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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Annoyed my 13 yr DD allowed to watch 18+ movies at friend's

52 replies

TheDoor1 · 02/11/2015 17:33

My DD went to a Halloween party at her school friend's and I've found out they all watched Insidious ... I am upset about it. I would never allow my child to watch an 18+ horror movie (or play an 18+ violent video game).

I wouldn't expose someone's else's child to psychological horror, death and violence without definite permission from their parent... I feel upset about it.

I've looked after my daughter carefully with regards to content in books and films, as I was sadly exposed to adult themes far too young

P.S. DH and I have watched the film ourselves and it is disturbing on many levels.

OP posts:

ghostyslovesheep · 02/11/2015 17:35

YANBU - my DD is also 13 - I'd be livid x

goodnightdarthvader1 · 02/11/2015 17:37

I watched lots of horror films when I was underage - I loved scary stuff and always have. There shouldn't be any lasting damage, you can't police everything they ingest, nor should you want to. She's 13, not 5.

However I agree the parents in charge should have checked it was ok first.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 02/11/2015 17:38

I'd get annoyed. I cant stand horrors and avoid them. I dont know how a young mind could take in that stuff when some adults cant.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 02/11/2015 17:39

It's very hard police what they watch at friends' houses when the teenage years start IMO

ruddynorah · 02/11/2015 17:42

How does your dd feel about it?

saoirse31 · 02/11/2015 17:44

I'd be slightly annoyed but unsurprised... However at 13 I'd think you shouldn't be policing absolutely everything she reads and watches so maybe should loosen Ctrl a bit.

Fizbo · 02/11/2015 17:44

The parents should have checked with you, that film is pretty scary. I have family in the states and I was there once when a young relative (approx 12) brought a itinerary type list home for a sleepover she had been invited to. It listed possible DVDs that would be watched and what food and drink would be offered. I thought this was madness at the time and very regimented, but was reassured by the child's mother it was very normal and gave the parents piece of mind. Maybe this is the way forward to avoid these situations? Hope your DD is ok

NerrSnerr · 02/11/2015 17:44

How does she feel about? I'm a huge horror fan and was watching all sorts at that age as I loved them. Of course it's ok not to allow them but it might not have done her any harm.

GreatFuckability · 02/11/2015 17:46

Id probably be a bit annoyed if she was upset, but otherwise I don't think id be overly bothered really. I watched things above my age group and I'm still a sane human being.

saoirse31 · 02/11/2015 17:47

Also a strict no over 18 films or games seems overly restrictive, there are huge variations in over 18 stuff.

Original poster

TheDoor1 · 02/11/2015 17:49

Thanks all.
I do know she will be exposed to more adult themes now. I watched 'Memoirs of a Geisha' with her recently and that is quite sexual. But I'd made the decision as her own parent.

@ruddynorah I asked what she thought of the film and she said it was 'funny' (silly). But maybe they were larking around and not watching it the way an adult would!

One of the girls has parents who don't seem to mind what she watches -- she's seen all the Chucky movies for example.
But maybe she isn't so affected or impressionable as other children might be.

OP posts:

Ladygaggia · 02/11/2015 17:50

Insidious is a 15 though.

I would be annoyed with the responsible adult, but get over it pretty quickly as long as daughter was not upset by film.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 02/11/2015 17:52

I only found out recently my 17 yr old Ds was watching 18 horror films at his friends house from aged about 10 when he was in sleepovers there. No one ever told me! His friend was obsessed with them and his parents very liberal in their parenting. He didn't like them, just distracted himself apparently.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 02/11/2015 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NerrSnerr · 02/11/2015 18:00

Lady is right. It's a 15. I think a group of 13 year olds watching a 15 is ok. www.bbfc.co.uk/releases/insidious-2011

maybebabybee · 02/11/2015 18:01

Oh lord, I watched so many horror films when I started going to secondary school sleepovers. Remember watching Scream when I was 11 and it still terrifies me. Hate horror films.

