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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have been rude(ish to this woman in the changing room

150 replies

DieRosen · 02/11/2015 15:37

I went swimming yesterday and when I came out of the pool the dressing room was completely empty. I found a quiet corner and started to get dressed. Someone else came in and decided to get changed about two feet from me. Normally I would just sigh inwardly and move when someone does this. But I was half in, half out of my swimsuit, had my top and jeans laid out on the bench, my hairdryer beside them etc and it would have been awkward.

So the two of us were there getting dressed, almost bumping into each other, trying to put on knickers discreetly, moving stuff out of each other's way, in a bloody empty dressing room. When I was leaving I said 'don't you think it would be better if we gave each other a bit of space. The whole room is empty after all'.

She just gave me a sour look and went on brushing her hair.

WIBU? It just infuriated me.

OP posts:

ChiefInspectorBarnaby · 02/11/2015 20:43

OP YANBU

theycallmemellojello · 02/11/2015 20:43

I think yabu and am quite surprised that people are supporting you. She probably was just changing in front of her locker, which is completely normal and doesn't mean that it was easier for her to move than you. And even if not, she was within her rights to be there. If you were uncomfortable you could have moved. No need to be unpleasant and sanctimonious (trying to teach her a lesson about being considerate indeed!)

Fishfingersong · 02/11/2015 20:44

yanbu. Good on you for saying it, it was polite but assertive, quite nicely done, especially if you said it in a calm tone of voice. I can understand that you waited until you were dressed though.

CrohnicallyAspie · 02/11/2015 20:44

I had someone come and sit next to me in the cinema the other day- it wasn't that full, they could have got seats elsewhere. But no, they sat in the seat next to me. So I got DH to move along a seat. I need my space, I fidget a lot and don't want to be worried about bumping people, and I don't like being touched by other people.

Fatrascals · 02/11/2015 20:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Casimir · 02/11/2015 20:46

'politely request they move' only works with people who have any sense of appropriate behaviour. These idiots do not, and need and deserve impolite treatment.

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 02/11/2015 20:49

I obviously give off good (or bad depending on your point of view) vibes. Nobody sits next to me on buses, cafes, changing rooms. I pretend I'm scary, and glower at people (obviously not everyone, I do have some friends). It works most of the time.

I used to be the person who had the talkative person try to engage them in conversation. I don't mind most of the time, but the time when I was loads younger and an older woman collared (metaphorically) me at the bus stop, then proceeded to talk at me for 20 minutes about how abortion should be made illegal, really did my head in. I would have walked to the next bus stop, had I not just done a huge supermarket shop, and had so must stuff I had only just managed to walk the 100m to the bus stop.

I'm just antisocial really.

Littleonesaid · 02/11/2015 20:51

YANBU. I too am a people magnet. I feel your pain.

The most ludicrous was when I had a new hire car so deliberately parked in the remotest corner of an empty car park. Left the door open whilst getting the pram out and another car appeared and honked me to close my door because they wanted to park right next to me. In an empty car park.

Woobeedoo · 02/11/2015 20:58

My gym has two rows of showers, 7 per row and it's never so busy that every shower is occupied but you can bet that when I'm about 2 minutes away from turning the water off and getting my towel which is hanging over the shower door, someone will get into the shower right next to mine so I get their shower spray covering me from feet to mid-calf and their shower foam rinse-off spilling into my cubicle. Freaks me out so much.

VelvetSpoon · 02/11/2015 21:02

This happens to me at the gym. Small changing room, benches and hooks on either side. About 10-15 hooks spaced out either side, to give some idea of size. I usually dump all my stuff on the far left - bag, gym clothes, clean clothes, shoes etc, while I go for a shower.

At this point changing room is entirely empty.

Come out of the shower 10 mins later, if anyone has entered the changing room in those 10 mins I can guarantee they will be getting changed RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

Not opposite. Not at the other end of the left side. Right next to me.

Also there are mirrors at either end. Anyone doing their hair in the mirror, I can guarantee will be using the one next to me.

Trains are bad too. I normally get to a seat first, sling my bag next to me and only cede the seat if the train gets pretty full.

Recently I had to travel with work, long journey so had a reserved seat. Got on the train, some bloke in my seat. I tapped him on the shoulder, said excuse me you're in my seat'.

He said he didn't have a reservation, and got up. I sat down.

Despite there being a number of seats empty in the carriage, he sat back down next to me. I seethed inwardly for the next 2 hours and wished I'd sat somewhere else!

