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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been rude(ish to this woman in the changing room

150 replies

DieRosen · 02/11/2015 15:37

I went swimming yesterday and when I came out of the pool the dressing room was completely empty. I found a quiet corner and started to get dressed. Someone else came in and decided to get changed about two feet from me. Normally I would just sigh inwardly and move when someone does this. But I was half in, half out of my swimsuit, had my top and jeans laid out on the bench, my hairdryer beside them etc and it would have been awkward.

So the two of us were there getting dressed, almost bumping into each other, trying to put on knickers discreetly, moving stuff out of each other's way, in a bloody empty dressing room. When I was leaving I said 'don't you think it would be better if we gave each other a bit of space. The whole room is empty after all'.

She just gave me a sour look and went on brushing her hair.

WIBU? It just infuriated me.

OP posts:
tiggytape · 02/11/2015 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsUltra · 02/11/2015 17:08

lol, yes, like you only have to out-run the rest of the herd, you don't have to out-run the lion Grin

hiddenhome2 · 02/11/2015 17:10

I've noticed that some people feel insecure if they're not in close proximity to others. It's a primitive response to perceived danger and something that shoals of fish and flocks of birds do to try and remain safe.

I'd have picked up my stuff and moved. I have a massive personal space and can't stand being near other people. I always park away from other cars in the car park as well.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 02/11/2015 17:15

"Would you mind moving up a bit?" as she started putting her stuff on the bench would have been the easiest way to deal with it. Yes, it is annoying, but I think you were rude too.

You probably didn't make her feel shitty though, she probably just wondered why you didn't say anything sooner if it bothered you that much.

KurriKurri · 02/11/2015 17:16

Some woman did this to me in a changing room - nearly empty, sat right next to me so we were both really cramped, then once she started getting dressed, she handed me her towel and asked me to dry her back ! Obviously because I am British I did and smiled pleasantly whilst inwardly thinking WTF. Made me wonder I knew her and had mentally blocked her out of my mind entirely and she thought I was being rude and unfriendly for not chatting !

More awful was the woman who got her small child to stand over the drainage hole where you wring out your swimsuits, and piss into it (there were toilets nearby in the changing room)

Strawberryfield12 · 02/11/2015 17:16

Very often in shops when queueing for cashier there will be people behind constantly bumping into your back, pushing people and breathing in their neck etc. Do people believe the queue will move forward quicker if they do all those things? It's just no need for that, it will take exactly the same time if people don't abuse each other!

Hotpatootietimewarp · 02/11/2015 17:17

YANBU I never realised until I read this thread that I have a problem with personal space too. Like if I'm sitting on my own somewhere and someone sits next to me I hate it makes my stomach drop. I'm not anti social at all though Hmm

IoraRua · 02/11/2015 17:18

You were rude. A polite request to move up a little at the beginning would've been better.

pearpotter · 02/11/2015 17:19

Fair play, OP. I think what you said was spot on. It's just weird to stand right next to someone in those circumstances.

Also people do it with lockers sometimes, when the changing space is in front of lockers. Not many lockers in use, yet they have chosen to get changed in front of...yours. DUH!

Autumnalhedgehog · 02/11/2015 17:26

You were there first why did she have to go right next to you

BathshebaDarkstone · 02/11/2015 17:49

It's weird, I'd instinctively choose somewhere quite far away from the other person. Confused

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 02/11/2015 19:28

KurriKurri I am Shock and Grin at your polite back drying.

Oysterbabe · 02/11/2015 19:42

I hate it when people walk close behind you but don't overtake. You either need to pass or drop back, not walk on my heels making me constantly glance over my shoulder.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 02/11/2015 19:59

I tend to park my car next to others because I'm worried that it might get lonely otherwise.

crispytruffle · 02/11/2015 20:01

I hate this when they do this in restaurants. Cram all that come in to one section.

BillBrysonsBeard · 02/11/2015 20:06

I have opposite to herd mentality, I'd have chosen the furthest corner away! Respect for other persons space and just feel no need to get close to strangers when I don't need to. I don't get it! I have a friend who is always getting strangers sitting next to him on an empty bus, however he gives it to them straight so they move Grin
I don't get it!

tigerdriverII · 02/11/2015 20:07

I was the only passenger on a bus when a woman got on, and asked me if I minded if she sat in the seat next to me. I said I didn't mind at all, she could sit there, but I would move. We were both Hmm and Confused and she gave me daggers until her stop.

andthasafact · 02/11/2015 20:08

In an almost empty cinema and a couple plonk themselves in the row directly in front of you!
Why?

Dancergirl · 02/11/2015 20:11

I'd have picked up my stuff and moved

Yup, me too. Simplest solution.

PunkrockerGirl · 02/11/2015 20:14

Well done tiger. Just why would someone do that?
I'm loving how some posters are telling the op she was rude - she had her personal space encroached on and she was rude for calling the other lady on it Hmm Confused
Makes me wonder if the people calling the op rude have any concept of personal space.

MurlockedInTheCellarHelpUs · 02/11/2015 20:15

I think some people have faces that attract space invaders.

DH is always exasperated when out with me as they make a beeline for us!

I carry a huge handbag nappy bag that I'm too lazy to empty and now when someone is too close, I fling it from one shoulder to the other, which normally buys a bit more space.

PastaLaFeasta · 02/11/2015 20:26

I hate that too, but agree you should've moved/said something earlier. In fact moving being a pain would've helped make the point better as you huffed and puffed around. I guess you can ask people to give you space but they don't have to move whereas you can move.

I had a woman sit next to me on the bus, almost - I went to sit in a seat and she followed me in before I sat so I turned around and went to exit and sit in one of the many other empty seats available. She seemed surprised and asked if I wanted to get out, of course I do because I can enjoy personal space and no poking of elbows etc until the bus is actually full and the person who does sit next to me does so because they don't have a choice! I was a bit more forgiving when an older man did it as we'd obviously had the same idea about sitting close to the door for mobility reasons. The other incident was in the middle of the bus so just a weirdo who likes being close to people, OR I do wonder if some people have preferences and have to sit in a certain seat or on a certain side - OCD/anxiety, and then I feel bad but would still rather move if there's an empty seat.

maxxytoe · 02/11/2015 20:33

I HATE THIS Angry
it's so fucking weird !
I was once in a long queue in boots and there was a guy literally spooning me he was that close , I could feel his breath on my neck Angry
So I decided to start flipping my hair all about and he had the audacity to tell me to watch what I was doing that I nearly had his eye out!
Well, I gave him a right telling and told him to take 4 steps back which in his defence he did
Still though, fucking weirdo

chicaguapa · 02/11/2015 20:38

In an almost empty cinema and a couple plonk themselves in the row directly in front of you! Why?

I do the opposite of this and always sit behind someone because I'd rather choose who sits in front of me. DH thought I was daft at first, but it works. Otherwise you can't guarantee Mr Tall won't be blocking your view.

whirlybird42 · 02/11/2015 20:40

Oh god yes, people in queues who are practically standing on top of you. I end up balancing on my front leg and kind of sticking the other out behind me to buy me a few extra inches of space.

Also in an empty shop when you're browsing and someone comes in and wants to be exactly where you are. Grr