I don't think there's much you can do about it though. We always watched them after parents were asleep.

If my mum had complained to the parents that the films they allowed me to watch weren't suitable, I would have been a social pariah!

Original poster

TheDoor1 · 02/11/2015 18:03

Thanks. It seems there's no harm done, so I'll move on.

Can't say I'm too comfortable about her going over to watch films in future though!

If I was the vindictive type I could book The Walking Dead or Hostel in retaliation when the girls come over here...

OP posts:

lilyb84 · 02/11/2015 18:04

I watched lots of 15/18 cert horror from age 11 upwards at friends' houses and never mentioned it to my parents. No lasting effects on me that I've noticed! But YANBU in that if the friend's parents were involved they should have checked with you first. I wouldn't say Insidious is a particularly bad film to watch a couple of years below the age restriction as it's creepy rather than violent but if it were something with more adult themes I think you'd have real reason to be pissed off so it might be worth raising with them for future reference. I'm thinking of horror (or any genre) with sexual content that definitely wouldn't be suitable at that age, for example.

Saying that, a friend's mum let us all watch Four Weddings aged 11 and my dad was fuming when he found out due to all the sex and adult jokes but I remember finding it really boring and walking out to play in the back garden so often these things go over younger children's and teens' heads!

Shutthatdoor · 02/11/2015 18:05

YABU as it is a 15 not 18

Original poster

TheDoor1 · 02/11/2015 18:08

Oops it is a 15 - thanks!

BTW The Woman in Black is rated 12A!
Now that film and the bloody rocking chair of doom certainly would have robbed me of sleep for years if I'd seen it aged 12.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheDoor1 · 02/11/2015 18:11

And yes, it's the other parents I'm pissed off with rather than the film!

OP posts:

DawnOfTheDoggers · 02/11/2015 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

unlucky83 · 02/11/2015 18:22

I was going to say I don't think the ratings count for much - I think I would want to see the film first...and the Woman in Black is an illustration of that.
DD1 had watched all the Harry Potters -some of which are rated 12 before, had never been easily scared/upset and wanted WIB for Christmas. I hadn't seen it. She watched it on the day on a portable DVD player on her own (as has younger sibling and didn't want to wait). She was just over a month short of 12. She was petrified. She wanted the lights left on all night, had bad dreams etc etc for a few months. I watched it and couldn't believe it had the same rating as Harry Potter. Then I found out at the cinema it had been a 15 and they cut a few seconds for the DVD to make it a 12 ...just...
Now I try and watch and read things either with her or before she does if I am in any doubt of the suitability - if nothing else so we can talk about any issues.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 02/11/2015 18:24

Hmm I wondered if I was the other mum for a minute

My DD (14) had a friend to stay recently and watched this, knowing it was a 15 I asked the friend if she was allowed and she said yes. I've never spoken to her parents, don't even have their number and short of asking her to call home or taking her phone so I could speak to them (don't think either of the girls would have thanked me for this ) I had to trust her.

I certainly wouldn't allow smoking or drinking but I think with things like games and films, if the parent is adamant they can't watch a 15 until
DC is 15, the onus is on this parent to tell the host. When the DC are at secondary parents don't get so involved in their social life, I still remember chewing my nails about their first sleepovers when I hadn't met the parents!

I wouldn't let anyone's else DC drink or smoke in my house while underage, but I think a 14 watching a 15 and saying they were allowed is fair enough?

Although I did have a complaint from a parent her 15 yr old didn't have enough fruit/veg at my house as they had pizza so there are Those Parents out there

AnyoneButAndre · 02/11/2015 18:29

Woman in Black was a 12A at the cinema. When originally submitted to BBFC they said "15, definite 15" but the producers really wanted to attract DR's teenybopper audience so they begged and pleaded and edited with a scalpel until it just barely scraped under the wire for a 12A, but there were a lot of complaints and I think the BBFC have learned a lesson.

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