PunkrockerGirl · 02/11/2015 21:04

jello rtft. Op said they didn't have lockers (and even if they did, it would be polite to say excuse me, do you mind, before plonking yourself right in the space of the person who was there before you).
They had movable crates to put there stuff in, so no excuse to park yourself on top of anyone else.
The op was there first, why should she have to move for someone with no manners? The changing room was relatively empty, the other person could have changed anywhere but chosre to invade Op's space. I think op was very restrained.
Or are you another one who is oblivious to the concept of personal space?

ScarlettDarling · 02/11/2015 21:11

YANBU I can't bear people invading my space.

Am peeing myself at the comments upthread about spotting a nice thin person you want to sit next to on a train, and about kurri drying the back of the space invader next to her in the changing room!!

kurri surely that's not serious?! You didn't?! Pmsl anyway!!

chillycurtains · 02/11/2015 21:12

YWNBU about her being so close to you when there was plenty of room but I have not idea what you sought to achieve by telling her on the way out. Why did you not just say to her when she came in and stood close to you? Just "Sorry to be difficult but could you just give me a little more personal space please. Thank you." You were being a little bit rude making a comment on the way out.

PunkrockerGirl · 02/11/2015 21:20

But why should OP apologise? She wasn't the one being 'difficult', it was the other person being downright rude

lorelei9 · 02/11/2015 21:20

Public transport is the worst for this
But I have heard people say that they like to sit next to someone normal...so they take that chance when they see it in advance of weirdos getting on

One day I'm going to snap, "what the hell are you thinking?" at a space invader.

KurriKurri · 02/11/2015 21:25

It's true- honestly - I was so taken aback I just did it, because I didn't have the presence of mind to say 'err no thanks, dry your own back weirdo' - I have a terrible politeness problem

She was strangely forceful woman too and I was slightly intimidated - she was wearing one of those streamlined uber competitive swimsuits with legs - and gave of a serious lane plougher vibe ! I have leisurely breaststroke written all over me and she must have assumed she could take advantage

ScarlettDarling · 02/11/2015 21:30

Love it kurri !Best laugh of the day!!

zen1 · 02/11/2015 21:42

I witnessed this in a shop the other day. There were 3 tills open, yet everyone was joining the same queue. Maybe they were all scared to move to the empty tills in case the whole heard followed them and they lost their places.

Rachel0Greep · 02/11/2015 21:53

Had something similar happen to me. Was parked in an extremely quiet car park, with tons of spaces. Was putting stuff into the back of the car, in no major rush. Glanced about and there was a man waiting to pull into the space beside my car. Would the space next to that not be the same? Or the many, many spaces all around. No, apparently not. He probably was congratulating himself on being patient with this person holding him up.
I just don't understand space invaders. I figure that some people must have no sense at all of personal space, so they feel they have to glue on to others, in queues, in changing rooms, on public transport. It's strange, and annoying.

PunkrockerGirl · 02/11/2015 21:57

What Casimir said. People with no sense of appropriate behaviour deserve all that's coming to them.

Mumteedum · 02/11/2015 22:13

I might have done the same op. If you say something whilst only two of you there and you're half naked, would feel bit tricky in case she took offence. You never know how people react and I think it's slightly weird behaviour anyway.

I think it's natural to question your own reaction and therefore build up your angst, quietly seething until you snap and think, NO it's definitely THEM not me!

SirChenjin · 02/11/2015 22:18

YANBU

As for the whole 'you were being PA' - so bloody what?? If you do a twatty thing like that then you take the consequences.

looksamess · 02/11/2015 22:24

Trains are bad too. I normally get to a seat first, sling my bag next to me and only cede the seat if the train gets pretty full.

you do realise you are making yourself a target, and people will sit next to you just because the seat taken by a bag (which I am pretty sure doesn't have its own ticket) is really annoying. Some commuters are too shy to ask for a bag to be moved, so we do it for them .

Otherwise, I keep as far away from other people as possible.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 02/11/2015 22:29

looksamess is right. Bags on seats invites people to sit next to you, just for the devilry of it.

What you want to do is smile at the person getting on and pat the seat next to you invitingly. Guarantee no one will sit there.

I do like to sit on the outside of the two seats myself, so if I know the train will get crowded later (or immediately) it makes sense to sit next to someone who is already on the inside, rather than making someone climb over me.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 02/11/2015 22:30

I do really hate people who invade your space unnecessarily though. The people who stand really close behind you in a queue are the worse. Turning round sharply with your bag a few times works well.

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