To have been rude(ish to this woman in the changing room

[DieRosen]

I went swimming yesterday and when I came out of the pool the dressing room was completely empty. I found a quiet corner and started to get dressed. Someone else came in and decided to get changed about two feet from me. Normally I would just sigh inwardly and move when someone does this. But I was half in, half out of my swimsuit, had my top and jeans laid out on the bench, my hairdryer beside them etc and it would have been awkward.

So the two of us were there getting dressed, almost bumping into each other, trying to put on knickers discreetly, moving stuff out of each other's way, in a bloody empty dressing room. When I was leaving I said 'don't you think it would be better if we gave each other a bit of space. The whole room is empty after all'.

She just gave me a sour look and went on brushing her hair.

WIBU? It just infuriated me.

What you want to do is smile at the person getting on and pat the seat next to you invitingly

That made me laugh . I'm so doing that on my next train commute!

I was buying some bits at the small old fashioned local hardware shop. Elderly lady only other customer. I was at till she was literally standing on top of me then put her stuff on the counter alongside mine so shopkeeper couldn't tell whose was whose.

God just wanted to tell her to shove off! How can you get to that age and not know shopping etiquette?!

Haydee, I don't follow. (No pun intended!) Are you saying that if there's two empty and you know the train will fill up, you sit next to someone rather than on the outside of the two empty seats?

This is where farting at will is an advantage.

I use it often.

What you want to do is smile at the person getting on and pat the seat next to you invitingly. Guarantee no one will sit there.

You're setting yourself up for an uncomfortable journey with the person that accepts that offer!

I was queuing when a woman went in front and put her things on the desk/till area - I was collecting so nothing to put on the desk and hadn't been called forward. It's bloody rude, there were seats and a huge empty area of the service desk to use rather than push in front of someone.

I also don't understand why people are so comfortable with bumping their elbows etc into their fellow passengers. I hate physical contact with strangers and do everything to avoid it myself, why are others so ok with it they don't make any effort to stop touching me! Or worst, their coats or bags end up on my knee. I had to create a mini pillow barrier on a plane once, eight hours of accidental touching and I was pregnant. I think seat kicking etc are forms of invading personal space too, why don't people realise it's rude?

Bags on seats may be annoying but it's weird some people are so gleeful at asking to sit, I had this happen once, she was so smug, looking at me with a little laugh. I wasn't pissed off I just had awful morning sickness and was trying not to vomit. I always move my bag when it starts getting busy anyway. And I'm desperate to sit on trains/buses as standing is agony, so I don't care if it's a smelly weirdo or whatever if that is the only seat - just try not to touch me.

Therearesomepositivesthough, I was thinking the same thing. Dropping a lovely ripe one can be a good smokescreen defensive manouvere.

Op I think you could have saved yourself the hassle and moved away from the space invader.

The comment at the end didn't actually solve the problem and that is why it's PA. You weren't direct or assertive at all about your needs, you just aimed a comment at her. You were a pushover.

I hope the pp didn't preform drying services for that wet backed woman- I think that's outrageous and disgusting. Boak.

Ha I've just read that you do a leisurely breaststroke kurrikurri?!
Maybe she thought she was going to get lucky?

Venus, moving all your stuff away in a changing room isn't easy. Wouldn't it be more passive aggressive anyway?

I don't understand the bag thing either but I find pretending to be nodding off and leaning into that seat helps.

Why do people do this? It bugs me when I find a nice quiet spot to stand in a bus station, with the boys and someone comes and stands right in front of us. DS1 can't do with having his personal space invaded like that (and I'm not too keen on it either).

Thankfully, it happens less when we have DS2 with us, as he's loud and stimmy (ie bouncy and screechy). Maybe I need to start doing the same.

Maybe, OP, if you'd commented on an imaginary zit on the other person's arse, they might have got the hint.

I hate it too. At reception desk in outpatients recently - there's a yellow line about four paces back so that the person at the desk has privacy as they give their inside leg measurement all their personal details to the receptionist. A man came and leant on the desk next to me. He was close enough to read my letter and get all of my personal info - dob, address, the clinic I was attending, the lot. I think the receptionist thought he was my DH. I said "do you mind?" With a look, to which he responded "mind what?" I asked him to wait behind the privacy line at which he rolled his eyes at the receptionist and she rolled hers back .

Another time, four of us were up a mountain in Austria. Not a soul to be seen all day. We sat down in a meadow to eat lunch and were almost immediately joined by a couple. They didn't do anything, nodded a greeting and sat so close to us that anyone would have thought we were all together. We were and wtf? It ruined lunch. Worse, when we finished and got up to leave, so did they. It wasn't even that they wanted to spend some time in the same spot and were waiting for us to move on.

And completely agree with the empty train carriage thing. Why would you do that? Why?

carabos, the receptionist must have thought you were together, how odd, leaning on the counter while a stranger gives their details?

