stubbornly determined to demonstrate that she's cleverer than us plebs. Apart from not being able to remember any GCSE maths (according to her sample on her givememoney page). That's presumably the wrong sort of clever.

Seriously, Liz. Stop being a dick.

You're right, that's a simile mrsd. Other metaphors are things like "he was a beast" or "the world is your oyster". It is a very insensitive choice of metaphor though, and her reaction to it is the big problem.

simile/metaphor Who gives a shit? I know what twat means.

her reaction to being challenged on it is the big problem.

simile/metaphor Who gives a shit? I know what twat means.

Agree with this. MrsD asked up thread so was answering her question not trying to be a grammar arse.

@ Kacie123 - Yea I can see that and it would be a mark of a lot of courage to climb down now rather than continuing the 'victim' route.

I guess it just never fails to amaze me when people do or say something which really upsets a lot of people, and causes a big backlash, yet do the equivalent of putting their fingers in their ears and go 'lalalalalalala I am RIGHT dammit', rather than a simple gesture of genuine regret.

I find it really really strange.

What an arsehole.

My DN never got to be a toddler nevermind a teen. Pretty sure my sister would agree that watching a child grow up is not the same as losing one.

Oh and nevermind the dimwit hat. She should have "TWAT" tattoo'd on her forehead.

Tali I love that you are here for your sister and niece.

Thanks Derza. I know how it felt when DN died as an aunt. I could never begin to imagine what it felt for my Dsis and BIL. They've raised a teen so they would know the difference.

I would still like to see Liz actually apologise. I can actually sort of understand her original thoughtlessness in the wording of her article.

But her treatment of bereaved parents who tried to communicate with her - and she just blocked them and mocked them - that is unforgiveable.

Justine, you said Liz had apologised. Where? I still can't find it.