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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Photos on Facebook

137 replies

SarahDuckandMummy · 29/10/2015 00:13

I really don't know what etiquette is, so am quite prepared to be told IABU and PFB.

I post a reasonable amount of photos of DS on Facebook for my friends and family to see. I don't have many friends on Facebook and my privacy settings mean that only my friends can see my photos.

I emailed a photo to a family member of DS, he then posted the photo on Facebook. He has 998 friends on Facebook and his privacy settings mean that anyone can see his photos.

AIBU to ask him to take it down? I'm not happy with it being on there but don't want to come across hypocritical or start a family feud. DH doesn't really see my issue with it.

OP posts:
shebird · 29/10/2015 20:45

There are other reasons that someone might not want photos of their child on social media other than fear a of internet weirdos. There might be child protection or custody issues, family disputes or those in a security sensitive job that would prefer not to have family photos online.

If you make a decision not to post your child's picture on social media for whatever reasons then it is really frustrating and inconsiderate when someone else decides to disregard this. Just because it's only a photo to you doesn't mean that this is the same for everyone else.

WMittens · 29/10/2015 20:50

There are other reasons that someone might not want photos of their child on social media other than fear a of internet weirdos. There might be child protection or custody issues, family disputes or those in a security sensitive job that would prefer not to have family photos online.

I would have thought (hoped) anyone in any of those example situations would have the presence of mind to maintain proper content security. Surely if their situation was that important to their lives or their children's, it would be at the forefront of their mind.

Spero · 29/10/2015 21:13

If there is actually a REASON to worry about others seeing photos then you don't ever email them or post them on line, then no one else can. Simple.

If the 'reason' is - I don't want it, it makes me uneasy for a reason I can't articulate even though people have explained they really couldn't care less if they see a photo of my child popping up on their news feed and won't give it a second glance - then for goodness sake make sure people to whom you send electronic copies of photos KNOW this.

Because there are lots of us now, for good or for ill, who enjoy social media, use it to keep in touch with family and friends here and abroad and heavens! We just might put a photo up that has your child in it - frankly without giving it a second thought, especially if your child is in the background or in a group with others.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 29/10/2015 21:14

If you make a decision not to post your child's picture on social media for whatever reasons then it is really frustrating and inconsiderate when someone else decides to disregard this.

Except if they don't tell the people they've chosen to share the photos with. Why is it so hard to TELL people your expectations? How can you "disregard" something you've not even been told?

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 29/10/2015 21:44

But why would you upload photos of people without asking them if they minded?

Really? You expect people to get permission from every single person in a group photograph? Confused

I'd either tell you where to get off if you complained or cut & paste a horses arse over your face on all of them....

shebird · 29/10/2015 22:04

Where other people's children are concerned I would not post anything online and if I did I would check with the parents first. The parents might not be aware that their child had been photographed and before they know it there's a picture on FB. Everything is photographed and uploaded in an instant it's almost impossible to prevent. Ideally posters need to stop, think and ask when it comes to other people's kids.

Spero · 29/10/2015 22:21

But why? What is going to happen? I put pictures of my daughter on facebook. And her friends. My friends put pictures of her and their children. We have been doing this since 2007. Not one of these children has been molested or hurt because of a picture on facebook.

I don't tag children or post their addresses.

If a child is going to be hurt or abused, it is overwhelmingly likely to be by an adult in their family or circle of friends who they regularly meet.

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2015 22:50

But why would you upload photos of people without asking them if they minded?

That's ironic considering no-one seems to worry about whether their own kids will mind, when they're older Grin

ForChina · 29/10/2015 23:05

I really don't understand the hysteria around pictures on Facebook. What do people think is going to happen?

Cerseirys · 29/10/2015 23:15

ForChina, usually the answer to that is some vague muttering so about sickos or paedos. Never mind that a child is more in danger from someone they know than a random stranger!

GreenPetal94 · 29/10/2015 23:24

I didn't put my own kids on facebook for quite a while as I think you have to accept photos will be shared and you can't know where the photos will end up. More recently now the kids are teens I can't see I can restrict this anyway and I do post a few pictures of my family on facebook.

I have one friend who posts pictures of her wee sons naked on facebook. This seems idiotic to me as she doesn't know where those images will end up and who might love to look at them!

Spero · 29/10/2015 23:30

I have hundreds of photos of my daughter. Playing, at the beach, at parties, having fun.

Why on earth would putting them on Facebook ever cause her harm or embarrassment or be seen as an actionable invasion of her privacy?

Who will ever be able to find these photos in a few years time? Why would anyone bother? And what happens if they do? What, she won't get a job because I put a picture of her riding a donkey on the beach in 2008?

If people are unable to explain to me what actual harm I or anyone else is doing in posting pictures on Facebook, I will rethink

But I have not come across one single instance of harm in nearly 10 years. But I do have lots of lovely photos that I have printed out in My Social Book, together with peoples comments which make me smile.

