To have been rude(ish to this woman in the changing room

[DieRosen]

I went swimming yesterday and when I came out of the pool the dressing room was completely empty. I found a quiet corner and started to get dressed. Someone else came in and decided to get changed about two feet from me. Normally I would just sigh inwardly and move when someone does this. But I was half in, half out of my swimsuit, had my top and jeans laid out on the bench, my hairdryer beside them etc and it would have been awkward.

So the two of us were there getting dressed, almost bumping into each other, trying to put on knickers discreetly, moving stuff out of each other's way, in a bloody empty dressing room. When I was leaving I said 'don't you think it would be better if we gave each other a bit of space. The whole room is empty after all'.

She just gave me a sour look and went on brushing her hair.

WIBU? It just infuriated me.

MrsGideon "One time, I was sitting on the top deck of a half empty bus at about 11pm with my bag on the seat next to me, and a woman came over to my seat, picked up my bag, HANDED IT TO ME, and sat down. I was utterly speechless!"

My money is on that "how very dare you put your bag on a seat" attitude. Of course I'll move my bag if the bus is busy, but not if it's empty!

one Xmas Eve, I was on the bus and I had a backpack. There were 2 others on the bus. I parked myself and my backpack on 2 seats and the lady in front of me turned round to start chatting. (I didn't know her but you know what public transport is like at Xmas, everyone chatting away).

then a bloke got on, came up to me and shouted "Oh, your bag is so important I can't sit there?" He was quite scary, so I just moved it to the floor in front of me. Me and the woman were making astonished faces at each other. he then went off in a tirade about how "people are SO entitled thinking their bag can have a seat". The woman in front said to him "you do realise the bus is empty and you could have sat anywhere?"

I was too stunned to say much but now I think I'd say "gosh, you fancy me so much you have to sit next to me on an empty bus?"

Anyway, I did get annoyed at the end of journey - no one else got on btw - and it was a big squash so he did find it annoying when I tried to exit with the big backpack. I made sure I got in his way as much as possible and then put the backpack on, said "merry christmas to you too" to him and smiled sweetly.

Lorelei9 I would have made sure to give him a nice big whack with the backpack on the way out

I had an incident like this recently. Dropping off DD to an activity I drove into the village hall car park, which is rectangular and only had about 2 cars in. One whole side was completely empty so I parked and went to open my door, only to see that the woman who had followed me in was about to park next to me, on my side. DD sits behind my seat so I needed to open the back door as well. She had to climb over in the end because this dappy woman had to snuggle in next to me . Just why?

A PP also answered the question of why somebody always has to not only park next to me, but also insist on reversing in. It drives me nuts. When you reverse in you are a slightly different angle to a car that's gone in forwards, which narrows the gap. It also increases the risk of you scraping my car (twice now), so if you can't park without using someone else's car for target practice please take some lessons .

I do think a lot of this is about power. Somebody gets uncomfortably close to you and is counting on you being too polite to say anything. In all likelihood you move, and they get your spot/seat/table.

If you are somebody who does this, read all these posts again and ask yourself who is the one being awkward.

This happens to me in many situations. Buses, trains, empty cinemas, car parks.

I thought it was actually a known phenomenon? Kind of like herd mentally / safety in numbers?

Hacker, I don't know but it doesn't make sense in context of trains etc. Wouldn't it be enough to see people around, having to sit next to them seems a very odd and extreme manifestation of herd mentality!

I had a middle aged man rest his chin on my shoulder once while browsing in a card shop. I looked at him right in his face and just creased laughing and ran off laughing hysterically to my boyfriend who was also in hysterics by that point. I bet he thought that I was the weirdo!

I think some people are creatures of habit. If she always gets changed in same place maybe that was behind it.

Like DH if someone parks in our space. He will still cram in right beside them.

But even being a creature of habit wouldn't make your sense of boundaries or personal space vanish?

Omg at the posters who think the OP was unreasonable for not wanting her PERSONAL space invaded in a CHANGING ROOM!!

I used to in my younger days out up with this shite! Not anymore! On my better days it's 'please move away I prefer more space' on not so good days or if they ignore its 'back off!'

I get especially annoyed at those walking closely behind but not overtaking and those who's breath you feel as they're so close at drs reception/ATM/tills!

I'm generally not a big fan of tesco but my local one is pretty good for telling such customers to move when a customer is paying using chip&pin.

Seriously its the space invaders that are rude! Don't even get me started on the idiots who think because I'm under 60 and can't possibly have a mobility issue and need space to move using public transport!

Just say

"I'm sorry dear, but I prefer men for close contact."

I do think it's a control thing with some people. Especially if they are in a particular place/mode of transport regularly - many people have a regular spot they tend to go for. I bet that's why the gym woman went where she did. It's probably where she usually stands to get dressed. She was bad-mannered and inflexible to stand where she did and good for you for telling her. I can understand why you didn't want to tell her when you were half-naked.

Yup, control thing. Or just a wierdo, very intimidating when you are half-naked and the rest of the place is empty. I would have been convinced she was having a perv!

