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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to breastfeed in public even though DH is uncomfortable with it and thinks I should find somewhere private?

861 replies

Sequine · 29/10/2015 17:29

DS is 7weeks. He often struggles to latch and slips off repeatedly during a feed, so I dislike feeding under a shawl and find it hard to be discreet, as I need to keep reattaching him. I wear wrap dresses so I can just pull dress and bra down at one side. I don't really care if anyone sees my breast and don't feel the need to hide away in a corner or find a baby changing room for privacy. I've BF in the middle of Costa, in restaurants, in clothes shops and in a furniture shop, also in GP waiting room and in the back of a taxi as DS was crying and hungry. However, DH thinks BF should be a private thing and thinks I should either feed under a shawl or take a bottle of expressed milk. He said not to be surprised if shop manager asks me to feed elsewhere. My BF support group all say they feed anywhere and are against shawls as they think it makes BF out to be something obscene.
What do others think? Would you be offended by someone BF a small baby without a shawl? Are there places where its inappropriate to BF?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Diddlydokey · 29/10/2015 18:30

I do not feed with a cover or from a nipple

cherrylola · 29/10/2015 18:32

Oh good god of course YANBU. Most natural bloody thing in the world and all that jazz. DH needs to get a serious grip. Congratulations on your new baby and well done for braving Costa etc with a boob out Wink. People generally don't give a shit what you're up to when feeding a baby in my experience!

UnicornPooStillStinks · 29/10/2015 18:34

Nobody, or very few, in reality will give a shit about seeing a baby feeding.

Inertia · 29/10/2015 18:34

When your husband can lactate he can have all the privacy he wants to feed the baby.

There is absolutely no requirement for you to be any more discreet than you choose -use a shawl or don't, whichever is more comfortable for you and the baby. After all, as previous posters have pointed out, nobody else is expected to eat their dinner with a blanket on their head.

You are legally allowed to feed a baby any where the baby is allowed to be. Your husband is not only unhelpful, he is also ignorant of the law.

laughingatweather · 29/10/2015 18:35

Breastfeeding in most circumstances and situations/places is absolutely fine.

I'd talk to him about it and try to educate him about how breastfeeding in public is normal and most people don't give a shit. I'd also talk to him about how his lack of support makes you feel.

But I wouldn't say he was a dick anymore than I would say that to women who feel uncomfortable BF in public or use a cover because it makes them feel better.

Only1scoop · 29/10/2015 18:37

It sounds as though you are trying to get a reaction from him though....

"In the middle of Costa" etc

Like you are trying to make a point.

53rdAndBird · 29/10/2015 18:40

Yes, because as we all know, babies never get hungry when you're in the middle of Costa. Hmm

BondJayneBond · 29/10/2015 18:46

But if you're sat in the middle of Costa having a coffee or whatever when the baby gets hungry, how is it making a point if you feed the baby?

Unless OP stays at home until the baby is fully weaned, these situations are going to arise. Her DH needs to come to terms with this rather than asking her to go hide somewhere whenever the baby needs feeding.

cailindana · 29/10/2015 18:58

I breastfed everywhere for years. No one even noticed. Where are all these eagle-eyed people who go around staring at mums??

Andrewofgg · 29/10/2015 19:06

Wake up there chipped the boobs have gone from page 3!

GiraffesAndButterflies · 29/10/2015 19:06

it doesn't matter whether anyone here is offended by the sight of a new mum breastfeeding because if they are, their options are shut up or fuck off.

Or ideally, shut up AND fuck off. Grin

avocadoghost · 29/10/2015 19:13

Only, seriously? What else are you supposed to do if baby needs feeding in the middle of Costa - scuttle into a corner?

When my DD was a few weeks old we were in a shopping centre food court; I'd just sat down with a KFC and DH had gone off to get himself something different. DD started crying for a feed so obviously I had to feed her there and then. What would you suggest I had done instead? I wasn't trying to get a reaction from anyone but I couldn't exactly just leave my food and go off to a feeding room...

Fully backing the consensus so far that OP's DH is being a dick. If mine had tried to stop me feeding DD in public I'd have laughed in his face. And then told him he was a dick.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 29/10/2015 19:16

Grin at the idea of the OP sneaking around her house with a massive blanket and throwing it over her DP's head every time he tries to eat or drink anything!

Boo00100001 · 29/10/2015 19:24

Defintely tell him to go in the bedroom and eat his dinner!!

Boo00100001 · 29/10/2015 19:25

Four reasons why women should NEVER Breastfeed in Public

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 29/10/2015 19:25

It really pisses me off when a mum wants to BF and is put off, not because of the initial discomfort but because of the idea that it's indecent to do it in public.

Now, walking down the road with your nasty grey string vest over your shoulder, eating a greggs pasty Shock and holding a can of White lightning is ok, going out on the lash and drinking so much you throw up (or piss) in public is ok, but using a body part to fulfil its natural function, sustain a baby with your own body and stop it crying all at the same time is somehow indecent?
As long as you're not walking around with both nipples out, trying to BF unsuspecting members of the public then I don't understand why anyone gives a fucking fuck. If someone had told me not to BF I'd have taken my norks and milked all over their ignorant cuntish faces.
not really, I'd have probably gone home and cried

Practical suggestion:
Next time your DD is screaming and hungry in public with your DH present, ask DH if he'd rather be embarrassed by you feeding or a loud screaming baby.
I know what most people in public would prefer.

Booboostwo · 29/10/2015 19:33

Ignore your DH and the trolls. Feed your baby wherever you want, I've fed two babies everywhere, restaurants, doctor's waiting room, airplane, supermarket, etc. Best thing ever for keeping a baby quiet.

Lightbulbon · 29/10/2015 19:35

Sounds like dp thinks he owns your body.

This worries me an awful lot.

ForalltheSaints · 29/10/2015 19:38

YANBU.

I am a man, just for information.

PiperChapstick · 29/10/2015 19:39

YANBU at all and your DH is a dick. I'm assuming he goes round asking women showing any chest whatsoever to go and stick a polo neck on? Seeing as that area offends him so much? And I guess he hates going to the beach with all those cleavage revealing bikinis? Or is it ok when it's breasts that satisfy him, rather than your DS?

PiperChapstick · 29/10/2015 19:47

I don't understand the reluctance to use a cover.

  1. They don't want to
  2. Why should they? What's a good reason to?
  3. Would you eat with a blanket on your head?
  4. Not all babies like covers
  5. Your discomfort with your friends boobs is your issue and probably a result of over exposure to sexual images and the like, and you haven't yet figured out yet that boobs arent really sexual. Do you think Amazonian tribes squirm when their friend breastfeed? No - and ask yourself why
PiperChapstick · 29/10/2015 19:49

It sounds as though you are trying to get a reaction from him though....

"In the middle of Costa" etc

Like you are trying to make a point.

She is. Her point is that she'd feed in the middle of Costa. Is it not obvious Hmm

Debinaround · 29/10/2015 19:53

Yeah Shit maybe people would feel uncomfortable if you took your top off in the middle of a shop, but then that would probably be because you have mangy tits no reason to take your top off. Confused When I breast feed I don't feel the need to take my top off, don't know anyone who does.

Diddy I'm glad your not my friend. Angry

PiperChapstick · 29/10/2015 19:58

Why dos shit think the OP has huge boobs? Are you a peeping Tom Shit? Or do you just assume only big boobed women can BF. In which case that makes you thick.

So are you a peeping Tom or are you thick?