But I don't kid myself that any more than a tiny minority of my Facebook friends actually look at my pictures or give much of damn about them.

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2015 23:56

Lots of people are embarrassed about their photos being shown around.

I personally think if people are going to post pics on FB, it should be of themselves, or other people with their permission.

Dusting off the family album when visitors came round was one thing, but uploading loads of pics to the internet, of someone without their permission (even if they are your children) is quite another imo.

I just think it's bad form and all about stroking the parents ego really.

ChocolateFuzz · 30/10/2015 05:19

I don't think you are being unreasonable but I have to wonder what exactly your problem is. What about people seeing a photo of your child worries you so much? If it isn't appropriate why did you share it in the first place? Do you feel this way when you take them outside? I know when I see photos of children on facebook I scroll past without a second thought

Wrcgirl · 30/10/2015 06:08

YANNNBU. We had to firmly state this to my dad. He does not understand but as far as I know has respected our wishes.

Jengnr · 30/10/2015 06:24

I always check with other people before posting pics of their kids but I really don't understand what the problem is tbh. Yes, anyone can see them. So what? They go outside too and anyone can see them then as well.

As for them being in the background of someone else's pic...crazy to get precious about that. I can see why in a school setting you have to be careful about the background because of cp issues but just in general? No way. People end up in the background of photos all the time.

Fishfingersong · 30/10/2015 07:11

When I clicked on this thread, I was sure that everyone would pile in saying how ur you are but am surprised this is not the case because. From my FB, I get the sense that people happily post pictures of their dc, even very personal ones.

I would reiterate that there is absolutely NO PRIVACY (sorry caps) onFB. The moment someone likes a post it's available to to all of their 'friends', and is shared with people you don't know. Expect that whatever you post on FB is there for absolutely anyone and everyone to see.

Before you post a picture of your dc, just think for a moment if you would be happy for his / her future employers, partners, ex partners etc to see without compromising his sense of autonomy and possibly privacy. However, IMO piracy is becoming a notion of the past.

What worries me is that every time you go out and interact with the world, anything can happen (think an incident with someone, accident, anything slightly out of the ordinary) of which other people will take pictures and post them on social media. Sometimes, if interesting enough, this gets picked up by mainstream media and you might see your or your dc's picture and identity all over the internet. This I really feel uncomfortable about, but that's the world we live in now.

BreeVDKamp · 30/10/2015 07:17

My mum does this, I emailed her some photos and she started an album which now has all the photos I've sent her in, plus her own pics Confused didn't mention it to me! I feel it is a bit off but can't get worked up about it. DH isn't thrilled (neither of us have FB) but I can't see what could actually happen.

CallaLilli · 30/10/2015 07:35

I would reiterate that there is absolutely NO PRIVACY (sorry caps) onFB. The moment someone likes a post it's available to to all of their 'friends', and is shared with people you don't know. Expect that whatever you post on FB is there for absolutely anyone and everyone to see.

Sigh. And I would reiterate that this only happens if your privacy settings aren't set to Friends Only. Really, why do so many people have no idea how Facebook works? Upload a photo of your kids that's public or set to friends of friends and then yes, your friend's friends will see it. Set it to friends only and only your mutual friends will. It isn't rocket science.

Mehitabel6 · 30/10/2015 07:49

But what you are missing Calla is that if someone has a photo of your DC ( not got from FB) they can post it on their page and you can't stop them.
E.g I have a friend on FB a lot and not one single photo of her children. I have photos that I have taken when out and I wouldn't post them on FB -but I could.

CallaLilli · 30/10/2015 07:53

No, not missing that at all. I was referring to photos you post yourself. Photos other people post is completely different but you have two options a) tell them not to post photos of your kids on social media or b) don't let them take photos of your kids.

Mehitabel6 · 30/10/2015 08:01

I know which you were referring to, but that is the easy part.
You can't possibly control others. You can ask and they can ignore. The only way that you can stop is to be with your children every minute- hardly healthy for the child! I could have your child around to tea- take photos and post on FB and you wouldn't know unless you were my friend.
You have no control over people who don't want to be controlled.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 30/10/2015 08:16

Quite simply then - if you don't want pictures of your kids on the web, don't put photos of your kids on FB.

Not being daft, no-one wants their feed cluttered up by boring pictures of Jemima or Timmy doing droll, boring things only a parent would be interested in anyway!!

Even relatives get fed up & stop following after a while (believe me).

It was OK in the days when you only had to feign interest when the album was dug out, nowadays parents seem to feel the need to give a running commentary of tediousness.....

CallaLilli · 30/10/2015 08:16

Well yes, but there's unfortunately nowt you can do about that short of never letting your child leave the house or interact with others!

CallaLilli · 30/10/2015 08:17

And of course what you say applies to pretty much everything, not just photos on social media.

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