The thing about some posters saying the OP was passive aggressive - a lot of the time when this happens, I'm kind of stunned and waiting for the person to move away, then there's the whole thing about to phrase your comment so it doesn't sound too bitchy, then by the time something like the changing room situation has finished, you'll be wondering what to say to prevent the idiot doing it next time.

i park my car next to another car in an almost empty small carpark near where I work, because, if people park in random places all over the place, so as to avoid the personal space of a car, the spaces left between them are impossible to park in, I know that from experience, so I park that way to make the other spaces remain easily accessible.

Some people are so grumpy! what's wrong with someone sitting in the public toiler cubicle next to you? they were in the same cubicle! or, sitting on the same table, when there are others free. The tendency to not be sociable is so strange.

We all have moments of needing our own personal space, and sometimes that personal space is very wide, but we are social creatures by nature, and the tables, chairs, bus seats, gym benches, space in a queue etc don't belong to you. We don't have quotas of personal space! You don't have to speak to someone who sits at your table in a cafe, you can just keep your head down stuck in the phone, or book or whatever, they won't make you talk to them!

I agree this woman did seem overbearing, so not necessarily addressing the OP here, just the general complaints about how other people act around them, like others should presume that everyone is a grumpy sod that doesn't want any social interaction.

"they weren't in the same cubicle. would help if I read back my post before sending it to the www.

I'm not a social creature.
When I'm out and about I wear my headphones the whole time even if I'm not listening to music so people don't talk to me.

Pavlov "The tendency to not be sociable is so strange. "

why is it strange? and why, if there are spaces at other tables in a cafe, would you come and sit at the same table as a stranger?

"We don't have quotas of personal space!" Ah, I think we do. And I think if the bus is empty and someone sits next to me, they have invaded that quota.

I agree lorelei, I certainly have a quota. If there is no reason to park yourself/sit/stand next to strangers then why do it especially when the place is empty?

There are many situations where you have to be in close confinement with strangers because there's no option, but if there is, take it.

I'm not fond of people and have a massive personal space. I can't be doing with space invaders and these days I will say something.

I personally don't sit on a table with others if there are tables free, mainly because of other people's need for personal space. On the odd occasion that a person asks to sit next to me, when there are tables free, I will happily say yes. If I am in no mood to chitchat, I will continue as I was. Sometimes, if I feel particularly sociable, me and that person strike up a conversation. Sometimes, that person is a bit lonely, and wants some company. I think it's quite nice that someone might want to sit with me.

But then, I talk to anyone and everyone. I smile at people instead of frown if they get in my space. Sometimes they apologise, sometimes we start talking.

In terms of the beach, and cafes I can't walk far, so that impacts on where I chose to sit, on the beach, in cafes etc. Sometimes that means sitting close to people when there are lots of spaces elsewhere. Often, when we sit near others on the beach, the children of the other group and mine end up playing together and whether the groups chat or not, the children have a great time, which both parties enjoy.

Each to their own.

I managed a very passive aggressive comment yesterday. Three seats in a waiting room and I said aloud "I am so glad your shopping has a comfortable seat. " Was tired but i know that is "not MN". Found another seat that put me nearer the head of the queue so win/win!

On the tube there is so little space so I always try and be considerate by ensuring papers/elbows etc are safely tucked in within the confines of the seat, it INFURIATES me when some stupid twat sits down and promptly takes not only the arm rest for themselves but half of my seat as well, and their legs are brushing up against mine because obviously they have such big knobs and therefore need the extra space (sorry if this is sexist but it's true - women tend not to spread their legs in an outward V shape thus stealing other people's space!).

YANBU. I have spent so much of my life quietly seething when this happens to me - I wish I had the balls to actually say something!

One time, I was sitting on the top deck of a half empty bus at about 11pm with my bag on the seat next to me, and a woman came over to my seat, picked up my bag, HANDED IT TO ME, and sat down. I was utterly speechless!

I could write an essay agreeing with most of the posts here (I am still frothing over a tent incident a few years back not entirely dissimilar to the first one mentioned!) but I'll add:

When you're queuing for swimming pool flumes, so not wearing much, and blokes stand totally in your space and keep knocking against you even though there is no need for it and they could take a step or two back with no difficulty. For fecks sake, I am usually with my children (who I am trying very hard to stop from knocking into others, ironically) and definitely nothing to write home about, especially in a swimming costume. I really don't think it is anything sexual unless it's a power-trip thing, but I'll place money on sheer thoughtlessness and lack of awareness that other people might actually not like it.

I do not want anyone else's naked flesh touching mine without my consent, is this so unreasonable?

I do martial arts and I use queues to visualise how I would deal with attacks from people in the queue to pass the time. Those who stand too near are just asking for vicious close range attacks.... in reality I just huff and move away