And to the very few people who are of the opinion that the OP was BU, I really think you want to reassess your own manners and empathy, since it's fairly obvious that if you see no fault with the other woman, then you are a prime candidate for doing something like that yourself.

And it's very rude. And downright wierd.

I think people who move people's Bags off the seat to sit down next to someone on an empty bus deserve to have the poor passenger making a show of them by ringing their DH/friend and saying in a loud voice so everyone else can hear "can you meet me off the bus please - some wierdo has just sat down next to me despite there being lots of empty seats and I am worried about their intentions. I will inform the bus driver when I get off too."

Being a public transport user in London, my personal space requirements have to be fairly fluid.

However.

I recently met a friend who I hadn't seen in some time in a pub in the City. We were at a table which due to layout would only have accommodated one more person. Yep. Someone came and sat down on the table with us. It was unbelievably awkward, and THEN HE STARTED FARTING.

Resurrecting this thread because I was in Andover yesterday for a course. I arrived too early and parked around the corner in a nearly empty car park. It had maybe 50 spaces and fewer than 5 cars in it. A car came along and parked right next to me, so close he could barely open his door! If I had not been moving on myself I would have moved my car to a different space.

However, Indantherene, reversing into a space is safer. You should reverse in so that you can see to drive out. I can reverse in without hitting your car, I promise, it's easier to reverse in than drive in at times. I agree with you on the power thing though - as I said above, I think people stand near me on the railway station platform because they know I am near where the doors open and they hope that by intimidating me I will move so that they can get the plum spot.

As for the bag on seat thing, someone once came along and asked me to move my bag in a half empty train carriage and made a big thing of it. I just got up and sat somewhere else. They didn't follow me!

In Germany there is a culture of sharing tables (so if two of you come into a cafe and you spot two people at a 4-seater table, you sit down there too, no problem (except in the days when they allowed smoking in cafes and then they'd light up, that was annoying). But I didn't think that you did it if the cafe is half empty. Each Christmas they have a German Christmas market at the South Bank in London and the mulled wine stall has some tables by it (standing ones). I was once there with a friend and a German group came and stood at our table even though the other tables were empty. I think they wanted to be friendly but we were a bit nonplussed and moved to an empty table.

This is what cold, wet swimming costumes are there for: you should have slapped her - really, really hard - around the face with it.

...Germans have never had a problem claiming space though, have they? Look at their behaviour bagging poolside loungers with their towels

Hate space invaders! When I was at uni, one of our lectures was in a massive lecture theatre, say about 250 seats and only about 10-20 ever turned up. I was sitting on my own with noone sat in either my row or two rows either side (sat on my own especially as I hadn't showered ). Not sitting near the front so no sight issues. Also, not sitting near the back, somewhere in the middle.

Another girl sits RIGHT NEXT TO ME. Rage. Wtaf? I just looked at her for a few seconds, packed my stuff up and moved. I heard an audible intake of breath as surprise that I moved. I don't understand it.

Also, yy to cinema, cafes, public transport, car parks. Just why?

I hope I'm not a space invader but I am guilty of Changing Room Rituals. If I can't use the exact same clothes locker I get a bit . I've laughed about it with fellow changers and think it's quite common but should never be admitted to.

I'm guessing the offender was in a world of her own and just using Her Corner.

Oh lecture hall seating is the worst of all If you hate people invading your space. Narrow Seats jammed right next to each other, people's elbow's nudging yours as you're trying to make notes. And if there is no air conditioning.......

You weren't rude, or even rude-ish

A more assertive thing to do would be to ask her to move there and then, but YANBU

Once parked in empty supermarket car park at night to use the banking facilities.
Went back to my car to find someone had parked next to me so close that I couldn't get in the drivers side & ended up climbing over the passenger seat.
They of course we're nowhere to be seen !
Happens to me all the time.

Lorelei9 Wow.

The worst I've had is an asshole just flat out sat down on my bag. I yelled at him asking WTF he was doing. Then...realized he actually hadn't meant it and he spend the rest of the ride stiffly looking forward with a red face. I wasn't sure how to fix it, so I put in head phones and awkwardly stared out the window.

I have a bit of a short fuse on public transport I'm a cranky sod first thing in the morning and after work anyway. I will move my seat when others are filled up. Or if they're filling up, I strategically make eye contact with a woman who looks like she'll keep to herself and move my bag for her to sit next to me. But if there are empty seats and you still have options, I'm fine telling them to find somewhere else to sit.

I use changing rooms every day, gym and swimming pool.

i know most people just through going there day after day, but if there is someone I havent seen before, I just said Would it be OK if you move along a bit, sorry I don't want to elbow you very sharply in the ribs knock you by accident.

...easier than expecting them to be a mind reader..

I'm the first to admit I'm a bit vacant at 7am so it's highly likely I will drift into,someone's space without realising it. The other morning I stepped across someone's mat completely by accident and I grant you I could have walked round it but learned my lesson because the person had a right go at me. Oooops

Its only through coming on MN that all these unspoken truths come out. I was waiting for a thread to appear AIBU to have had a right go at some stupid cow walking across the corner of my mat? So Im a bit of a drifter myself but have struck up,conversations about it and made a few friends as well!